A Closer Look Meet Me at the Fair

“Did John the Baptist die a needless death?”

-Midway barker

State Fair of Texas, 1972



The freak-show hawker, announcing a dramatic scientific breakthrough, was pointing to the photo of Lola, the headless woman, swimming playfully in a glass tank of water. Young men gladly paid the 25-cent admission, not fooled by the barker’s spiel but drawn by the photo, which showed Lola without a bathing suit. I can report firsthand that the head trick was performed with mirrors, Lola was clad in an unrevealing swimsuit, and the ticket-taker did not give refunds.

There are no headless wonders, tattooed ladies or lizard boys on the Midway anymore- nothing more amazing than the world’s smallest horse. Nancy Wiley, public relations director for the Fair and author of The Great State Fair of Texas, says she does not miss such attractions. “One year we booked two ’world’s smallest women,’ ” Wiley recalls, “and we couldn’t get them to stand together so we could measure them.”

But this year’s State Fair of Texas (Sept. 27-Oct. 20) does feature an act reminiscent of the colorfully tasteless past-P.T. Barnum’s World of Wonderment. Several times daily at the Coliseum one can gawk at King Tusk, the largest elephant in captivity; the world’s only performing hippo; Chinese metal-benders; the world’s greatest knife thrower and the world’s strongest man. (Take a close look at this guy; if he doesn’t have a handlebar mustache, he’s a fake.)

Since our first State Fair in 1886, the event has hosted Buffalo Bill, Elvis Presley, William Jennings Bryan, Frank Sinatra, Hopalong Cas-sidy, Jack Benny, Carry Nation, Richard Nixon, William Howard Taft, Booker T. Washington, John Philip Sousa, Annie Oakley, John L. Sullivan, Woodrow Wilson, the Great Houdini, the Great Caruso, Gypsy Rose Lee and Elsie the Cow.

But I don’t go to see famous people-I go to graze. I like to arrive about 8 a.m., while the Fair is still waking up, before all the choice parking spots are taken. I start with an Owens Country sausage-and-biscuit near the cattle barns, then meander down to the Esplanade for a Belgian waffle. At about 10:30 a.m., I brunch on a Fletcher’s corny dog with Jack’s french fries on the side. I save the afternoon for the International Food Hall.

Whether it’s for the food, games, rides, music, contests or exhibits, the people keep coming. Last year the 24-day extravaganza set an all-time attendance record with 3,656.610 visitors, attributable in no small part, according to Wiley, to “231/2 days of sunshine.”

I find the common events the most amazing. Last year, I spent over an hour in the Swine Building watching 10-year-old boys and girls from places like Plainview, Hereford, Kaufman and Kemp persuading pigs to walk around in circles. The pigs were much bigger than their trainers and naturally obstinate, but they seemed to feel morally obligated to respond to the gentle tap on the hindquarters rather than succumb to the inborn inclination to root under the wire fence around the arena and make a mad dash for the garbage bin. I was enthralled, not so much by the performance, but by the fact that there are still kids in the 1990s who can perform without a joystick or a remote control.

I admire the feistiness of the bantam roosters; I marvel at the bulk of the Brahman bulls; and, OK I snea into the petting zoo to feed the llamas. And this year we have tigers-on an island in the Esplanade surrounded by a moat, sponsored by the Save the Tiger Fund. Wiley says there will also be a fence: contrary to popular belief, she says, ’tigers love to play in the water.”

In the Creative Arts Building (by the way, the Embarcadero next door has great funnel cakes), Julia Child will be on hand this year to help judge the chocolate cake contest. There will be special contests to see who canned the best black-eyed peas, cucumbers, wild grape jelly and dewberry jam. Lovers of sweets can take time out from the cotton candy to drool over homemade divinity and peanut brittle. A special event this year called “Spam Splendor” will feature a contest for the best appetizer, casserole, stir-fry or stew made with the Hormel favorite. The best Spam recipe will be entered in a national competition for a shopping spree in Minneapolis. Minn.

As for what to wear, I gave up trying to outguess Fair weather years ago. Texas in October is often cool in the morning and warm-to-hot in the afternoon. One year I opted for a T-shirt and shorts and nearly got frostbite at the top of the Ferris wheel. Now I take along a sweater and tie it around my waist in the afternoon. As far as a place to sit, there is none. There are benches, but regular Fair-goers stake these out and leave them to their children in their wills. I don’t mind plopping down on the grass, but every year it seems a little harder to get back up.

Did I mention the com on the cob over by the Food and Fiber Building? -Tom Peeler