D THE NIGHTLIFE GUIDE

JOINTS. DIVES. PUBS. BARS. G TAVERNS



When It conies to establishments in this category, a different reviewing rule appliest to the extent that a place is fust real, real, real, real popular, then to that extent so shall it bo panned. Why? Because people who are looking for pubs and taverns have already been to the parties, and are now in search of someplace quiet. They would like to actually hear their conversations. So, if it seems like we went out of our way to nuke some of these places, it is because they are just real, real, real, real popular.



THE MUCKY DUCK Please. Maybe in times to come the Mucky Duck will become a little less mucky and a bit more ducky. Right now, it’s kinda yucky-one of the more recent victims of Dallas’s irritating Frankenbar syndrome: somebody has a great idea for a joint and then all the little trendsuckers come piling in by the BMW-load to masticate every last bit of The Latest, and what could have been a pleasurable experience becomes a mob scene and, alas, another monster has been created. The Mucky Duck was supposed to have been an English pub. And maybe someday it will be. 3102 Welborn. 522-7200.



LOUIE’S Much has been written about Louie’s since it opened three years ago, and much of it concerns how it is a hangout for media types. However, these articles never explain why that is important. It is not that anybody thinks you would actually want to hang out with these people. It is to admonish you with wisdom similar to “Always eat where the truckers eat.” Media types are generally world-class (and coach-class and déclassé) pub crawlers, making them experts in swill and the best circumstances under which to imbibe it. In Dallas, Louie’s is the foremost provider of same. The Canelakes brothers have positioned their tavern as the joint of choice for not only confabs of journalists, but also for lawyers, judges, politicians, playwrights, advertising people, PR flacks, and other low, thirsty trash. Expect the quips to be pithy-and pointed. If the guests won’t do it, the owners will. 1839 N. Henderson. 826-0505.



DICK’S LAST RESORT Of all the joints crowding the overwrought West End, this may just be the pick of the litter. The waiters and bartenders are encouraged to be bizarre, and therefore much wacko zani-ness can ensue. This joint was named after the original owner, Dick Chase, who made a tidy profit marketing and selling his own grump-iness-as evidenced in the bar’s motto, “You Can’s Kill a Man Born to Hang.” Chase got into a very nasty and serious dispute with his co-owners, who ran him off but kept the name, his comedy, and his concept; it’s kind of like having an indentured and unwilling ghost working for you. But fun is still fun and can be had here. Corner of Record and Ross. 747-0001.



OUTBACK PUB About this time last year, it seemed like the voiceover in every other radio commercial was by some guy trying to sound Australian, mate, and it drove many to the brink of madness. If you were among them, the Outback is not for you. It’s got Australia down pat. And, when there’s a loud band here, it’s a loud band, mate. Your appreciation of the place will likely depend upon proximity to the age of thirty-five. 1701 N. Market. 761-9355.



JOE MILLER’S Joe’s been dead and his widow Linda has been running the place for nigh on five years, and still his memory brings a tear to many already watery eyes. Joe was, in retrospect, a walking contradiction: he magically made a legion of devoted friends by being one of the most irascible and sarcastic curmudgeons in town, and though he kept his establishment dark and preternaturally dreary, it was yet the scene of some of this city’s cheeriest, craziest, and most legendary blowouts. If you find yourself in the presence of “lifer” drinking veterans, you are probably already in Joe Miller’s. And if not, then go there to pay your respects, for it is an important shrine. 3531 McKinney. 521-2261.



STAN’S BLUE NOTE This little joint’s main claim to fame is a strange sort of upscale scuzz, kind of what a yuppie with a sense of humor and a closet pack-rat fetish would put together for a rec room. Among many other items in the catchall decorating scheme, for instance, is local writer Bill Sanderson’s inflatable girlfriend, who was hanged upside down from a pair of water skis on the ceiling after it became apparent she and he were not meant to be. With shuffleboard and pool table, this is a great spot Tor a quiet weekend afternoon, but on Friday and Saturday nights Stan’s fills up by about 8 p.m. Tip: if you are shooting shuffleboard to the east, the board hooks north. 2908 Greenville Ave. 824-9653.



CLUB SCHMITZ This place may be proof that Earth was once visited by a much more advanced civilization capable of teleportation on a grand scale: they beamed this sucker up from somewhere like Elgin or Taylor, where it drew pickup trucks from a hundred miles around, and then they beamed it right back down again, only on the backside of Bachman Lake. And as part of the process, ol’ Scotty seems to have stopped the clocks smack on about half-past 1959; the worn Formica tabletops can be carbon-dated back to the Pre-Fabian Epoch. How downhome and easygoing is this joint? While Ma and Pa scoot their boots and suck down those $1.25 longnecks, their three-year-old kids may be sleeping peacefully in the red vinyl booths. The only thing keeping Club Schmitz from true roadhouse perfection is the lack of a trailer hitch so you could drag it home and park it next to your doublewide where it belongs. 9661 Denton Dr. 902-7990.



STONELEIGH P The Stoneleigh P, across from the quietly grand and dignified Stoneleigh Hotel, is something of an institution. It was once the site of the Stoneleigh Pharmacy. The pharmacy burned and the only thing left visible on the sign was the big P, hence the name and the old-time pharmacy decor of the building that took its Place. The result is a nice little neighborhood bar with great burgers, good juke, and reasonably friendly help-but the best thing about it is the magazine rack from which patrons may select a periodical and be perceived as capable of reading it. This is so you won’t have to meet the gaze of anyone you don’t want to-and will look very intellectual to anyone you do. 2926 Maple. 871-2346.



