On Friday night, Anthony Bourdain’s fans packed the seats inside Fort Worth’s Bass Hall to hear the crass No Reservations host bash Food Network stars and do his usual shtick. Except this time, Bourdain brought his bestie, Eric Ripert, along for the ride. He and the Le Bernardin chef ripped each other to shreds. It was a sight to behold. For the first hour, the friends took turns sitting under a single hanging lamp while one of them interrogated the other. Honest to turkeys, both of them would make awful policemen. They’re not intimidating enough.
Cutie pie Eric Ripert was giggling for the first 15 minutes or so, right until Bourdain started going after him. The Buddhism-practicing Frenchmen flicked Bourdain off with both hands once Bourdain jumped into a story of Ripert punching a rude dude defending his witchy wife in the face. This is a lesson to all: don’t mess with chefs. They have a mean right hook.
When it was Bourdain’s turn to sit in the hotseat, Ripert was a little more forgiving with his questions.
“Are you familiar with a gentleman by the name Guy Fieri?”
“The man looks like the offspring of Ed Hardy if he effed a gigolo.”
“Let me tell you,” Ripert said to the audience. “He’s very jealous of the guy.”
Later, Ripert asked Bourdain, “Have you ever been a male prostitute?” He quickly followed that question by showing everyone a blown up version of this lovely image that will forever haunt my dreams. But Bourdain’s feathers weren’t the least bit ruffled. Everyone knows that a man who can stand naked in front of cameras with a piece of meat hiding his… meat isn’t easily embarrassed.
It’s too bad. All I’ve ever wanted is to watch Bourdain squirm.