Sex & the Sushi
Remember the good ol’ days—say, 1995—when sushi still counted as an exotic dining experience? Alas, today you can pick it up at your neighborhood grocery store, along with Frosted Flakes. But a local company called bodysushi is now heating up the scene, mixing the edible with the erotic. The Lizard Lounge hosted bodysushi’s first event in April, and a packed house took the bait to dine off of—people. “It wasn’t intended to be such a giant event,” says Jeffrey Berthiaume, who heads up the company. “But the fact that it turned out to be total chaos was pretty exciting.” The models wear strategically placed banana leaves to separate their bodies from the meal (and only a minimal amount of clothing separates them from the leaves). The company marks a new direction for Berthiaume, who runs a web consulting company called Brain Syndicate and once worked for EDS. So has he received any complaints about the concept, which has sparked protests in other cities? “The really depressing answer to that is no,” he says with a laugh. “A little bit of controversy would probably help our promotion.” —BRIAN D. SWEANY
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Don’t Smoke ’Em If You Got ’Em
What’s the latest stink in the West End? A mystery phone call that left the West End Pub smokeless—and the Holocaust Museum breathing easier. The tenants share the atrium in a 100-year-old building, an area that WEP paid rent on for the use of its restrooms. But shortly after the museum opened, a complaint was filed because of the foul smell, and the city yanked the pub’s smoking permit. WEP owner Bob Allen believes that the museum was behind the decision. “We firmly believe they will not be happy until all of the smoke is eliminated—until we’re forced to move,” he says. At first museum officials were willing to discuss the feud, then they changed their minds. But they denied that they filed a complaint and insisted that they’re only “interested in clean air.” Of course, it may not matter. That aging building has an odor that will never go away. —JESSICA NORSCH
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{ BLOGS }
Bursting at the Screens
An online forum lets Parkies say what they really think. Their kids, too.
by Adam McGill
Bubble Life (www.bubblelife.com) bills itself as the online home of the Park Cities, a web site that allows conscientious parents (and their mischievous kids) the opportunity to express their concerns and opinions. Or just rant. Here are some of our favorite postings so far:
Discussion Topic: “7-11”
Poster: unstable
Comment: “I am just waiting for someone to slip and fall by the Slurpee machine and sue 7-11. After school is out that area in the store is a mess. I cannot believe how messy some of these kids are. I wonder how many of them have ever had to clean up after themselves.”
Discussion Topic: “Halloween”
Poster: saffie.ellerman
Comment: “Call me the Wicked Witch but I had some kids come to the house that were not dressed up. One was wearing a HP t-shirt and the other was wearing a UT t-shirt. Both approximately 12 years old. They said they were Sports Fans. I told them that those not in costume only get one piece of candy!”
Discussion Topic: “Alcohol and Testosterone Don’t Mix”
Poster: Chanteuse
Comment: “I am really appalled by some of these posts, and I am sick and tired of the poor use of language and total lack of correct spelling! I’m hoping that a lot of these are from kids.”
Discussion Topic: “How far is ‘too far’?”
Poster: Brenda
Comment: “The rumor about the 8th grader was started by some other 8th grade girls and is totally false. Hopefully they have been talked to and disciplined appropriately.”
Discussion Topic: “How Stupid Bubble Life Is”
Poster: HPPROUD
Comment: “Honestly this is sad that mothers actually come on here and post their stupid thoughts. Let your husbands work all day while you play on the internet gossiping on subjects you have very liitle [sic] knowledge about. If this post gets to you, GOOD then I am doing my job speaking the opinion that all kids have about this stupid site. GET A LIFE IF YOU ARE READING THIS.”
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SHAME, SHAME, SHAME
We were southbound on Oak Lawn Avenue, around 10:02 in the morning, when we saw a cigarette butt fly from the window of a Ford Expedition XLT registered to Van Williamson. On that Expedition were three stickers, all identical: three orange fish bearing the message “JOIN CCA.” That would be the Coastal Conservation Association. We are left to assume that Van Williamson—or whomever Van Williamson might have loaned his SUV to that day—supports the conservation and preservation of marine resources but WANTS TO POISON ALL TERRESTRIAL LIFE FORMS WITH HIS FILTHY BUTTS. To the driver of Van Williamson’s SUV, we say: shame, shame, shame!
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{ ENTOMOLOGY }
Bee-yotch!
Nationwide, bees are dropping like flies and farmers are worried. They should come get some of ours.
by Tim Rogers
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| TO BEE OR NOT TO BEE: Goodwin has stayed busy all summer, despite a nationwide shortage of honeybees. |
Then he plunges the crowbar into the eave of a house and pries it open. Honeybees, tens of thousands of them, pour out in a thick stream, like a bee fire hydrant. They attack Goodwin. The nervous homeowner retreats into his Lake Highlands house, where, from behind a screen door, he watches Goodwin pull 20 pounds of dripping honeycomb out of his roof.
