A Dallasite’s Thanksgiving Prayer

May our city prosper, but not beyond Prosper.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for exalting Brooklyn as the nation’s most expensive city, thus compelling Dallas’ cheesemongers, chocolatiers, beer brewers, coffee roasters, popsicle purveyors, candle makers, and letterpress printers to remain within North Oak Cliff’s boundaries.

Lord, bless all the patisseries that somehow keep pumping out macarons in every rainbow color. May all of Dallas’ ovens stay fertile so that the bakers’ dry, overpriced treats always have a place at our baby shower tables.

We’re thankful for The Real Housewives of Dallas for shedding a light on Charity World, and Charity World for shedding a light on our Carolina Herrera dresses. And thank you for showing us that true love does exist as manifested in the romance of JoJo and Jordan.

We’re grateful for the fashion bloggers holding up our city’s colorful walls. If our clicks haven’t said it already, we really do

Guide us so that we may find a path that is not under construction. Protect us as we walk the streets of Deep Ellum. And shine your grace on us as a parking garage is built upon Klyde Warren Park, with another park likely built upon that garage, and an even smaller garage, perhaps for bikes or other conveyances, built upon that park.

Thank you for delivering us from evil by sending the Republican National Convention to Cleveland. And thank you for encouraging Mayor Mike Rawlings to spend every bit of his political capital on a bad plan for Fair Park so that we may crack wise about him again.

We pray for the Arlington taxpayers who are sacrificing their riches so that we may enjoy America’s pastime in the air conditioning. Grant the stadium’s architects the wisdom to study the sun’s course, lest it someday strike Yu Darvish’s eyes in the ninth inning.

Praise be to valets, that we need not wander more than 40 seconds in the desert that exists between our vintage Land Cruisers and the Truck Yard entrance.

Beautiful are you for bringing the Local market to Highland Park Village so nearby residents may enjoy your natural bounty and embrace the farm-to $13,000-Saarinen-table movement.

Should we encounter an Uptown girl, let us not cast the first stone, but instead hug her, wipe off her shoes, and put her in an Uber.

Humble our restaurateurs, that they no longer peddle $17 burgers. Strike them down should they conceive of $15 millet-battered corny dogs or $20 Kobe nachos.

Let our city prosper, but not beyond Prosper. The commute is too long and DART’s budget should go to building a subway. Screw Addison. Amen.


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