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Oh, Mark. I get it. It’s the day after your team lost in the first round again for the bajillionth time, and you’ve got a sad. I have a sad. Zac has a sad, I saw it on the Twitters. We all have sads. And angries.

And to a point, you are right, to say that sometimes people use the anonymity of Twitter to be meaner because they can get away with it. But that’s the Internet, not just Twitter. I know, because I sometimes get good and schnockered and accidentally read the comments at the end of Dallas Morning News stories.

But to say so today, well, could make you sound kind of like a crybaby. Did you expect to see Mavs fans tweeting their overjoyedness at last night’s debacle? Did you think Spurs fans wouldn’t skeedaddle over to their TRS-80s, fire up the dial-up and tweet their mockery of our pain?

Good point, but the timing? Well, let’s just say it’s not just a team problem.

You’ve told us about your favorite places to eat and drink locally. You’ve run down your list of the best bars and clubs in town. Now part three of the Best of Big D Readers’ Choice Poll 2010 – wherein you’ll have the chance to sound off on all the top places to shop – kicks off Monday morning and will run for two weeks, through May 16. You can vote once a day, every day, for the length of the polling.

The results of Best of Big D Readers’ Choice (including the services category, which is coming up in a few weeks) will be published in the August 2010 issue of D Magazine. Make the jump to see the categories on the shopping list.

Shocker: Dallas made the Travel Channel’s America’s Worst Driver program. Here is the cast of crappy drivers:

Tara is a Texas bombshell who was nominated by her ex-fiance. She says she hasn’t been in any accidents that count. Not sure what that means, but I’ll take her word for it.

Noel and his brother Seth are funny, highly entertaining, and (so it seems) active on Twitter! Noel weaves in and out of traffic and thinks he is invincible on the road. In other words…he’s an aggressive driver!

Telea was nominated by her best friend Andrea. She refuses to use her turn signal, and during the episode actually roles down her window to ask another driver what he thinks about her driving.

Stacey doesn’t like anybody telling her what to do, especially in the car. Her ex-boyfriend John admits he is a backseat driver, which makes matters worse.

Which of these four contestants will be crowned Dallas’s worst driver and have their car crushed? Tune-in (or set your DVR) tomorrow, May 1 at 9:00 p.m. to find out.

OK. I really don’t know what’s going on, but first I found this, which has nothing to do with Dallas, and then I saw this, which does have something to do with Dallas, and now I understand why Rick Perry carries a gun on his person.

People? They be crazy.

You must go to this link, if nothing else than to be mesmerized by the animated gif of Rick Perry petting a man on the head. But the theory Wonkette posits about why Rick Perry has concerns about the Arizona immigration bill is also entertaining.

A sample:

“If these laws go on the books across the loyal parts of the U.S., once Texas breaks away the migrant Texans will be persecuted wherever they travel looking for work. Even people who just enjoy the ‘Texan lifestyle’ – big dumb hats, enormous belt buckles, shooting coyotes – will be ‘profiled’ by state police and put into ICE jails for months before being dumped over the border in Texarkana.”

The Kentucky Derby is on Saturday, and it’s a pretty good excuse to wear a hat and drink during the day (better than no excuse, that is). Might as well pretend you’re at Churchill Downs and go to Lone Star Park. Each year they have a hat contest, and the winners (“Most Creative” and “Most Stylish”) each get $500. Not too shabby.

(I’ve got a tip for you from last year: if it’s raining (or even if it’s not), a good place to escape is the Post Time Pavilion, next door to the Grandstand. It’s a big building where races from around the country are simulcast, and you have to pay to sit down and bet and stuff. But as far as I know you don’t have to pay to stand inside and drink at the bar. The Derby begins at 5:24.)

There are tons of things going on this weekend that sound fun. The Etsy.com Handmade Bash at South Side on Lamar (free DIY crafts, booze, and music), the Asian American Festival downtown (yummy food, but watch out for the 1 pm immigration rally), Edgefest (Courtney Love!), and  Chefs on Fire (free block party with chefs and firemen cooking together).

TGIF. More weekend events found here.

1. I have emerged from my spot under the coffee table, where I was curled in a fetal position, sucking my thumb, after last night’s season-ender for the Mavs. Right now, I’d pay $50 or bake a very lovely cake for someone that would just punch Tim Duncan directly in the snot box. But the one thing that made everything somewhat bearable last night was turning down the sound on the game and listening to the Ticket instead. You can see why here.

2. Although it’s surrounded by Dallas, the Park Cities (specifically, in this case, University Park) is very much like a small town. Most everyone knows everyone. There is no, “Wow, I didn’t know we had this park/service/library.” And yet, as Park Cities People columnist Merritt Patterson pointed out yesterday, a mailer that went out touting the experience of three candidates for city council had a few glaring inaccuracies, including the misspelling of the exceedingly popular, everybody-knows-what-this-is Snider Plaza.

