Humor

Great Cart (Mostly)!

An editor gives the Bag Boy Quad XL four stars. It could handle crashes better.

This is a great golf push cart, and I would have given it a higher rating if it weren’t for one major design flaw. That flaw: at a high rate of speed, headed downhill, with an adult riding it, the Bag Boy Quad XL has a tendency to become unstable and crash. I learned this last weekend on the 18th fairway at Tenison Park, on the Highlands course. The 18th fairway on the Glen course, for those who don’t know, is an uphill par 5 and not suited to cart riding.

I must give this push cart its due, though. It is easy to fold and unfold. The hand brake is convenient. I found that the cup holder works beautifully, accommodating a Venti Starbucks cup during the early holes of my round just as easily as it held a Bud Light tall boy after the refreshment cart came around. I have read other reviews that criticize the umbrella holder. I’m not qualified to address that issue—if, indeed, it is an issue—as I’ve yet to play a round with the Bag Boy Quad XL while it was raining. The integrated strap secures the golf bag. And, without question, the little bungee cord that holds your phone is a marvel that nearly warrants a review all its own.

But back to the crash that cost this cart its fifth star. Having hooked my drive left of the fairway and then hit a 7-iron into a green-side bunker, I thought, “I wonder if I can ride my new push cart down this hill.” The Bag Boy Quad XL offers no rear-mounted perch on which a golfer can stand, so I had to approach it from the front and sort of wrap my legs around the golf bag, almost as if I were attempting to make love to it, and look over my shoulder as I rode toward 18 green.

The cart picked up speed quickly. The previously mentioned instability manifested itself. Time slowed. With a sudden clarity, I realized that I should have hit a 6-iron on my approach shot. I imagined my own funeral. One of the surviving members of our foursome would take the lectern at my service and say, “He died doing what he loved, testing golf equipment so that he could write helpful Amazon reviews. He never did get to hit out of that sand trap, but if God’s plan had allowed him to finish the round, I believe he would have gotten up and down for a par. He would have carded a 93.”

Then the crash happened. It seemed to me like the earth flipped upside down as the Bag Boy Quad XL and I remained stationary, wrestling each other. We came to rest in the fairway, neither of us upright. My companions laughed like hyenas without waiting to see if I was unhurt. Which, it turned out, I was. Or wasn’t. Unhurt, I mean.

Getting ready for bed that night, I took off my shirt and discovered an impressive contusion on my stomach.

“What is that?” my wife asked, more accusatorily than with concern.

“That? Oh, that’s probably just from golf,” I told her.

There followed a line of questioning that pretty quickly revealed the unapproved purchase of the Bag Boy Quad XL, which is a good value at $171.19, given what it costs to rent an electric golf cart and considering that walking is good for you and, further, taking into account a certain someone’s recent tennis expenditures. I mean, as long as we’re on the topic, even if one were to play tennis every single day of the week, seven “cute and flouncy” skirts should be plenty. No matter.

You know what’s better than an unassailable argument? A push cart that’s safe to ride and avoids that argument altogether. I give the Bag Boy Quad XL four stars.

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