courtesy of Bravo

Television

The Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Not a Magic Show

Wait. Is it good again?

I must have been in a real state watching this episode. I’ve never written more notes and they’ve also never made less sense. I jotted down so many questions.

Has Kameron had sex in public or not?

Wait, did LeeAnne not remember that she did say Kary’s necklace looks like anal beads?

 Why wouldn’t someone want a friendship bracelet?  

What producer gave Kary that condom and tiny violin? 

 How did those people who work at the elephant sanctuary get to be so hot?

I’m throwing all these questions out now because none of them matter. (Although I am curious if LeeAnne really did forget her anal beads comment.) What does matter is that this episode was good. It’s probably not a coincidence that this season’s most entertaining episode was one where all the women actually got along (for the most part). In certain Housewives cities, arguing and tension is the currency, but in Dallas, I think this group works best when they’re just sort of playing off of each other. Maybe that’s why Brandi and Stephanie have shined so much this season — there’s an authenticity to them and their friendship that can sometimes be lacking in the Housewives shows.

Which is why we do need someone like LeeAnne in this group. Though it’s nice to see everyone actually enjoying each other’s company, you can always count on LeeAnne to be simmering in the background, toiling away on some future drama. Honestly, I’m interested to see how she makes Kameron cry for a whole hour next week. I don’t love that about me, but we are who we are.

So, I guess we should start with Wildlife Friends Foundation Thailand. It was inspiring and sentimental, Kameron had a super fun raincoat, and like I said before, those employees were alarmingly hot. Give those people their own show! At this very good place, we met a white-handed gibbon named Chocolate, a honey bear named Oom Poom, and elephants named Puak and Somboon. It’s hard to argue about whether or not wearing a L’Infinity dress is a joke when an orangutan named Chico is eating bananas in front of you.

I would hope most people would be aware of this by now, but I am grateful this show warned against riding elephants. Let those elephants live, y’all.

LeeAnne… does sort of make the whole experience about herself on the bus ride home. That moment with Somboon looked pretty moving though.

Now, here’s how I imagined the weirdness that followed went down. Everyone, understandably exhausted, just wanted to eat dinner in their hotel rooms and go to bed. But that’s garbage television, so some ruthless producer grabbed Brandi, who was all the way down the rabbit hole with her sleeping pill, and threw her into LeeAnne and Kam’s room. That’s simply the only explanation for how she ended up in there, slurring her words to say that she thought D’Andra wore the L’Infity dress to “be a little asshole.” That’s all we get, and then she just sort of teeters back to bed. Weird! Unnecessary!

The next day, we go to the biggest outdoor market in the world, where we find out D’Andra is a Foodie with a capital “F” and also the only one adventurous enough to try the native cuisine. LeeAnne refuses a friendship bracelet which is just the kind of pot stirring nonsense I like to see. D’Andra, Kary, and Kam smartly suss out a foot massage spot, which is where Kam—referring to the L’Infinity situation—asks, “But how is it funny to be in a beautiful, glamorous dress?” Kameron is a good friend.

Not much happens when the gang goes to dinner at Cabbages & Condoms, which appears to be a novelty restaurant that really leans in, but is actually a social restaurant chain that donates all profits to The Population & Community Development Association. So interesting!

Understandably, Bravo cameras were not allowed into any of the shows in the Red Light District. And while the group is vehemently anti-elephant riding, their stance seems a little murky on Thailand’s sex tourism industry. But I’m not necessarily looking to my Housewives to show me the way on controversial issues. I’m looking for Steph to say, “I just want to see one ball come out of a vagina.” Or a perplexed Brandi exclaim, “I thought it was going to be two pussies playing ping pong!” I didn’t know I wanted to see Kameron illustrate the evening on a dry erase board and say, “This was not an appropriate thing for a stage presentation,” but I’m glad I did.

LeeAnne does seem to be aware that some spots might be employing people who are trafficked or who, due to the nature of an increasingly globalized city, aren’t able to find work elsewhere. But she was totally down to go to the drag shows, so…

But also, Stephanie thinks LeeAnne is upset that Kameron and Kary are hanging out. Nobody can hold Stephanie and her faux bangs back from the truth.

It looks like we’ll find out everything (maybe) next week. Until then!

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