WHITE ROCK YACHT CLUB One is very tempted to unleash full Nuclear Tavern Critic Fury against a place that strives to be so damn darling. With the sawdust on the floor, the aquariums, the samplers of sailorly sayings, and all the other nautical thingies in such painful evidence, one gets the feeling that he’s somehow stumhled into a booze-vending Long John Silver’s. Getting them off this hook are the sal ted-in-the-shell peanuts, pool tables, a shuffleboard, and one of the better al fresco watering spots around, out on the balcony three stories above traffic overlooking-kinda-the back side of While Rock Lake. 7324 Gaston, Suite 301. 328-3866.



KNOX STREET PUB The best thing about this great little neighborhood pub is that you can wander in by yourself, with maybe a book or a newspaper, have a couple of beers, hang out for a couple of hours, and be reasonably sure that no one is going to bug you the entire time you’re there. This may not seem like such a big deal, but think about it. There are fewer and fewer places these days where you can go alone and stay that way. Or go alone and not be stared at. Or pointed at. Of course, you can always take someone with you, but to me the true mark of a true pub is that you don’t feet stupid going solo. 3230 Knox St. 526-9476.



MIMI’S Upon visiting Mimi’s, my female companion looked around and said, “Gosh, I wish I were fifteen years younger.” That makes two of us. Along about 1975 I would’ve traded my ’68 Mercury in a heartbeat for a shot at the case of testosterone-induced insanity I could’ve contracted here. We are talking some serious upward nubility, like barely post-SMU types with big hair and everything. But there’s no going back. Folks of an age to appreciate the quieter environs promised by the word “pub” will be disappointed by Mimi’s, on weekends, at least, when the place is doing land-office business. 5111 Greenville Ave. 368-1994.



ADAIR’S Here is what you do when you go to Adair’s. You take your napkin-the cheap paper kind that comes out of the metal BevNap dispenser. Then you pour a little bit of your beer on the Formica tabletop. Then you wad up your napkin and place it in the puddle of beer, allowing it time to soften in its little Budweiser bath. Then you remove it, knead it to the consistency’ of papier-máché, and hurl it at the ceiling. It may or may not stick; if it doesn’t, repeat the above procedure. That’s the kind of place Adair’s is. It’s hard to take yourself too seriously in a joint where you know that, at any moment, an errant spitball may peel itself off the ceiling and come reeling down to land on your head. 2624 Commerce. 939-9900



GREENVILLE BAR & GRILL Simply “the GBG” to Hipsters in the Know. It claims to be “Dal-las’s Oldest Bar and Grille,” which is a difficult claim to prove. Suffice it to say that it’s been around longer than anyone we know can remember. In recent years this tradition-laden establishment has had to fight harder for its share of the shrinking Pub Crawler Dollar and thus has added some things that might reduce its appeal to the more sedentary visitor-like insufferably loud and bad rock music at times. But never mind. Happy hours here are still just that. 2821 Greenville Ave. 823-6691. Cover varies from $3 to $5, Fridays and Saturdays only.



THE WORLD FAMOUS INWOOD TAVERN Well, no, it isn’t. Not yet. But it is attaining some well-deserved local renown. If-and it’s a pretty big if-you like singalongs. Nobody actually says you have to sing along, but when everybody else is, you definitely have to listen. And we’re not talking Vienna Boys Choir here. They give you a songbook, in case you don’t remember the words to the theme from “Gilligan’s Island” or you no longer remember how to spell G-L-O-RA while Phillip Looney, tunester and head songmeister, sits before the mike proving again and again that there’s no reason to be embarrassed about your singing voice in front of him. It’s a really young, friendly, and easygoing crowd. Not exactly the kind of people you expect to find howling the words to “Riders on the Storm.” 7777 Inwood. 353-2666.



MlLO BUTTERFINGER’S From the outside, this place looks like a tiny hole-in-the-wall, but don’t be deceived. Inside there’s plenty of room for you, your buds, and the one million SMU coeds who call this bar home. And, for all you movie trivia buffs, Milo’s was the site of most of the bar scenes shot for Born on the Fourth of July. Outtakes of the movie and the actual script arc now hung on the wall, so you can wander over for a look-see while you wait for your burger and beer. 5645 Yale Blvd. 368-9212.



TIPPERARY INN Good news in Publand: we may have finally gotten an honest-to-God uncrowded Irish one. With a real Irish owner, Martin R. Lombard. And Irish bartenders. And Irish patrons. Tipperary opened in late February and still remains a bit on the undiscovered side. Furthermore, it is in a notoriously jinxed location- remember Beaujays, the place with the portraits of the owner’s dogs all around? Which before that was the.. .and before that, the, uh, well, that’s where it is, so there’s every reason to believe it will not become Real Popular, but maybe just popular enough. 2818 Greenville Ave. 823-7167. -Brad Bailev.



BOHEMIAN



So what exactly do wo mean by Bohemian? Well, It’s sort of an all-encompassing, general purpose term that we pull out to describe bars and clubs that have an eclectic, unusual, and different kind of ambience. These places typically draw an eclectic, unusual, and different kind of crowd, attracted by the eclectic, unusual, and different kinds of music, dance, art, entertainment, and people who can be found at all self-respecting Bohemian establishments. Get it?



ART BAR Sure, lots of bars around town hang art on their walls. But the only bar we know of whose only reason for existence is art is the Art Bar. The art is hung, interestingly enough, up high on the walls-so high, in fact, that in order to see it you have to step back and tilt your head. Maybe they do that so looking at the art won’t compete with looking at the people who come to look at the art. Which is, of course, one of the reasons for going in the first place. The Art Bar is one of the innest In places to go these days. And, to sort of guarantee their place in Indom, every Thursday night they do this celebrity bartender thing where they actually get interesting and famous local couple/duos to come in and do guest stints behind the bar. Mr. Rizzie, we like ours shaken, not stirred, with the olives chilled and on the side. 2803 Main. 939-0077.



