Wednesday, June 7, 2023 Jun 7, 2023
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Why Don’t the Dallas Cowboys Own

The team once accidentally bid $275K for the URL.
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Photo Jayne Kamin-Oncea, USA TODAY Sports

A law-practicing friend of StrongBurner (unofficial chimera created by the unholy union of StrongSide and FrontBurner) noticed earlier this week that is for sale. An outfit called eNaming is handling the deal. Side note: eNaming was founded by a mortgage loan officer named Tracy Fogarty who is apparently striving to curate the most boring Instagram feed ever.

Funny thing about the URL: the Dallas Cowboys actually tried to buy back in 2007. Team officials jumped into an online auction, got confused, and accidentally bid $275,000 for the URL when they thought they were bidding just $275. Hey, look, we’ve all been there. Mistakes happen.

So what’s the holdup here? The team is worth $8 billion. Even if Fogarty says the deal doesn’t get done for less than, oh, $2 million, doesn’t that seem like a no-brainer? My expert analysis: this is weird.

Because I am an excellent procrastinator who is on deadline, I looked up the mascot URLs for all 32 NFL teams. Only 13 teams, including the Cowboys, do not control their mascot URLs. Let’s go alphabetical by city, just for funsies:

Arizona Cardinals: St. Louis got there first, buddy.

Atlanta Falcons: it’s for sale! Arthur Blank, use some of that sweet Home Depot money, and snap up this sucker. You’re 79 years old. Clock’s ticking.

Baltimore Ravens: this one is so odd. The URL points to an Amazon page for a book about Yale football. Someone is trolling someone, and I love it.

Buffalo Bills: have you racked up some crazy credit card debt? Here’s the place to go to get that consolidated. Good luck.

Chicago Bears: there’s a Disney movie called Bears. Not to be confused with The Care Bears Movie.

Denver Broncos: it’s a fan site for all sports teams whose mascot is a bronco.

Detroit Lions: something about I.T.

Houston Texans: some sort of blockchain crypto nonsense that Matt Damon should fly into space and promote.

Los Angeles Rams: this one is my favorite. It’s a site dedicated to the preservation of bighorn sheep.

New Orleans Saints: I have no idea what this is, but it bills itself as “Your 1-stop resource!” If you want something or need to know something or a have a problem, this is the place for you. Apparently.

New York Jets: you can guess. Go ahead and guess. Yeah, it’s a site for private jet aviation. Feels like “Your 1-stop resource!” should cover that, too, but what do I know?

Philadelphia Eagles: you know who doesn’t give two craps about how much money Jeff Lurie can throw around? The Eagles. R.I.P., Glenn Frey.

So there you have it. I’m not sure what we accomplished here other than I definitely avoided doing something I should have been doing. And now we all know is for sale. If I’m Mark Cuban, I know what I’m doing today.


Tim Rogers

Tim Rogers

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Tim is the editor of D Magazine, where he has worked since 2001. He won a National Magazine Award in…

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