As we slouch toward economic recovery, perhaps it would serve us well to remember the 1980s. First, because the ’80s were turbulent times, not too terribly unlike the ones we find ourselves faced with now, and those ignorant of history are doomed to repeat it. But also because any diversion from current events is a welcome one.
So forget about your shrinking 401(k). Let’s think about the ’80s, shall we? Ah, yes. The decade of affluence and the ostentatious display thereof. The go-go ’80s. And, for that matter, the Go-Go’s. And Prozac and Pac-Man and Ronald Reagan. But how much of the local ’80s scene do you recall? That is, assuming the party favors didn’t take too high a toll.
1. What was Dallas’ first fern bar?
a. Balboa Cafe
b. The Hanging Basket
c. San Francisco Rose
2. When it opened in 1985, the 72-story InterFirst Plaza was the tallest building in Texas.
3. Match each airline with its ’80s advertising slogan.
a. Loving you is what we do
b. Doing what we do best
c. We get you there with Flying Colors
d. You still have friends in high places
e. Makes flying beautiful again
4. In 1983, Danny White, Randy White, and other Dallas Cowboys were featured in a comic book combating villains even more heinous than George Allen and Buddy Ryan. Who were the Boys in Blue teamed with in this noble effort?
a. The Incredible Hulk
b. Captain America
c. The Amazing Spider-Man
d. John Wiley Price
5. In an unsuccessful effort to keep SMU students away from 8.0 in the Quadrangle when it opened in 1980, owner Shannon Wynne adopted an icon of a slash through which of the following symbols?
a. The Rotunda
b. Peruna the mustang
c. A slice of pepperoni pizza
d. The Izod alligator
6. What was the Hoop-It-Up three-on-three basketball extravaganza first called?
c. Whoopie Ball
7. In the early ’80s, who starred in The Owl and the Pussycat at Granny’s Dinner Playhouse on Coit Road?
a. Sonny Bono
b. Soupy Sales
c. Charlie Waters
d. Troy Dungan
8. At which drinkery could you “Beat the Clock” every Tuesday, enjoying drinks that started at 30 cents at 3 p.m. and increased in price at the rate of 10 cents an hour until 7 p.m.?
a. Recovery Room
b. The Saloon
c. Cactus Bar and Grill
d. Chelsea Corner
9. Match the establishment with its musical genre.
c. Lillie Langtry’s
d. Ground Zero
e. Hot Klub
f. Texas Tea House
g. Rick’s Casablanca
ee. New wave
10. The episode of Dallas that aired Nov. 21, 1980, during which the world learned that Kristin had shot J.R., was viewed by more people than had ever watched a TV program.
11. KZEW-FM, affectionately known as “the Zoo” to loyal Dallas rock listeners, unraveled as the decade wore on. DJ Ken Baker quit after being berated for what on-air offense?
a. Broadcasting an entire program while hopping on a pogo stick
b. Simulcasting a George Carlin routine
c. Being high on marijuana
d. Interrupting a musical offering to announce a tornado warning
12. Who gained national attention for easily outdoing local sportswriters in picking pro football game winners in 1984?
a. Norm Hitzges
b. Mickey Rivers
c. Skip Bayless
d. A gorilla at the Dallas Zoo
13. Match the unusual feature with its establishment.
a. A UPI teletype machine
b. A Dmitri Vail portrait of Mickey Rooney
c. Cotton-tailed bunnies
d. Cactus pillars
e. Mural of a pink flamingo
aa. Strictly TaBu
bb. Playboy Club
cc. Longhorn Ballroom
dd. Lakewood Yacht Club
14. Who was the first person to score for the Dallas Mavericks?
a. Brad Davis
b. Tom LaGarde
c. Abdul Jeelani
d. Rolando Blackman
15. What did the “NFL” in the popular early ’80s bar NFL stand for?
a. No Free Lunch
b. National Football League
c. No Foul Language
d. Nick Farrelley’s Lounge
16. At the close of the ’80s, what local restaurant operator’s stock nearly tripled in a single year?
a. Old Spaghetti Warehouse
b. Steak and Ale
c. Pancho’s Mexican Buffet
17. Bum Bright, owner of the Cowboys between Clint Murchison and Jerry Jones, had all but one of the following superstitious habits. Which one was not a ritual?