CLUB CLEARVIEW Clearview is a Carlsbad Caverns meets Peter Max on acid kind of place. It’s also what Frank Zappa’s garage must look like. It’s this big ol’ warehouse space with lots of little subterranean rooms that are easy to get lost in if you’re not paying attention. And everywhere you look is some serious psychedelia-our favorite room is the one with the black light that lets you see all the lint on you and your friends. Then, of course, there is the music. In every room it sort of dominates, if you know what we mean. We’re talking live music, taped music, music all over the place. The crowd for the most part is young, but you will see an occasional Sixties time traveler here. 2806 Elm. 939-0006. Open till 4 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays. Cover varies.



STATE There are three kinds of people in the world: those who want to be cool, those who couldn’t care less about being cool, and those who just are cool. State is a bar for the folk in that latter category. The people who hang out here were born cool, or they came by it without much effort. They’re comfortable with their coolness. You might say they wear their black well. (They also do really interesting things with their hair.) And, in terms of basic bar attributes, this one ranks right up there with the best: the drinks are stout, the music good, and the lighting low. 3611 Parry. 821-9246.



VIDEO BAR The Video Bar is sort of a multi-media opportunity bar. You can either dance to the new, alternative music that fills the air, or watch the new, alternative videos that fill several big screens, or attempt to strike up a conversation with the new, alternative person sitting next to you at the bar. 2610 Elm St. 939-9113. $5 cover Friday and Saturday.



ZANZIBAR Zanzibar is one of those rare, perennially hip kinds of places. Maybe it’s the neighborhood, but its hipness isn’t pushy or razor-sharp like other bars that shall remain nameless. Zanzibar’s brand of hip is accessible and non-threatening. It’s a 4 small and intimate place with a very cheery owner who works the crowd, dispensing good food, good wine, and more than a little high drama. 2912 Greenville Ave. 828-2250.



THE LOUNGE AT THE INWOOD THEATER This is the kind of bar that should come with subtitles. It’s so Euro-you-know-what-o. It’s also sleek, and sexy, and the dress code is, well, bi-coastal. The Lounge opened in 1981 to catch moviegoers on their way into or out of the lnwood Theater. But it’s definitely found its own niche, with or without the spinoff traffic generated by the alternative flicks next door. One tip, however: never sit close to the wall with the little pool of water running its length. I have personally, with my own eyes, seen two unsuspecting (although tipsy) patrons fall (I swear) into the murky depths of this rather annoying aquatic design element. 5460 W. Lovers Ln. 350-7834.



CLUB DADA Dada’s kind of the daddy of live music houses in Deep Ellum. If you want to hear what’s really going on in the music scene in this town, then you should stick your head and your ears into this kinda-hip-kinda-happenin-kinda-now-kinda-wow little establishment. An evening here is a primer on the post-punk, neo-New-Wave school of music. 2720 Elm. 744-3232. Cover varies.



2826 This place leaves us a bit perplexed. Maybe it’s because of the crowd it attracts. You’ve got your basic fringe-dwellers and Deep Ellum artistes mixing it up with stockbrokers and banker types in Brooks Brothers suits, all listening to the really great progressive music spilling out all over the place. The inner-city juxtaposition is definitely interesting-and probably healthy if you really think about it. Who cares what you wear anyway? It’s how you wear it that counts. 2826 Elm. 741-2826. Open till 4 a.m. on Friday and Saturday. Cover $5 Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.



TREES Trees is a new club that is supposed to open May 4, way past our deadline, so we can only tell you what we’ve heard about it so far, which should not, of course, be confused with what it’s actually going to be like once it’s open. So, what we’ve heard so far is that yes, it will be cool. And yes, it will be in Deep Ellum. Plus they’ll have live music and after-hours dancing, and, in case You care, or you thought “wait a minute, this all sounds familiar,” Trees is modeled format-wise after CBGB in Nuevo Yorko. 2109 Elm. 748-5009. Late-night hours Thursday-Saturday. Cover varies.



PRIZM Yes, Prizm is primarily a dancing establishment, so of course you want to know why we didn’t include it under the heading of Dance. Well, if you’ve been you wouldn’t ask. This place is about as Bohemian (see definition) as they get. Which is probably why that paragon of the new, the unusual, and the odd-Detour magazine-holds its annual Queen of the Dallas Nightlife Pageant here. We certainly don’t want to argue with them, so let’s just move on. 2600 Main. 748-2600.

-Anne Warren



SPORTS BARS



We seek the perfect sports bar as we do perfect beauty and perfect love, undaunted by second-stringers and pretenders. Definitions are slip-pery, but it’s easy to say what a good sports bar is not: it’s not a place that happens to have a TV sot that happens to be tuned to a game, and maybe, when the band takes a break, they’ll turn it up a bit, but not enough to bother the flock off Price Waterhouse accountants who are loudly celebrating their bonuses. The motto of any good sports bar: there is a place for everything, but this isn’t it, so shut up and watch the game. Here’s the gamut we ran, from loathsome to lovable.



