Five Cheap Ways to Cover Texas Stadium

Now that Jerry Jones has lost his chance at Irvine’s DART sales-tax revenue, he has to find some way to raise the $6 million that a city-appointed committee determined it would cost to cover the hole in Texas Stadium’s roof. Such a tax expenditure, the city decided, was not worth the potential revenue from increased usage. But we’ll help Jerry out by offering these thrifty alternatives for filling the 3-acre hole:

1. Three words: Tom Landry’s hat. It continues to hang over the Cowboys’ heads anyway.

2. Hire Christ? to drape the stadium. Call it art and get NEA money.

3. Make a papier-mache ceiling made up of the Cowboys’ legal documents, most of which contain watertight defenses.

4. With the reconstruction of Central Expressway, there’s bound to be remnant chunks of asphalt and concrete.

5. In keeping with the recycling theme, use the replaced, fire-hazardous wood shingles from Piano homes.

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