a. Drinking orange juice seven sips at a time
b. Honking 11 times when he got home each day
c. Signing all business deals in black ink
d. Sitting on the 13-yard line at Cowboys games
18. How were Drs. Michael S. Brown and Joseph L. Goldstein of the University of Texas Health Science Center rewarded in 1985 for discovering the molecule that controls blood cholesterol levels?
a. They were each given gold Bulova watches.
b. Dr. Brown was terminated and Dr. Goldstein suspended for prematurely disclosing the discovery to the press.
c. They were awarded the Nobel Prize.
d. They were given lucrative employment contracts by Bristol-Meyers.
19. Until the Blue Law was repealed on Sept. 1, 1985, only one of the following could legally be sold here seven days a week. Which one?
b. Washing machines
c. Educational toys
20. Who was refused service at The Mansion on Turtle Creek for being improperly dressed?
a. Margaret Thatcher
b. The Dalai Lama
c. James Garner
d. Neil Diamond
21. In the early ’80s, several Dallas live theater operations offered innovative presentations such as the following. Match the production with the subject matter.
a. Standing on Knees
b. Rejoice, Dang It, Rejoice
c. The Amorous Flea
d. Full Hook Up
e. Ladybug, Ladybug, Fly Away Home
aa. Tangled relationships in a small Texas town
bb. A schizophrenic poet
cc. An impersonation of Dallas Morning News Columnist Paul Crume
dd. A rich old man raises a young girl to be his wife
ee. Domestic violence and murder
22. What was car repairman Thom Marshall’s security system?
a. An electric fence
b. Harvey Martin
c. A mega-blast recording of “I Fought the Law and the Law Won”
d. A gila monster
23. All but one of the following had a suite at Texas Stadium. Who did not?
a. Gordon McLendon
b. Cullen Davis
c. Danny Faulkner
d. Gene Street
24. In 1984, the Dallas City Council approved a request from the Dallas Public Library to assess fines of $50 a day for delinquent books.
25. Colorful Dallas City Council member and mayoral candidate Max Goldblatt made all but which one of the following proposals?
a. Trap the blackbirds at Ferris Plaza and deport them from the city
b. Purchase a helicopter with a magnet to lift stalled vehicles off of Dallas freeways
c. Make North Central Expressway one way inbound every morning and one way outbound every evening
d. Allow Pleasant Grove to secede from Dallas
26. What was the unusual feature of the Lone Star National Bank at Akard Place?
a. It offered free notary service for non-customers.
b. It had a bulletproof drive-thru window.
c. It refused to give or receive cash.
d. It used two-dollar bills whenever possible.
27. What Texas Rangers slugger hit three grand-slam home runs in a single week in 1982?
a. Dave Hostetler
b. Jeff Burroughs
c. Pete Incaviglia
d. Larry Parrish
28. We know you know that Nolan Ryan chalked up his 5,000th strikeout at the expense of Oakland’s Rickey Henderson, but who was number 4,999?
a. Jose Canseco
b. Carney Lansford
c. Ron Hassey
d. Robin Ventura
29. Match the name used on the air with the real name of these radio personalities.
a. Cat Simon
b. Cuzzin’ Lenny
d. Jimmy Stewart
e. Harry Nelson
aa. Victor Pryles
bb. Cloyd Moll
cc. Jim Carney
dd. Kerry Alford
ee. Leonard Henderson
30. Osborn Furniture Company had the misfortune of being next door to the eternally popular Campisi’s pizza emporium in the early ’80s, before Campisi’s added the parking lot down the block. What did the furniture company threaten would happen to parking violators?
a. They would be towed to Oklahoma.
b. Their headlights would be smashed.
c. Their license plates would be removed and mailed to Guam.
d. They would get indigestion.
