Okay this is the kind of Real Housewives content I want. This bunny funeral? Here for it. The bunny’s been dead and in the freezer for six long months? I’m listening. A crashed girls’ night? Totally. A mother telling her daughter that even though she gave her 275 dresses when she was five-years-old, she’s done giving her handouts? Uncomfortable but fair. An empty Hermes box filled with $1,000 worth of 5 dollar bills and men’s deodorant? Tell me more!
Listen, I’m not sure that this season is good. I’m not sure if LeeAnne, once pure Housewives gold, has become too aware of the cameras and is now running potential catchphrases with her dog Carly or the other dog who may or may not have one eye now. Is El Bolero’s interior really that “eclectic?” I don’t know! But I do know that I had fun last night watching some extremely petty behavior. And it’s fun to have fun.
I mean, obviously we’re going to talk about Playboy Bun Bun’s funeral. I don’t even know where to start. Should we go into how the “casket” was essentially the box version of a “Live Laugh Love” pillow? Or the “We love our pets!” balloon release chant? Or what about the straight up terrifying Easter bunny that came to “entertain” post-funeral? Everyone knows Easter bunnies are the most terrifying breed of holiday furries, but this one was particularly disturbing. He is risen, indeed.
And of course we’re going to talk about Dee’s house. I love it so much and it’s exactly what I pictured for Dee—except, honestly, bigger. Is there a flouncy bed with two massive bolsters that’s fronted by armchairs which serve no purpose? Yes, and it’s glorious. Nothing has been touched in this home since the early 90s and that’s exactly right. Unfortunately, a real bummer of a conversation has to happen in the well-manicured backyard’s floral-printed chairs. I love the “Dynasty” of it all, but it does seem a bit… dark. Our maybe I just wish the company they were fighting about was sexier than supplements.
Guys… what’s in that trust?
We get a bit of levity with Court and Kameron at El Bolero. This duo’s dynamic works for me. They’re so silly and yet so serious. When Kameron says, “But I got the linens monogrammed!” Court is like, “Well yes of course the linens.” This is a couple who had five showers for their wedding and one of them was a “Goodbye Guests” party, which sounds fun. As someone who also went to SMU, I can honestly say… this is all pretty SMU. It tracks.
We head to Marie Gabrielle for an absolutely lovely affair thrown by Kam. This couple’s shower had no business being this beautiful and well-appointed (even though Kam’s string quartet is actually a trio… AGAIN), and I’m so glad one of these wedding events gets to be held in a venue with natural light so people know that Dallas isn’t comprised solely of windowless bars. LeeAnne says multiple times throughout the day that it will be prettier than her actual wedding and I’m sure that will be true.
I’ve never seen Kameron more in her element than running around a table and saying, “Brandi’s not here. Drop Brandi’s name! Drop Stephanie’s name!” Savage. Also, mad respect for my queen Jimmy Westcott for bailing the moment the party started. She gets the glory of being associated with the planning without having to get in the gossipy muck.
(Shouts to a little throwaway moment where LeeAnne asks Rich if he can see the party and he says, “Not really. I only have one eye.” We stan a self-deprecating king.)
Kameron, perhaps high off the absolute triumph of this party, feels emboldened to break etiquette and bring uninvited girls to a girls’ night.
“It’s girls’ night she said it’s girls’ night. Why can’t girls come enjoy girls’ night?” – Kam.
“We’re not showing up to stuff that seems desperate and weird.” – Cary.
But they do! They do show up to Canopy’s rooftop, which actually has a pretty cool view of downtown. On the ride over, Kam can’t get over the fact that Stephanie’s son played a dinosaur in an Easter pageant, but has she not seen Love Actually?
So, I assumed that, because this is Dallas, everyone would just be super nice to each other at this crashed girls’ night, and then talk about it later behind each other’s backs. But to my pleasant surprise, these ladies go right in. Immediate fights. Two fights at once even!
“I’m not offended that you showed up, but I don’t appreciate you ruining my girls’ night out,” Kary to LeeAnne.
Brandi admitting to Kameron that she had no idea that she was confirming a meal preference for the couple’s shower, and just answered “Beef” to an unidentified text message, is pretty funny.
“It’s not an excuse it’s just my life, sugar,” Stephanie!
And that’s pretty much that. Not much more to say there. Fortunately, Bravo released a midseason trailer that looks promising. D’Andra in the L’Infinity dress! Thailand! There’s some potential racism in there that makes me nervous, but let’s go, y’all.