The bee-remediation business has been brisk for Goodwin this summer. His All-Time Pest Control handles all sorts of critters, but lately it’s been nothing but bees. Which is weird. Because right now, in case you hadn’t heard, the country is in the midst of a dire bee shortage.
By some estimates, the bee population has declined by 50 percent in the past six months alone. Blame the varroa mite, a parasite that sucks bee blood and has become immune to pesticides. Too, cheaper imported honey has driven down the number of commercial beekeepers. It adds up to a $20 billion problem for farmers of citrus fruits, almonds, and other plants that aren’t self-pollinating.
But in North Texas, the bee population appears “quite healthy,” according to Mike Merchant, a professor and extension entomologist with Texas A&M. Merchant and his colleagues have been fielding lots of calls from people with bee infestations.
“A couple of years ago, we got practically no calls,” Merchant says. “But for the past two or three years, calls have been up. The bees seem to be doing just fine.”
You don’t need to tell that to Goodwin. He’s been as busy as a, um, beaver.
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BURNING QUESTIONThe first thing you notice about Donna Shaffer (left), the new director at Benu Spa & Salon at Mockingbird Station, is her ultra-feminine aura. Her makeup is flawless, and her nails are perfectly manicured. But Shaffer has a super-stealthy side: for two years she worked as a Secret Service agent. That may explain some of her charmingly evasive answers (Q: Which president needed the most facial work? A: No comment.), but we were obsessed with finding out how a woman goes from watching your back to waxing it.
“My education is in exercise physiology. I worked as a personal trainer in Nashville, where a particular client, the Special Agent in Charge of Nashville, recruited me into the Secret Service. I had the opportunity to serve many presidents and dignitaries, but the travel was too intensive. That’s when I began working in the spa industry.” —GABLE VINES
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POP QUIZ
Why Is This Woman Smiling?
A. Because her dog died.
B. Because she just learned that she has a rare intestinal parasite.
C. Because, as the head of the Dallas Citizens Council, she led the battle to defeat the strong-mayor proposal, which would have cleaned up City Hall. Instead, FBI agents are crawling all over downtown, the city is embarrassed, and our local government remains dysfunctional.
D. Because she’s goofy.
Death and Taxes
Prince of Hamburgers, the beloved hamburger stand on Lemmon Avenue, died suddenly on June 13 after a long battle with the IRS. Born in 1927, the popular drive-in was known for great thin-meat burgers, tater tots, malts, chili, and sassy carhops. The iconic orange and white awnings and the red and green neon sign were rescued by local sign collector Dan Holzschuh. May the Prince rest in peace.
PHOTOGRAPH BY PETER CALVIN
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THE NEW GOSSIP
TIE ME UP, TIE ME DOWN
A few months ago, Mike Devlin, the newly installed station manager of ABC Channel 8, saw something he didn’t like on his noon newscast. A reporter was doing a live shot in front of a house that had burned down. An elderly woman had died inside. And not only did the reporter have sunglasses perched on his head, but he also wasn’t wearing a tie. The reporter was Brett Shipp, a highly decorated 10-year veteran of the 
station. Shipp was a known enemy of the necktie and hadn’t worn one on the air for years. To call it his signature look would not be unfair. But Devlin soon issued an edict: henceforth, male reporters would wear ties on the air. (Unfortunately, bow ties are acceptable.) No names were mentioned—except for Dale Hansen’s, who remains exempt from the new tie rule. “I’m sure it was directed at me,” Shipp says. “We’re under different leadership now, and things change. But Hansen’s the 800-pound gorilla. No one’s going to sit there and tell Dale which way to part his hair.”
DIRECTOR’S CUT Phil Romano, the brains behind such culinary hits as Fuddruckers, Romano’s Macaroni Grill, and eatZi’s, recently penned a book about his business philosophy called Food for Thought. But what caught our eye was a claim on the back cover that touted Romano as the “Steven Spielberg of the restaurant industry.” Hold the mustard, we thought. A quick LexisNexis search revealed that in 1988 the Chicago Tribune used the exact same moniker to describe its local gastronomic groundbreaker Richard Melman, the founder of Lettuce Entertain You Enterprises. We’re disappointed in your thievery, Mr. Romano, but given that two of your concepts have been called Pasta Toots and Nachomama’s, maybe you’re more Spaceballs and Blazing Saddles than E.T. and War of the Worlds. But there are worse things than being the Mel Brooks of the restaurant industry.
Credits
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