FAIRMONT HOTEL SPORTS BAR “No eat here,” said the Japanese bartender in the striped referee’s shirt. That was our introduction to this bad joke of a sports bar. Accenting the positive, though, there are three things to say in defense of this place: 1. If they ever want to change themes, it will only take about thirty minutes to strip down the framed posters of Magic Johnson, et al., pull the Olympic rings down from the ceiling, and turn the whole thing into an Irish bar or a Cajun bar or a D.A.R. bar. 2. If Baylor gets crowded, they can perform surgery in this appallingly sterile place. 3. A barroom brawl would be hard to arrange here; we camped for an hour on a Saturday night and had exactly two barmates the whole time. 1717 N. Akard. 720-2020.



THE SILVER BULLET This is a great summertime sports bar, with heavily tinted one-way windows functioning like a giant pair of sunglasses. The rush-hour traffic fades to nothing outside as you and your comrades quaff cold ones-the pitchers, by the way, will save you lots of cash-and dissect the latest in the world of sports. Linger on, and you’ll witness some crackerjack darts and shuffleboard action. The place is a wee bit cliquish, but not offputtingly so. If you’re hungry, one of the mastodon burgers here will hold you a day or so; the Bullet is owned by the folks who run the Points (Addison, Lovers, etc.), so the menu is reliable and the burgers are tops. 8330 Abrams Rd., Suite 112. 340-7282.



DAVE& BUSTER’S If Humperdink’s is a sports watcher’s bar, Dave & Buster’s is a sports doer’s bar. This sprawling pleasure barn has the requisite overhead TVs, sure, but concentration is scattered by the cheek-to-cheek crowd, the leather-clad huntresses, the packs of tots spilling out of the giant arcade. D&B is famed for its voluminous menu with everything from fried offerings to the upper end of the middle-class palate pleasers. There’s also a nice selection of international brewskis. Now if they’d just turn the game up… 8021 Walnut Hill Lane. 361-5553.



LOCKERS Don’t be daunted by the drab, don’t-come-hither exterior of this sports bar, or by the fact that it has no windows despite its street-corner location. Once inside, you’ll find two huge screens in opposite corners, perfectly positioned for watching the game of the day or night. The food, served in odd plastic baskets, won’t make Tommy Lasorda regret his diet, but the beers are icy and reasonably priced. This place gets a lot of the pump-and-flex crowd from the huge President’s Health Club down the way, so think twice if you’re invited to arm wrestle. 6500 Skillman. 343-4570.



HUMPERDINK’S Now we’re getting sporty. Big, cold glasses of brew, two happy hours, pool tables, a Godzilla of a TV covering most of a wall, and smaller, satellite sets orbiting the bar. The walls are festooned with macho legwarmer-and-bikini art, and-now this is a relic-a big poster of Randy, Too Tall, and the other members of the Doomsday Defense in their salad days. Hump’s also has SilentRadio, a thing like a stock ticker that’s constantly bringing scores and updates and salary disputes from all over the world of sports, so you’re never out of touch. On one visit this spring, the big screen was smoking with the Coppin State-North Carolina A&T action, and the crowd was actually into it. (We had no idea where Coppin State was, but they won, and we didn’t want to spoil the mood by asking.) This is one of the city’s best places to watch the NBA playoffs and the World Series. 6050 Greenville Ave. 368-6597.



CHRIS’S SPORTS CLUB The location (first floor of Glen Lakes Tower, right beside the octoplex) is unorthodox, but this is The Real Thing. You can’t not enjoy sports here, with six televisions, three of them whoppers, and the savvy crowd getting into the act. There are no frills here, except for an awesome collection of sports photography: if you’d like to see Brad Davis, withlong hair and scraggly goatee, drive the laneone more time, this is the spot. You’ll also likeChris himself; when we joked about seeingCoppin State the night before, damned if hedidn’t reach behind the bar, pick up a referencebook the size of a phone directory, and revealthat the school is in Baltimore. “I shouldaknown that.” he said. 9400 Central Expwy. 691-8819. -Chris Tucker



COUNTRY G WESTERN



Yes, Dallas was country before country was cool and before anyone in New Jersey had ever even heard of Willie, Waylon, and the boys. When we talk Country & Western we’re talking national pride. Texas pride, that is. It exists, and it is us. Enough said.



BORROWED MONEY For a couple of reasons, this place rarely attracts the real cowboy type. First, to the typical two-stepper the name hardly implies that this is a C&W hangout. And, once you’re inside, the music and dancing definitely play second fiddle to the pool tables located just to the right of the dance floor. But in true good ol’ boy fashion, Borrowed Money is a friendly enough place and the beers are nice and cold. 9100 N. Central Expwy. at Park Lane. 361-9996. Cover charge $3.



COWBOYS Cowboys has come a long way from its humble beginnings as a Winn-Dixie. Folks at this former grocery store cum Western warehouse really work hard to win you over. That’s probably because the location is what you might call a bit off-the-beaten-path, but who cares? The drinks are strong, the long-necks icy; and the talent pretty entertaining. 7331 Gaston. 321-0115. Cover charge $5.



LONGHORN BALLROOM If you think the Longhorn has seen better days, you’re probably right. But who needs fancy? This sprawling show place is just fine for a night out among real cowboys all decked out in big shiny belt buckles, well-worn boots, and fancy old cowboy hats. You won’t see no designer duds walking through them doors. 216 Corinth at Industrial. 421-0744. Cover varies.



BAR NONE Low-key and friendly, this is the quintessential neighborhood bar. But forget laid-back on the weekends when the place really starts to jump, thanks to a live band with a highly talented steel guitarist. And while they have a pretty small dance floor here, the Bar-Nonians won’t hesitate to make room for you. 2900 Walnut Hill Lane. 351-9492.



