The Real Housewives of Dallas Bravo


The Real Housewives of Dallas Recap: Careyes on the Prize

A napkin is thrown! Let’s discuss.

There were a lot of silly things that happened on this silly show last night. A tall, lithe woman struggled to perform a cartwheel. Everyone peed behind an abandoned trailer. Brandi wore a rainbow sequined hat that seemed to shapeshift before our very eyes. I believe someone called someone else a “little dingleberry.” But the silliest and funniest moment of all was when D’Andra, absolutely zooted on tequila shots, doesn’t believe in vans.

“There’s a van? Ha! A van?” D’Andra says defiantly. “Hm. Okay.” Wow. What a moment.

Of course, the big moment this episode was the throwing of a napkin (people always argue that #RHOD’s ratings should be higher and this… isn’t the plot point they should direct people to for proof). But of course, it’s more than a thrown napkin. The whole napkin interaction is emblematic of the alliances and cliques that form far beyond the walls of high school, and the childhood insecurities we all continue to grapple with as fully grown women.

I mean, I think!

Anyway, we begin with our sweet, sensitive Stephanie literally waking up and throwing up because of LeeAnne and Kary’s fight the night before. This fight, which has ended up being more about LeeAnne’s potential weaponization of suicide and sob stories than anything else, doesn’t seem like it’s going to be resolved any time soon. Great.

The whole situation understandably affects Stephanie more than anyone else because, despite LeeAnne’s openness with the subject, Stephanie has become the cast member people reach out to most about suicide and depression. Which is interesting! But also tough. When a producer asks Stephanie why she puts on a happy face, she says, “People don’t like to be around people who don’t make them feel good. Nobody would want to be my friend if I was honest about what I have to deal with.” I’m two for two when it comes to weeks Stephanie Hollman has made me cry watching “Real Housewives.”

Anyway, this Mexico vacation is very active. LeeAnne sits out for a stair workout (I don’t believe for a second she isn’t capable of cardio because that bod is rockin’). I mentioned Brandi’s headgear choice earlier, but there’s a lot of hat work going on here. Kameron has a Chanel baseball cap and I did not know they made those.

Also, they start taking tequila shots after this morning workout and they literally never stop.

So, okay, there’s a polo match, but something feels very off here. Like, no one else is here to watch the match. The polo players don’t even seem to want to be watched. The field isn’t even set up for fans! The only bathroom is miles away. Why did we come here? To force these poor women to pee behind an abandoned trailer? So that Kam could mentioned how she grew up on the polo field? I like Kam, and think she’s a reality TV treasure, but I do not care.

I do, however, enjoy this giant meditation bowl, the Copa Del Sol. (If you were thinking, hey, I’d love to see sweeping shots of this interactive art instillation set to a David Bowie song, here you are.)  It’s a “release” for all except Kam.

At dinner, it’s clear that no one has been properly hydrating. D’Andra is by far and away the most blitzed, but it seems like a pretty shaky situation across the board. We immediately dive right back into this roommate problem. People keep trying to say that Brandi and Stephanie are cliquey, but Brandi rightfully (in my opinion, anyway) turns that right back around on LeeAnne and Kameron. So then…

  • Brandi directs the “F word” at Kameron.
  • Kam throws that napkin and (unless it’s just editing) drops “bitch” on Brandi and says, “That was trash. I’m done with you.” Then she just walks right off.

My biggest issue here is that Kameron never sticks things out. She never really engages in a fight and more than anything, I want to see Kameron fight. Kameron is smart, funny, and has admitted to being a Housewives superfan. I want to see her really dig her kitten heels into an argument. Maybe the problem is that she hasn’t found a worthy cause. Later, she’ll once again abandon this particular kerfuffle (by once again abruptly walking away), because I think she knows this isn’t it. She throws the word “trash” around a lot when it comes to Brandi, and whether or not she means anything by it, Brandi has a right to be hurt.

Before this season is over, I want to see Kameron get into it over something important. To throw down a napkin in the name of something righteous, like someone canceling on her last minute, or the never-ending construction on Preston and Armstrong. It needs to stop!

See you back in Careyes next week! (And see Kam, Kary, and D’Andra on Instagram Live last night, where we learned a little more about that simply insane house.)


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