(l-r) Brandi Redmond, LeeAnne Locken, Stephanie Hollman, Andy Cohen, Kameron Westcott, Kary Brittingham, D'Andra Simmons Heidi Gutman/Bravo

Television

Some Thoughts While Watching ‘The Real Housewives of Dallas’ Season Four Reunion

Part one!

“From butt sex to bunny funerals, these ladies definitely kept things redic in the big D,” Andy Cohen says from a Thailand-inspired set somewhere in New York City. This is how we begin part one of the season four reunion of “The Real Housewives of Dallas,” which was less of a reunion and more of a systematic take down of LeeAnne Locken as a reality TV character. It was intense. I’ve never seen Andy go so hard. He wasn’t there for any of it. He wasn’t there for blaming production for a five-hour break in a wedding, and he certainly wasn’t there for Sonic.

For all the talk of Housewives reunions just being a bunch of women screaming at each other (usually true), this one had practically zero yelling. Some people even seemed to be whispering their apologies back and forth to each other, when they weren’t passing a flask. But it was maybe the most riveting reunion I’ve watched so far. Everyone was engaged (even Andy). Everyone had something to say, and said it pretty eloquently. It was refreshing!

The big event, of course, will be next week, when we finally dig into the Thailand trip and LeeAnne’s comments (and why it took so long for anyone to tell Kary about them). Recapping reunions is an exhausting and kind of pointless act, so I just jotted down some stray thoughts I had while watching. Until next week!

Thoughts on a Reunion: Part One

Crimping someone’s hair is a cruel act.

 

Oh wow, we’re just going in on the food-less reception literally five minutes in.

 

“Did you see food, Kameron?”
“I saw Sprinkles cupcakes.”

 

“Are you happy with your wedding planner’s performance?” – Andy
“Yes! Yes. Oh my God I didn’t do a thing.” – LeeAnne
“I know, but it doesn’t sound like he did either.” – Andy
Ba dum tssss 

 

When asked why there was a five-hour break between her wedding ceremony and reception…
“I appreciate that, but if you really want to know the truth, production has to eat and break,” LeeAnne says.
“That’s not true,” Andy says, with a kind of casual confidence I’m going to try to emulate for the rest of the decade.

 

I feel like D’Andra is acquitting herself nicely during this reunion. She’s arguing her points effectively, and even Andy and the editors are backing her up. Plus, her skin looks phenomenal.

 

Andy coming in with that US Postal Service statistic! 4.7 percent!

 

I, too, plan to drink a lot the year I turn 50.

 

Everyone looks great!

 

When Kameron spoke in that reprimanding kindergarten teacher voice and apologized to Brandi, who let out a whispery “Thank you”… that scared me.

 

The mental gymnastics it took to turn “surface friendship” into “person with no substance.” Also, why can’t Steph and Kam just be the friends I want them to be.

 

Travis coming in hot with a tweet about country clubs. But like, are we talking DCC? Brook Hollow?

 

“Because it’s macabre!” – D’Andra

 

Update: I regret to inform you that a video of Brandi seemingly mocking an Asian accent has recently surfaced. We were all rooting for you, Brandi.

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