TOP RAIL Old-timers have been toe-tappin’ at the Top Rail for more than fifty years. This is the place where you’ll see all those fancy C&W dancers doing their thing. The bands they book really keep things moving, but the mingling seems to be just as important as the dancing. 2110 W. Northwest Hwy. 556-9099. Cover charge $4.



ROADHOUSE SALOON We hope these guys plan to stay around awhile. This funky little alcove, located in the heart of Dallas Alley, is a Western oasis, with wagon wheels, wood floors, and first-rate bands. The dance floor isn’t nearly as big as it should be, but the Roadhouse is still the closest thing to comforl you’ll find in the West End. West End Marketplace, Market at Munger. 988-WEST.

-Lucie Nelka



JAZZ G BLUES



So, it’s like dark. Outside. And so are you. Outside, dressed in black and looking hip. Hot. Real. . .cool? Yeah. That too. Looking cool. Maybe it’s just that beret. Maybe not. Where to go? We know. Read on.



FROGGY BOTTOMS Froggy Bottoms at Dallas Alley is a tribute to the Seventies and the kind of joints that lined Lemmon Avenue and Oak Lawn back then. They were blues-rock clubs with a sense of real or imagined danger, which Froggy Bottoms, alas, can’t claim. But the latter has the same age group: working-class dancers, drinkers, and hanger-outers in their twenties who dig the Stones. Live bands play over a decent sound system every night. West End Marketplace, Market at Munger. 988-0581. Cover varies from $3 to $5.



POOR DAVID’S PUB Holding down the 1900 block of Greenville along with Shakespeare Books, Poor David’s Pub is a Sixties holdover. David Card’s place is also a miracle of longevity with its soda fountain bar stools, wood rail, and consistent support of acts like Shake Russell and Steve Fromholz, reminding night people of Lower Greenville’s eternal verities. 1924 Greenville Ave. 821-9891. Cover varies.



STRICTLY TABU The nicest feature of this club/bar/restaurant is the mezzanine entrance with porch lights on the rail. Decor is compiled, improvised one might say, out of things like dark paneled wainscoting, tile floors, and metal institutional chairs at cafe tables. The crowd is improvised also, by musicians and low-key diners and listeners enjoying jazz or blues six nights a week. On stage, a lot of sitting in and jamming, with often serendipitous results. Food’s okay too. 4111 Lomo Alto, 528-5200. Cover varies.



D’JAZZ CLUB Across from the unevenly stocked bar at D’Jazz is a wall of glossy jazz visages, hung like trophies in lighted cabinets, and between them fits the appreciative crowd that occasionally inspires stellar jazz performances despite the inadequate sound system. The ambience is amiable and patrons are never close to being as square as the room is, tucked away in a shopping mall below Borrowed Money. 9100 N. Central Expwy., Suite 208. 361-4338. Cover $3 Fridays and Saturdays.



TERILLI’S Terilli’s is many things to many people. Calamari “Italchos” (Italian-style nachos), brick walls with art on them, white tablecloths, black and pastel, friendly service, Cinzano umbrellas, recessed lighting, and some form of jazz almost every night of the week. The crowd is yuppie casual, but not too much of either. Atmosphere: convivial to raucous. If ever a place felt so naturally bilocated from the West Village to Greenville, this is it. 2815 Greenville Ave. 827-3993.



RHYTHM ROOM The Rhythm Room is Deep Ellum meets SMU. This is the kind of club that the “Wayne’s World” guys on “Saturday Night Live” might open up. The night we went, the bartender was reading Wired and the band was playing “Happiness Is a Warm Gun.” With its disposable decor, confident mien (the owner calls his place “a serious dive”), and musical lineup of funk, reggae, blues, and anyone who’ll work cheap and draw a crowd, this is a “bar bar” with a personality. 5627 Dyer. 890-0944. Cover varies.



SCHOONERS This is a cozy neighborhood bar with ample, unpretentious texture that draws a thirtysomething crowd from the lower Skillman environs, folks who are into blues and bottled beer for less than $2 per. The sound system is pretty good and the blues bands are fairly serious, prompting one wag to propose a limit of “one beret per stage.” Zuzu Bollin doesn’t wear a beret, though, and he gets to sing whenever he wants. 1212 Skillman. 821-1934. Cover varies from $2 to $5.



LABARBRA’S LaBarbra’s Thunderbird Lounge is tucked into the back of a strip center on a crumbling side street, the perfect location for low-rent live music, which blues likes to think of itself as. Blues, rock, jazz, whatever you want to call it, they have something here every night but Sunday. 6750 Shady Brook. 363-4300. Cover varies from $3-$5.



THE GREEN PARROT At South Central and Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard is a little slice of jazz heaven: a Friday-Saturday after-hours joint where Dallas’s top beboppers, like Marchel Ivery, go to jam until dawn. The Green Parrot attracts the cognoscenti who mingle with the neighborhood crowd; it’s easy to tell who came for the jazz. Tip: park as close as you can. 1908 Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. 428-7574.



THE CELLAR RJ’s By The Lake is a discothat overshadows its music room, aptly namedThe Cellar. Plain, intimate, and de factosegregated, it is a convivial room for blues,R&B, and jazz, where mostly singles in jacketsand ties and dresses hang out between sortiesin the meat market upstairs. A tasseled redvelvet valance trims the patio doors, enhancing the feel of a blues den. Lou Cobo sings ina mostly supper club style during the week, butweekends are made for jazz lights like MarinaBurks and Claude Johnson. 3100 W. Northwest Hwy. 358-5854. Open Saturdays till 3 a.m.Cover varies. -Michael Fellecchia



HANGOUTS



First comes that golden period of newness when a hangout is acquiring its faithful followers. Then the masses who just wanna have fun hear about it and invade. Soon firmly planted regulars complain about | the crowds. Newcomers complain ’ about the exclusive atmosphere. The help complains regardless. And they all come back for more.