3. Today is Dallas Police Chief David Kunkle’s last day. We all know what this means: He’s available to star in Rica Y Chato, possibly as the wise detective who is always a step behind Rica and Chato, and frequently asks them to please go straight. It all depends on whether or not he can slam his hand on a desk and say convincingly things like, “A life of crime is a short one, jefe,” and “What are you going to tell that little girl when she wants to know what Daddy does for work?”

4. Apparently, it’s really easy to make keys to this one door atop a stairwell in the DFW Airport, and this made WFAA find a dude that will say so, but only after he dons a Unabomber jacket, inhales some helium, and talks. Seriously – that’s the voice disguise you want to go with when talking about something you’re billing as a deadly serious problem? Alvin, Simon, Theodore? Also, the only time you’re allowed to say, “One, two, three, four, five master keys,” Brett Shipp, is if you’re going to follow up with a, “Five Master Keys! Bwahahahaaha!” like the Count from Sesame Street. I’m pretty sure it’s a law.

5. This Friday Morning Ear Worm isn’t so much an ear worm, but I just needed to post this so we can start making, “You’ll just be Blazed!” happen. As a thing. Yes?

Quick question: Who loves me enough to get me these? Can we all get them and form some kind of Frontburnervian Gang? Do we get pistols with them, or just Aquanet?

Burning questions for a Thursday.

This weekend’s weather forecast looks great if you like rain. If you don’t, I recommend going to Mayfest in Fort Worth today. This annual festival has it all: art, music, face painting, dogs catching frisbees, and a totally-out-of-season haunted house. However, I think the coolest part of the festival is the wakeboarding. The Cowtown Wakepark is set to open up next year, but they are making their debut this weekend at Mayfest. Owner Tommy Fambrough tells us how it works: a cable system is used to pull boarders up and down the river, making it easy to wakeboard without the use of a boat. He says anyone of any age can do it, and best of all, the public is able to give it a try all weekend for free.

(Also, did you know they sell Fletcher’s Corny Dogs at the Fest? It’s one of the only places you can get one besides the State Fair. That’s enough to get me on I-30.)

Here’s another idea: Endgame is playing at the Undermain Theatre, and it is apparently the story of the end of the world…or is it? The players consist of a blind tyrant, his assistant, and his parents (who live in trashcans). Figuring out what the heck is going on is part of the fun: FrontRow critic David Novinski says “Undermain’s fantastic Endgame is the production that others will be judged by.” Don’t take our word, take his. Please.

More ideas can be found here.

Ah, Craigslist. Once a place to sell an old computer or buy stacks of vintage Playboys, it has evolved it far more than that, and now you can find a little boom boom, a place to rant or even 55 yards of bamboo that you have to dig out yourself.

One time, a friend and I were bored, and posted an ad in Craigslist just to see who would respond. It was in the adult section. We asked for someone to come um, ready for action, but dressed as a clown. And he needed to bring cake. Within seconds, we had 30 responses – 10 who already owned clown costumes.

I bring this up because today 43-year-old Brian Dean Miller will be arraigned in Dallas for allegedly making threats against President Obama on Craigslist. Not content to threaten to assassinate the president, he later said, “Knocking on my door would be the last mistake a Secret Service agent would ever make. But, feel free to notify them if it helps you sleep better tonight.”

To me, Craigslist is kind of a lackluster place to make a death threat. But it is free, so there’s that.

1. A lot of people are in trouble this week for saying things they shouldn’t have. You learned about Mike Bacsik yesterday. Today, it’s the First Baptist Church, which aired a racial slur on its Sunday morning broadcast. Since this morning’s theme is blame, I blame technology. Without Twitter and radio, these people wouldn’t be in trouble. So there you have it.

2. Several Dallas teachers are mad because they were given money for doing a job well done, they spent that money, and now they’re being told they have to give it all back. Apparently, someone forgot to file some paperwork. I think it’s obvious where the blame goes on this one: the teachers. I mean, who gets a bonus and then spends it? That’s just ridiculous.

3. So let’s talk about my weekend plans. I have friends coming into town. We were all going to get dressed in silly costumes (or homemade shirts because we’re too lazy to come up with a true concept) and go play in the mud for a few hours at the Warrior Dash. As I mentioned Monday, those plans were suddenly put on hold. Then Tuesday they were back on. Then Wednesday they were back off. Today? Who knows? At this point, it’s a he said/she said game of blame. I really don’t care who’s in the wrong. I just wanna run through some muddy obstacles and get a helmet.

4. This little piece doesn’t fit my ranting theme, but it’s interesting anyway. Irving-based Boy Scouts just released a new badge: the video games badge. Yep. Video games.