31. In the early days, when DART was still unsure of its success, the transit company entered into an arrangement with Kwik Wash Laundry to pick up dirty clothes as patrons boarded the buses and drop off the clothes for the riders to pick up in the evening.
32. After 40 Dallas vice-squad detectives raided the Starck Club and confiscated drugs and sundries including Ecstasy, cocaine, LSD, Dilaudid, and marijuana, what was the club’s punishment?
a. It was shut down.
b. It was prohibited from permitting its patrons to dance for two weeks.
c. It was ordered to place armed guards in the restrooms.
33. Match these establishments with their predecessors at the same location.
a. Belle Starr
b. In Cahoots
d. Knox Street Ice House
bb. Jean Claude
cc. Bovarian Steakhouse
ee. Quiet Man
34. Before the Vickery Feed Store became a Greenville Avenue theme restaurant, it was a feed store.
35. What new product made big bucks for Irving-based Docutel in the ’80s?
a. Hotel pay-per-view
b. The Fuzzbuster
c. The automated teller machine
d. Headphones for joggers
36. Whom did these ’80s bumper stickers honor?
a. Hitler was mad too, Eddie.
b. I’m not drunk, I’m just having a stroke.
c. Will Rogers never met ______.
37. Match each of the following savings and loan associations with its unfulfilled promise.
a. Sunbelt Savings
b. First Texas Savings and Loan
c. Lamar Savings
d. University Savings
e. Commerce Savings
aa. We have ways to beat the ’80s
cc. We’re growing
dd. Like your bank used to be, only better
ee. The future belongs to the pioneer
38. Much has been made of the dynasty the Dallas Cowboys built by trading Herschel Walker to the Minnesota Vikings, but how about the trade to the Houston Oilers that gave the Cowboys the right to draft the running back in the first place? Whom did the Cowboys give up for the right to draft Walker in the fifth round in 1985?
a. Mike Renfro
b. Butch Johnson
c. Mike Sherrard
d. Billy Parks
39. In its short and not-so-sweet struggle to compete with Southwest Airlines, Muse Air offered all but one of the following incentives. Which one was not part of the Muse campaign?
a. No smoking on any Muse flight
b. Free cocktails
c. Assigned seating
d. Boarding in groups of 30
40. In a public referendum in 1980, the citizens of Mesquite voted to ban R-rated movies from cable television.
41. The Tango, whose slogan was “Shut Up and Dance,” was itself silenced after a short run in the mid-’80s. Where did the six musical frogs that adorned the roof wind up?
a. The truck stop at Carl’s Corner, near Hillsboro on I-35.
b. The Dallas Museum of Natural History.
c. Around Mary Kay Ash’s swimming pool.
d. They were destroyed in a fire before they could be moved.
42. How did Confetti, the eclectic bar on Matilda off Lovers Lane, celebrate its first anniversary in 1983?
a. Sponsoring a marathon dance contest that lasted 126 hours
b. Mixing a 7,000 gallon cocktail
c. Hiring a crop duster to fly over the bar sprinkling confetti
d. Closing the bar for a week and flying the staff to Aruba
43. Rocky’s, the Dallas pawn shop where John Hinckley Jr. bought the gun used to shoot President Reagan, had a sign out front proclaiming “Guns don’t cause crime any more than flies cause garbage.”
44. Calluaud, named by the Greater Dallas Restaurant Association as the most influential Dallas restaurant of the last 50 years, was torn down in the mid-’80s to make room for a parking lot for the Hard Rock Cafe.
