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The Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: The Fun of Missing Out

And we're back.

Like sands through the hourglass, “The Real Housewives of Dallas” are with us again. Personally, I’m all for it. Reality TV is my sports. “Housewives” are probably more pro-wrestling, but some people believe that to be a sport.

However, plenty of people think “Real Housewives” is plenty dumb, so I’ll give my little positive spin on the whole thing before we kick off this new season. (It’s my rose of the series, if you will.) If nothing else, “The Real Housewives of Dallas” let’s people see Dallas. There are people out there that think our city is just cowboys, and Cowboys, and grassy knolls, and big hair. People whose only visual cue for us is the opening credits to an 80s-era soap opera. At least “The Real Housewives of Dallas” is offering a window into what Dallas looks like in 2019, even if it is a super privileged, narrow window that only displays a handful of restaurants and the bland interior of the Ultimate Living offices. I mean, it’s not like the Round-Up needed any help, but this show certainly shined a light on them. (Never forget. Always remember.)

And all because a handful of ladies offered themselves up on the reality TV altar, including a new lady, Kary Brittingham. She’s the first Mexican-born cast member to be added to the mix, which I believe makes “The Real Housewives of Dallas” one of the most diverse casts currently on Bravo, so let that sink in.

Anyway, these women are giving us complex female characters on our screens. Let’s talk about their life decisions!

But actually, let’s just get this out of the way: this episode was boring. It was very…. what’s everybody up to!? And you know what they haven’t been up to? Hanging out with each other. Now, I know most of these women are just thrown together to contractually hang out in front of a camera and that D’Andra “met” Kary Brittingham “through a group of Highland Park friends,” but I like to imagine all Housewives are at least loosely hanging out between seasons, getting Macho Salads at Honor Bar or catching up over drinks at Sachet. That’s just what I like to believe!

But given the bizarre mood of Stephanie’s casual-yet-catered girls’ night, this does not seem to be the case. Kameron isn’t even there! She’s busy dying her dog pink at what I’m guessing is KP Grooming. She’s going on a cruise for spring break, and when you get her on a boat it’s expensive!

LeeAnne is only seven weeks away from her wedding and hasn’t spoken to D’Andra, her best friend of many years, since the reunion was filmed in November. (I have no idea when this episode is set, but D’Andra and Dee are wearing all the fur to a cemetery at some point so… like that one cold week in February?) She has spoken to Steve Kimble though, who’s looking very “Southern Charm” Season One Whitney. It’s a lot of look.

I do truly believe Stephanie and Brandi are friends (they have a podcast now), and they have a nice, genuine moment before D’Andra and LeeAnne arrive where they’re clearly discussing “their friend” Andy Cohen’s baby shower. (Which, it should be noted, D’Andra was not at.)

But good vibes immediately take a turn when the others show up. (Coincidentally, both D’Andra and LeeAnne have fresh highlights and major invite-only events coming up. Parties and plot devices!) Both women immediately begin accusing the other of accusing the other’s husband of cheating. Guys, I do not like this. This is very dark. This is not the kind of content I signed up for on a Wednesday night. Remember when the big drama between these two was LeeAnne accusing D’Andra of having like $20 in her bank account or something? Brighter days! Fun times!

D’Andra pulls out her text messages, which has to be one of the top five current Bravo tropes in addition to walking out of the reunion and anger rooms. I don’t know what to believe, but I did appreciate that Rich signs his texts. It’s such a dad move. It’s like when Tom Hanks used to post pictures of lost gloves on Instagram and sign them “Hanx.”

Oh, also, Dee may or may not have known that her company was in major financial trouble when she gave 100 percent of it to her daughter. (I mean, does anyone think she didnt know?) Dee is giving us deeply serious Lucille Bluth vibes right now and I’m here for it. I keep expecting her to try to wink or exclaim, “There’s always money in the banana stand!” (But… is there money in D’Andra’s trust? Sorry.)

So, that’s pretty much where we are! We got our introduction to Kary, who is charming and a natural on camera. Even her family seems perfectly at ease. We haven’t had a newbie in a while, so I’ll hold off on making any real judgements until we’re deeper into the season, but she does seem like she’s going to give us something. Also, she and Stephanie seem pretty tight in current times, which bodes well for her. (I try not to have too much of a bias, but I do like Stephanie.)

See y’all next week, when D’Andra makes the incorrect decision to be roasted on TV.

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