BEAU NASH The Euro-trash label still works here with a strong French contingent filling the tables. Guests in the hotel as well as some of the more international tenants in the Crescent office building bring a decided Continental flair to the bar. It’s probably best if you park your cowboy boots in the truck. These opulent marble floors deserve the pitter-pat of Gucci loafers. People here act richer than they really are. Hint: nice girls won’t be found alone at this bar after 10 p.m.-that woman in six-inch heels may take Master Card. Hotel Crescent Court, 2215 Cedar Springs. 871-3240.



THE PALM This is a very manly place where very manly men drink very manly drinks over large cuts of red meat while pretending to talk about politics. However, they’re probably talking about the manly man in the next booth who has brought his “niece” to dinner and the old days when they could afford to do that. Or they’re pointing out so-and-so who wants his caricature redone since he finished Baylor Fast. If you’re new to the Palm and you see someone familiar, just look to the cartooned walls for the politico whose name has slipped your mind. 701 Ross at Market. 698-0470.



SAM’S CAFE Sans Mariel, this place still has panache. Southwestern may be out, but it continues to work here to create a bright, warm ambience. The crowd at Sam’s is not as hot-to-trnt as it used to be. Now mostly established, professional, “in-town” Oak Lawn and Highland Park types stop in for a drink on their way elsewhere. You can actually get a table in the bar with little wait or trouble on a Thursday night. People-watching wine drinkers are plentiful here, though the by-the-glass choices are not. 100 Crescent Court, Suite 140. 855-2233.



SFUZZI Black remains the color of choice here, whether we’re talking attire, car, or humor. The revelers around the bar at Sfuzzi are on the artsy side and younger than the crowd at Sam’s, though there’s significant hopping between the two bars. But since San Simeon closed, the Tri-chic Trek of McKinney Avenue, from Sam’s to Sfuzzi to San Simeon, is no more. Most of the folks drinking frozen cocktails here are wannabes who couldn’t get in the door in the club’s heyday. 2504 McKinney Ave. 871-2606.



8.0 It’s hard to describe most of the clientele in this cool joint without using the Y-word, but we’ll try. They pack in on Thursday nights, guys in suits looking like the hungry characters in Wall Street mixing with women straight from music-video-land. The mini is alive and well and dancing in place at the 8.0. Tunes blare from the jukebox and bounce off the muraled walls; shooters are the cocktail du jour. “Having fun” is an important five-year goal with this crowd. 2800 Routh St. 979-0880.



THE LION’S DEN Dark and fairly quiet as a good drinking bar should be. Frequenters are not here to see or be seen, but to talk or just sit and wind down from the bidness day. Among the quiet crowd you’ll find a few lawyers, some real estate guys, fortyish divorced men who live in the hotel and nearby apartments, and an interesting array of media folks who are tired of Louie’s. They recognize each other as regulars for sure, but they don’t usually gang about the bar. Service is friendly, but not overly so. Stoneleigh Hotel, 2927 Maple. 871-7111,

-Sally Giddens PIAND BARS



If the piano doesn’t give it away, you can usually tell you ’re in one of these by the comfortable chairs, the hushed, sort of civilized atmosphere, and the incredibly relaxed bodies sitting all around you.



THE LIBRARY AT THE MELROSE HOTEL This nobly appointed room leads a double life-as a high-spirited hangout for Park Cities truants, and as the tryst ing place of choice for quiet-seeking lovers of traditional comfort. Leather, dark woodwork, deep carpeting, and willing service set the scene for both factions; the spellbinding voice and keyboard sorcery of W.T. Greer have woven them together seamlessly for long enough to make you wonder if the place could survive without him. There may be a better place to begin or end an evening in Dallas, but we haven’t found it. 3015 Oak Lann. 521-5151.



ADOLPHUS LOBBY BAR So this is what sybaritic means-plush sofa and chair groupings cunningly placed for intimacy; great, sturdy drinks delivered swiftly; flowers underfoot, woven into the baroque Old World carpet, and in the air, erupting from lavish fresh arrangements. Also in the air, fine jazz, emanating from the antique Steinway grand: sit close, and the music becomes the conversation; take a distant seat, and the sound becomes perfect cover for romance or cordial business talk. 1321 Commerce. 742-8200.



LOBBY BAR Here lies a conversation pit gone suave, a cozy, sunken refuge under soaring atrium skies. Fountain waters murmur around a graceful shaft of sculptured glass; Tchaikovsky ripples from the grand piano in one corner. Deep, comfy chairs complete the illusion of worlds-apart calm in the hotel lobby’s busy heart. Drinks are generous, service prompt without pressure, and the ambience as companionably relaxed as the attire of the stress-shedding guests, which runs from very casual to cocktail-smart. Loews Anatole Hotel, 2201 Stemmons Frwy. 748-1200.



GERSHWIN’S More social center than discreet retreat, this North Greenville haven for the hungry and thirsty has been a meeting ground for singles of all ages since it opened in 1985. It’s hard to find a quiet corner here after working hours, but surround-sound can furnish its own kind of privacy, and the piano bar’s popularity keeps the convivial crowds eddying around its raised platform seven nights a week. 8442 Walnut Hill Lane. 373-7171.



