Busting the Bad Guys with “COPS”

The man on TV is not an actor-he is a real drug dealer running from police. Darting between cars, the suspect crosses paths with a man carrying a video camera. He stops for a moment, apparently forgetting that he is trying to evade felony charges, and smiles…just long enough to he clocked upside the head by an angry officer who knocks him to the pavement, slaps on the cuffs, and tosses him into an unmarked paddy wagon where six other shackled crack dealers lie strewn across the metal floor.

Oh man, yes, another great bust. Another one bites the dust.

Such scenes have fostered my religious devotion to the television show “COPS.” There’s never a dull moment in the battle against crime, and thus 1 try never to miss an episode. Though some think this obsession to be somewhat weird, or maybe even downright sick, friends know not to bother me on weekdays from 6 to 6:30 p.m. or on Saturdays between 7 and 8 p.m. When I’m watching “COPS,” 1 don’t answer the door or pick up the phone.

From the first bars of the catchy reggae theme song -“Bad boys, bad hoys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do-oo when they come for you?”-“COPS” has me in custody. I am completely captivated by this up-close and personal encounter with America’s ills. I have an almost perverse fascination with the real-life travails of the legally challenged.

When “COPS” is on, the lights are off and the volume is up. The unsteady camera makes my 19-inch television a virtual-reality helmet that takes me behind police lines in the country’s toughest neighborhoods. So strap on your bullet-proof vest- we’re busting bad guys on location with the men and women of law enforcement.

“COPS” appeals to a part of me that often wants to be a cop, the part that: craves intensity, that wants to be smack-dab in the middle of the action. Every time 1 see the police ram down the door of a crack den, I imagine myself crouched alongside the brave officers, screaming at unsuspecting dope fiends as I pan across the room with my finger twitching against the trigger of my 9 mm. I can feel the fear. I can taste the adrenaline. 1 can smell the scum.

Or maybe it’s the MTV-weaned part of my psyche that really loves “COPS,” that thirsts for violence as much as drama. Let someone rough up the suspect and my juices start flowing. And, of course, car chases arc always exciting, especially when they result in car clashes or, better yet, ear fires, In one of my favorite chase scenes, a man with pitiful timing tries to bail out at a stolen sedan while the car is still moving at 30 or 40 miles per hour. The vehicle veers into a ditch as the fugitive is flung chest-first into a telephone pole, abruptly ending the pursuit. Whoa-ho-ho! As a man oft amused by the macabre, I also find “COPS” hysterically funny. Criminals sure can be stupid, and if you can’t laugh at moronic felons, then who can you laugh at? People on drugs. I suppose. They always seem to do silly things. Have you ever seen a man on PCP running naked with a lire extinguisher? That episode had me in tears.

Yes, “COPS” has it all: tragedy, comedy, even subtle social commentary. “COPS” is art in its purest form, Everything about it is so real. In fact, the show has some of the best dialogue anywhere; “I don’t know bleep about no motherbleepin’ gun. He’s the moth-erbkeper with the dope, man. Bleep.” It’s so raw, yet so vibrant. These are the words that truly reflect the constant rumblings in America’s underbelly.

Just last night, I watched police respond to a domestic abuse call from an elderly lady who wanted her alcoholic husband out of their trailer. To the cops’ surprise, the woman appeared unharmed, but the man was bruised and bloodied. So, in fact, she would be the one headed to jail that evening. “Are you serious?” asked the confused, frail woman. “I can’t believe this. This is the most humiliating, the most devastating thing. I whacked the drunk bastard with a broom. Big deal! This is just great.”

Yes ma’am, it really is. And thank you so much for sharing,.