The 20 Male Poses of Facebook: Dallas Edition

A friend sent me an email linking to one of the best blog posts I’ve read in a while. Patsy Meg, of 2birds2blog, rounded up Facebook profile pics of New York’s many “Ryans” and examined the pattern of poses. There’s the workout picture, the sideways peace sign hand gestures, and the kissing-the-girlfriend photo. Read all about them here–it WILL make you laugh–and then follow the jump to see my roundup of the many faces of Dallas’ “Jakes.” (Includes Jacobs.)

We, too, have the High Contrast/Photoshop Filter/iSightShot group (see #1), who mask their faces behind colorful auras. I think they assume it makes them look artistic.

The Dallas variety of the Just Hangin’ with my Bros Shot (see #3) seems a bit sillier than the Ryans’ of NYC. These guys are up to no good, and they can’t wait for people to find out. “Hey, look at us! We’re silly! And we do silly things on vacation!”

I’m going to pass over Meg’s “Too Much Party For One Picture Shot”, “I Love My Girlfriend Shot” (sooooooo boring), “Me & My Girlfriend Support a Team! Shot” (we have lots of those, though), and the “THIS GUY! Shot” (not so many of those). (The Jakes of Dallas produce an outstanding number of “Me and My Girlfriend Go to Friends’ Weddings” shots, by the way.) Let’s move right on ahead to the Drunk Guido Shot. Fortunately, I did not come across many of these in the Dallas Jake Facebook lineup. But, unlike the men of New York, Dallas guys are not afraid to post themselves looking as pretty as possible. Call it the “I’m Prettier Than My Girlfriend Shot” or the “Watch Me Stare Off In Deep Thought Shot” or maybe even the “My Handsomeness Rivals the Sunset Shot.”

Let’s move on to the Just Jamming with my Band Shot (see #12), shall we? What I’ve discovered, instead, is that the tatted men of this city are far too bold to beat around the bush with an artistic band shot of sorts. They go right to the goods with the “I’m A Badass. Here’s My Tattoo to Prove It” photo.

Next, let’s take a brief look at the Accidental Self-Photographer Shot (#16). Guys are far less into making themselves look like a 10 for Facebook, right? Wrong. Busted. The shoulder lift proves it. (Warning: Do not attempt while driving like this guy.)

The Self-Cell-Photographer Shot (see # 16) is a nationwide movement, sadly. Girls make kissy faces in the mirror to their PDAs, and well, guys do it, too. (Sometimes topless.)

And speaking of topless, let’s delve right into the shirtless conversation. It makes you creepy to post near-nakie pictures of yourself as your profile picture on Facebook, men. Please stop. (And please stop kissing manequins, as well.) Introducing: the “I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt Shot.”

We’re going to skip #18 on Meg’s list and replace it with the “You Don’t Know Me, Son Shot.” Apparently the good Southern mommies of Dallas taught their Jakes not to flip the bird to strangers. Of course, they still need to get their point across, though. Hence these serious shots.

I happen to love The Throwin’ a Hand Sign Shot (see #19). It’s terrible and terribly funny. Does anyone even know exactly what all the gestures mean? Gangsters do it. Gangster-ish boys do it. Gangster-wannabes do it. And SMU frat boys do it.

Now I’m going to throw in a Dallas original. I like to call it the “I Hunt Pose.” Posing with rifles, in camouflage, or with a collection of bleeding feathery or furry things all fall in this category. Most frightening, of course, is a toddler holding a gun the size of her body. Cute hair tie, though, kiddo.

Newsletter

Keep me up to date on the latest happenings and all that D Magazine has to offer.

Comments

  • Rachel

    This is so great, and unfortunately so true!!

  • Kink

    I agree with Rachel. Hilarious, but sadly true. Really hope this gives Dallas guys a hint!

  • Whew. Just missed being featured. That was close.

  • Margaret

    OMG. I have the my boyfriend and I support a sports team shot right now. 🙂

    (Go Sooners)

  • Dustin

    Guys are so lame.

  • Mack Brown

    Is there really a sports team named the Sooners?!? ohhh yeah… those country folk accross the red river…

  • Alana

    This article hits the nail on the head regarding guys and facebook profile pictures. Unfortunately, girls can be just as lame.

  • Raya Ramsey

    Well, if it’s a Sooner photo, it’s totally fine. 😉

  • Raya Ramsey

    @Alana, I know right? Between kissy faces and the arm thing, we’re incredibly guilty of bad FB photos.

  • Rachel

    Raya, will you please do a follow up article on girls photos? I enjoyed this way too much!

  • Alana

    Please attack the girls who have entire photo albums of their faces at different angles.

  • Margaret

    It is a Sooner Football pic at Owen Field…
    And yes, it is those people across the river. The ones going to the Big 12 champtionship and who beat UT…

    My favorite girl one is (and I know we are all guilty of it!) cropping your friend out for your profile pic because you look really good in the group photo.

    But then you or your friends are like… “Hey! That is my sweater and my hair you cropped out!”

  • LB

    Hilarious! You have to one for girls too.

  • Pingback: | FrontBurner()