LES SAISONS The charm of this longtime inner-city rendezvous endures indestructibly- where else can you lounge on a brick-floored, country French garden terrace, sip sophisticated libations, and soothe your troubled soul with the urbane note-bending of pianist/song stylist Billy Cole? Service is silken, the decor is inspired stagecraft (tile-topped tables, vinehung ceiling, a wall mural touting therapeutic baths in French behind the piano), and the people-watching is terrific. 165 Turtle Creek Village. 528-1102.



CAFE LE JARDIN Infectious is the key word here-the clubby group of regulars that frequents the café’s up-front piano bar area cordially welcomes newcomers to its growing numbers. And while the same hands don’t always command the keyboard, the atmosphere is unfailingly permissive: those who yearn to sing along can and do, solo or ensemble, with sometimes fairly raucous results. 4900 McKinney Ave. 526-0570.



THE BALCONY CLUB Reachable via its own outside stairway or from inside the Lakewood Theater, this mellow jewel of a bar is as deliriously Deco as the theater itself. Jade-green walls glow in peach-shaded lamplight; a green awning shelters the handsome oak bar and chrome stools; booths and tables afford greater privacy for conversation and/or savoring G.T. Reed’s piano and vocal artistry. The bartender’s genial, drinks are smartly mixed and served, and a handful of daily-special by-the-glass wines completes a laid-back neighborhood-friendly mood. 1825 Abrams. 821-9084.

-Betty Cook



DANCE



Boy, lambada sure came and went. We think the biggest reason could be the silly clothes you had to wear to lambada in. Not to mention how silly you looked doing it. It was supposed to be sexy. Yeah. They said that about the bump, too. Anyway. Other than the lambada fiasco, dance is alive and well.



CADILLAC JACK’S Cadillac Jack’s is kind of a Tijuana Yacht Club for adults, You’ve still got all the beach kitsch, including huge day-glo martins and sharks, but there’s less dancin’ and more talkin’ and meetin’ goin’ on. There’s also a great happy hour buffet, original “beach drinks,” and “theme nights”-you know, Tuesday is Weird Beer Nite, Thursday is Swirls for Girls, etc. The only problem we have with Jack’s is the $12 membership you have to purchase to get through the door. But for those of you who live in dry areas and know the membership game, Cadillac Jack’s also accepts the “Unicard.” 5505 Belt Line Rd. 701-9892.

NETWERK Call it Brio, call it Max’s, call it whatever you like. This place has changed names more than Elizabeth Taylor. But, regardless of its new moniker, it’s still the same place it was when you last visited it, with loud Top Forties music, men on the prowl, and women outnumbered about five to one. We’ll wager that a woman has never had to pay for a drink here, in this or any other incarnation. 5500 Greenville Ave. 373-3373. Open till 4 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays. Cover varies.



MEMPHIS Memphis is a perennially hot dance club on the old dance scene, which is a rarity considering the whims and ever-changing tastes of the general partying public. Probably what keeps this place jumping is the live music-any night of the week you can expect to find great local bands like Emerald City, Buster Brown, Random Axis, or the Strato-blasters. The $5 cover charge-even on Monday-doesn’t seem to dissuade the crowds at all. 5000 Belt Line at Dallas Parkway. 386-9517. $5 cover charge.



METRONOME Located in the old Starck Club stomping grounds. Metronome proves once and for all that Starck is dead. No more long lines, no more fashion intimidation; this is a progressive dance club for the people. 703 McKinney. 720-1300. Open till 2:30 a.m. Wednesdays and Thursdays; till 4 or 5 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays. Cover varies.



STUDEBAKER’S Let us take you back to a time when the music was kinder and gentler and had a beat you could dance to. Let us take you to Studebaker’s. When you walk in the door here, you join throngs of happy campers all dancing to tunes from the Fifties and the Sixties. If you’re over thirty-five you’ll feel right at home here, because you’ll know all the words to all the songs. If you hang around late enough you may even catch a Seventies disco fave. Tip: this is not a hangout for shy, retiring, wallflower types. 8788 N. Central Expwy. 696-2475. Cover charge $3.



TUUANA YACHT CLUB The longevity of this place must be nearing record status in the club annals of Dallas. They’ve been in business more than a year and are still packed night after night. The theme is obvious: beach, surf, sand, you get the picture. There’s no cover, plenty of loud music, and-oh, yeah-lots of suits and tight dresses. 5111 Greenville Ave. 692-9855. Open till 3 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays.



VOODOO BAR The name says it all. It’s located beneath street level, under Bahama Bob’s, and it’s a dark, crowded, frenetic kind of place. There are live bands Tuesday through Saturday, and the crowds love them all. Plenty of sweating, dancing people (who’ll dance with anyone), strong rum drinks (try the Bahama Mama in the naked lady glass), and some serious out-of-control action. 302 N. Market. 655-2627. Cover varies from $3-$5.

XCESS The crowd is mostly Beau Nash and Sam’s expatriates-lots of leather and a few shiny suits. But here’s a word of warning: when you hit the dance floor, don’t look down if you’re prone to motion sickness, because under your feet is a huge TV screen showing music videos. And one more thing: the aquarium between the bathrooms is a ruse; it’s so the men can peek into the ladies’ room. In other words, this is not a club for the squeamish. 2912 McKinney. 754-0564. Open till 3 a.m. Fridays and Saturdays. Cover charge $5.

