Fourth Quarter, Fourth Down and Who Has The Ball?

Helllllo, sports fans. Today, we ’re reporting live with John Madden and Pat Summerall from the Goodyear blimp high above NationsBank Plaza. Our favorite pigskin pros have agreed to take a preseason break from the NFL to give us a play-by-play assessment of our own games-in-progress. Of course, the last several seasons have been tough for League Dallas, what with money problems and fighting among the players and coaches. But there’s been some leveling of the playing field and who knows how that could pay off. If you don’t like what you hear about our winners and losers, tune in again next month, because this is one sport that never ends. Guys, tell us what you see:

CENTRAL EXPRESSWAY: There must be a playbook, but it’s hard to tell if anyone has a lineup or knows who’s keeping score. Unlimited timeouts and frequent fights on the field. No clock for this one.

CRIME: The coach says the stats are improving, so why do we feel like we’re losing? Could this be the ultimate political football?

CITY HALL: Just coming out of halftime after two scoreless quarters. Lots of potential for a fiery second half with strong defensive plays. The question is: Who’s got the ball? And how many quarterbacks can one team have?

D1SD: Are all the players looking at the same goal line? The coaches have made some good calls, but the clock is winding down and it’s third down and long yardage. An anxious fan responds on page 50.

DART: It’s late in the fourth quarter, most of the starting lineup has been thrown out of the game and everyone wants to be coach, You don’t want to know the score.

THE JJs AND THEIR COWBOYS: Early in the second quarter, with a 10-point lead, but anything’s possible with these guys. Hard one to call, but for the inside story on their quarterback, see page 46.

UT SOUTHWESTERN MEDICAL SCHOOL: This team may be the best-kept secret in the league. Could it be part of the artillery that downtown needs for any kind of comeback?

INNER-CITY NEIGHBOR-HOODS: The values are plummeting, and they’ll do poorly in the next draft. Slap some tough penalties on the absentee owners for their burned-out and boarded-up eyesores. Nobody wants to play there.

TEXAS RANGERS (the blimp casts a wide eye): They’ll finish the game, but don’t look for them in overtime.

COTTON BOWL PARADE: A 9 a.m. start on New Year’s Day-no wonder it got yanked off the field. They need to steal a beat from some other urban leagues. Do it. cheap with funk, flavor and humor-and the curb-sitters and CNN will come.

DALLAS MAVERICKS: First down, first quarter, and already they’re behind. Who are their fans? Who are their players?

DALLAS COUNTY COMMUNITY COLLEGE DISTRICT: The other best-kept secret in the league. Costs less, tastes better?

DOWNTOWN DALLAS: It’s the best of halftimes and the worst. The fans in the end zones seem to be having a grand time-How about that bungee jumping in the West End!-but what about all those empty seats on the 50-yard line?

ROSS PEROT: Couldn’t even make it to halftime; boy, what disappointed fans. For more from our resident expert commentators see Chris Tucker page 19, and Jim Schutze, page 60.

SUMMER IN THE CITY. 1992: The toughest game of the year is over, and, hey, there’s still water in the cooler.

Well, guvs, it’s been great. As you noticed, we’ve got a morale problem and too many armchair quarterbacks. Give us a call if you’ve got any advice. Until next season…


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