45. What proposed development panicked the folks in the Plano suburb of Parker in the mid-’80s?
a. A Holiday Inn
b. A Hindu temple
c. A Hypermart
d. A Harley-Davidson dealership
46. During the ’80s, the Dallas Mavericks passed up opportunities to draft all but which one of the following superstars?
a. Karl Malone
b. Isiah Thomas
c. Charles Barkley
d. Michael Jordan
47. Match the personality with the company touted in the ’80s.
a. Wilford Brimley
b. Pernell Roberts
c. Harry Anderson
d. Greg Louganis
e. Martin Mull
bb. Tom Thumb-Page
ee. First Texas Savings and Loan
48. Who was the tennis legend involved in the ill-fated Pasha club on lower McKinney Avenue?
a. Bjorn Bjorg
b. Ile Nastase
c. Vitas Gerulaitis
d. Martina Navratilova
49. What was forbidden from Baylor University Medical Center’s BaylorFast diet?
b. Carbon dioxide
50. Arrange these ’80s Hilltop milestones in chronological order, from earliest to latest.
a. An NCAA investigator is disturbed at reports that Coach Ron Meyer stuck a hundred-dollar bill on a college bulletin board as SMU’s calling card.
b. NCAA Director of Enforcement David Berst faints.
c. Governor Bill Clements admits that he and other members of the SMU board of directors agreed to continue payments to players after being told not to as a “winding down process” and a “moral obligation.”
d. Channel 8’s Dale Hansen breaks the story of payments to ex-player David Stanley.
e. SMU football is given the death penalty.
f. When asked why he had fibbed about knowledge of improper payments, Governor Clements says, “We weren’t operating like Inaugural Day with the Bible.”
g. NCAA finds SMU guilty of 36 rules violations, including cash gifts up to $5,000 to prospective players and their families.
1. c; 2. b. The Texas Commerce Tower in Houston was three stories taller; 3. a. cc, b. aa, c. ee, d. bb, e. dd; 4. c; 5. d; 6. a; 7. a; 8. c; 9. a. ff, b. gg, c. bb, d. ee, e. aa, f. cc, g. dd; 10. a; 11. d; 12. d; 13. a. dd, b. ee, c. bb, d. cc, e. aa; 14. c; 15. d; 16. a; 17. d; 18. c; 19. d; 20. c; 21. a. bb, b. cc, c. dd, d. ee, e. aa; 22. d; 23. d; 24. a; 25. d; 26. c; 27. d; 28. c; 29. a. bb, b. ee, c. cc, d. dd, e. aa; 30. d; 31. a; 32. b; 33. a. cc, b. aa, c. bb, d. ee, e. dd; 34. a; 35. c; 36. a. Eddie Chiles, owner of the Texas Rangers, who ran regular radio messages announcing that he was mad about things going on in Washington, D.C., and elsewhere. b. Sheriff Don Byrd, whose defense to a DWI charge was that his erratic driving was due to a stroke that he was having at the time. c. Sheriff Carl Thomas, during his bid for reelection; 37. a. bb, b. aa, c. ee, d. dd, e. cc; 38. b; 39. d; 40. b. The public referendum was held, but the voters approved R-rated movies; 41. a; 42. b; 43. a; 44. a; 45. b; 46. d; 47. a. cc, b. ee, c. bb, d. aa, e. dd; 48. c; 49. c; 50. a, g, d, e, b, c, f.
How totally Dallas are you?
Based on your score, which you can figure with the answers provided at the end of the quiz, here’s what we can say about you:
50-45 correct answers
You are Larry Hagman. As J.R., you personify Dallas and all its contradictions in the ’80s. We hate you. But we love to hate you.
44-35 correct answers
You are Patrick Duffy. As Bobby Ewing, you have six-pack abs but have lost your webbed feet. This is good. Still, you will never run Ewing Oil as well as your brother.
34-20 correct answers
You are Victoria Principal. As Pamela Ewing, you are, in J.R.’s words, trash. But Bobby loves you, and women copy your hairstyle. However, your car will explode when your contract expires.
