CRITTERS Critics of capitalism might disagree, but RAMBO is the only pig living on Strait Lane. Not that this porker with the prestigious address is just any pig. The pride and joy of SAMANTHA (call her Sam) KASNETZ is of the trendy variety-a Vietnamese miniature potbellied pig-and costs $1,500. He is insured by Lloyd’s of London. He rides to the vet in a black-and-tan convertible Corvette. His favorite snack is bran muffins made with NutraSweet by Kasnetz housekeeper DANA CURTIS (“It keeps him regular!” snorts Sam).

It was one year ago this month that Sam, 24, a second-year law student at Dallas/Fort Worth Law School, brought the tar-black piglet to the two-acre spread she shares with her father, dr. HERBERT r. KASNETZ, five pugs, an English bulldog, and four cats. Then about the size of a football, Rambo now weighs in at 90 pounds, with maybe 50 pounds of growing room. His snout and eyes are black; his 4-inch-long tail is straight and black as a charred pork sausage, if he’ll forgive the comparison. Rambo, who’s mostly paper-trained, lives in the Kasnetz study; night light nearby, he sleeps with his own pillow and blanket (“Pig in a blanket!” squeals Sam).

Life’s been good to Rambo, whose only source of stress is the highly polished hardwood floors he must traverse on his way outdoors. The floors afford no traction for his cloven hooves-a real problem on this day. when five playful pugs turn a corner in hot pursuit. Rambo breaks for the open door, slipping and sliding, his legs out of control.

Outside, his feet on more forgiving terrain, Rambo happily roots around for a snack while the pugs scout the grounds. “Oooh, fat man! Little man!” Sam growls, playfully rubbing Rambo’s stomach, which droops ticklishly close to the grass. Rambo promptly falls over and lies on his side in hog ecstasy, unaware of the ironies of a pig living the good life on Strait Lane. Sam pats Rambo’s perfectly round would-be hams and laughs when he snorts dreamily. “Isn’t he something?”

Sam always wanted a pig, she says. And Sam almost always gets what she wants.

Rambo, too.


Keep me up to date on the latest happenings and all that D Magazine has to offer.