20 or fewer correct answers
You are Donna Reed. As Miss Ellie, you get to stick around for just one season, while Barbara Bel Geddes is ill. You have an Oscar, but that’s not going to do you any good out on the ranch.
Win a totally tubular prize!
How would you like to be flown on a private jet to Los Angeles, stay in a four-star hotel, eat lunch with the entire cast of Dallas, and go on an all expenses-paid shopping trip on Rodeo Drive? Well, that’s not going to happen. Sike! But if you turn in the best score on this nine-question quiz about Dallas in the ’80s, you will be eligible for an ’80s DVD prize package (think Back to the Future) and a year’s worth of free movie rentals from Blockbuster.
Write your answers on this page and send it to D Magazine, attention ’80s Quiz, 4311 Oak Lawn Ave., First Floor, Dallas, TX 75219. Or simply take the quiz online at www.dmagazine.com. One entry per person. The winner will be chosen in a random drawing of all correct entries. All decisions of the editorial staff are capricious but final.
1. In 1986, why was radio and TV personality Kevin McCarthy fired from KDFW TV Channel 4?
a. For taking a joy ride in a station helicopter
b. For badmouthing Governor Bill Clements
c. For throwing Clarice Tinsley in a pool
d. For not wearing pants to work
2. Everyone had something to say when Tom Landry was fired in 1989. Match the comment with its originator.
a. “This is like Lombardi’s death.”
b. “You always know it’s going to happen sometime.”
c. ” Tom Landry is the Cowboys.”
d. “I think it’s probably a good time for him to leave.”
e. “Sometimes things work in mysterious ways.”
aa. Jerry Jones
bb. Pete Rozelle
cc. Danny White
dd. Dan Reeves
ee. Mike Ditka
3. Which one of the following stars did not make a promotional appearance at the Gemini drive-in theater, which stood at the corner of North Centra Expressway and Forest Lane until it closed in the mid-’80s?
a. John Wayne
b. Cybill Shepherd
c. Frankie Avalon
d. Raquel Welch
4. After failing to corner the silver market in 1980 and losing a billion dollars in the process, Nelson Bunker Hunt and brother William Herbert Hunt spent the rest of the decade in court. Match the Hunt treasure with the distress auction proceeds.
a. Bronze horse sculpted by P.J. Merne
b. Nelson’s oak rocker
c. Greek vase, circa 510 B.C.
d. “Ides of March” coin struck by Brutus
e. Silver chest
dd. $1.76 million
5. White rapper Vanilla Ice, who promoted himself as a Florida street tough, actually attended high school in the ’80s in a Dallas suburb where he was known as Robert Van Winkle. What suburb?
6. Danny Faulkner, who was at the center of the multimillion-dollar I-30 corridor land-flip scandal that helped bury the local savings and loan industry, could neither read nor write.
7. Confounding local skeptics, the Deep Ellum area matured in the ’80s as a solid center for offbeat entertainment for the young and daring, surviving what major hurdle in 1986?
a. Teenagers were saddled with a midnight curfew.
b. The legal drinking age was raised from 19 to 21.
c. The designer drug Ecstasy was added to the federal list of prohibited substances.
d. Dallas passed an ordinance prohibiting spiked hair longer than six inches.
8. In 1982, Ross Perot Jr. and business associate Jarvis Coburn were the first to circumnavigate the globe in a helicopter. On their triumphant return to Love Field, they were welcomed by the strains of which melody?
a. “Fly Like an Eagle”
b. “Texarkana Baby”
c. “Chariots of Fire”
d. “Daddy’s Little Man”
9. Kyle Rote Jr. was the all-time leading scorer for the Dallas Tornado soccer team with 128 goals, despite missing the entire 1980 season. Why did he take off in ’80?
a. To train for the ABC-TV Superstars competition
b. To host Just for Kicks on ESPN
c. Because of a salary dispute with owner Lamar Hunt
d. To help Mother Teresa combat world hunger