POPARAMA This successor to Etcetera andIn Cahoots bills itself as the place to enjoy “popculture,” whatever that is, which only goes toshow how squishily marshmallovian that termhas become. It’s the kind of place a computerwould spit out after digesting the plans for anyten randomly chosen dance clubs: biggishdance floor, drink specials, booming, gratingannouncers, and a buffet that’s surprisinglyskimpy given the average wait in line. If there’sany improvement over predecessors here, it’sthe liberalization of the dress code to allowjeans and more casual wear. 8796 N. Central Expwy. 890-7781. -Sherri Guiczynski,

Chris Tucker, Anne Warren



ROMANT



Some places simply reek of romance. Maybe it’s the musk, or the lighting, or the view, or all of the above. Whatever it is, it’s a feeling that strikes fear in the heart of a single person. These are places for couples. Or two people who are working on being a couple. Or two people who hadn’t planned on being a couple until they set foot in one of the following establishments. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

HARPERS AT THE HILTON INN One forgets between visits what a pretty place this is, with its sumptuous sofas, Icart-style art, and low lighting. However, the view is the great romantic element of this hotel-top room, with its glass wall overlooking downtown Dallas. The atmosphere’s gracious, the bartender adept, and the music’s live Thursdays through Saturdays, when a mostly older crowd dons silks and pearls to continue a dine-and-dance tradition as nostalgic as the decor. 5600 N. Central Ex-pwy. 823-9180.

LAURELS This elegant aerie spreads the whole of North Dallas like a jeweled cloak before the Beautiful People who fill it. Tables for two line the sweep of glass that curves nearest the bar; a harpist weaves romance into the serene ambience of this refuge from lower-level matters. The bartender is a consummate host in his own territory, and dress is as un-self-consciously upscale as the place itself. 12720 Merit Dr. 851-2021.

THE MANSION BAR If to woo is to wow, this prime game preserve for conspicuous consumers might be called romantic. Actually, though, any notion of serious romance in the haute hubbub of the hotel’s urbane lounge is largely mythical; it’s the Mansion mystique that draws celebrants here to dally, to drink, to dance on weekends to the city-smooth strains of standards rendered by the Tony Shepherd trio. Other nights, a pianist provides accompaniment for the evening action, which is apparently unceasing. Service is as perfect as it ever gets, drinks are exactly what they should be, and the people-watching is positively unsurpassed. 2821 Turtle Creek. 526-2121.

NANA GRILL Of all the rms w/a vu in town, this one, surprisingly, sets the most harmonious visual scene for romance. It’s not the glowing nude over the bar, God knows, or even the twenty-seventh-floor panorama outside that creates the ambience. Rather, it’s a feeling of subdued comfort created by green-marble tables set against rich burgundies, with velvet drapes softening the expanses of glass that wall the place. Music-a pianist on weeknights, a combo with vocalists on weekends-drifts from far enough away to be listenable but not obtrusive. Loews Anatole Hotel, 27th floor, 2201 Stemmons Frwy. 748-1200.



WINDOWS They do it with mirrors here-mirrored columns that throw back the viewfrom glass walls in a bewilderment of images.Little dazzles of laser-light dance across jungle-frond carpet, playing on dancers moving to thelive music Tuesday through Saturday. Thickglass tables sway from silver cables, the floor’sedge floats without touching the wall, blackcounters and cushioned stools on slim chromelegs confuse the eye. You might not want tocome here in any condition other than sober,but you’ll definitely want to come here. Plazaof the Americas, 650 N. Pearl at Bryan. 979-9000. $5 cover after 9 on Fridays and Saturdays. -Betty Cook

LATE- NIGHT EATERIES

After a night on !the town, realfood can sound |real good. Hereis a handful ofpieces that stayup late: DAN’SLAKEWOOD CAFE.2111 Abrams.24hours except Sun.GUADALAJARA. 4405 Ross. Sun.-Thur. till 3 a.m., Fri., Set. till 4. KIP’S BIG BOY. 6833 W.Northwest Hwy. Mon.-Thur. till 1 a.m, Fri., Sat. till 3, Sun. till midnight. FANG-TI CHINA. 6752 Shady Brook. Sun.-Thur.till 4, Fri., Sat. till 6. NEW BIG WONG. 2121 Greenville. Daily till 3 a.m. ROSCOE’S EASY WAY. 542O Lammon. 24 hours, except Mon.

FORT WORTH



Yes, there is more to Fort Worth than Billy Bob’s. To prove it, here are four other choices where you can find good music and an assorted array of interesting people to rub elbows with.



CARAVAN OF DREAMS

Caravan of Dreams is a jewel, with its retro WPA mural, incredibly dear, well-balanced sound system, and varied lineup of high-quality live music. Drinks are among the most expensive in town, but the atmosphere encourages sipping rather than” chugging, and no place else in North Texas offers such a consistent lineup of national jazz luminaries; 312 Houston. Metro (817) 429-4000. Cover charge varies



THE HOP Oddly enough, The Hop, which is only two blocks from TCU, has never attracted the college crowd; instead it has grown its own clientele over the years. With different bands every night of the week and excellent pizza, it remains a standby favorite. 2905 W. Berry (817) 923-7281. Cover charge varies



WHITE ELEPHANT SALOON

There are at least a half dozen other bars in the Fort Worth Stockyards besides the While Elephant, but none of the others has live music (C&W) seven nights a week. Contrary to hype, there’s nothing at all historic here, except that it’s the last place western swing piano-pounder Al Stricklin performed before he passed on. 106 E. Exchange, Fort Worth Stockyards. (817) 624-1887. Cover charge $3-$4 except for special events.



J&J BLUES BAR J&J is a hut off the beaten path, a little surly, a little uncomfortable, with bad sound and slightly overpriced drinks. But if you hit it on a good night, you’ll think you landed smack-dab in the middle of a Louisiana juke joint, complete with Cajun blues. 937 Woodward. (817) 870-2337. Cover charge varies. -Michael Pellecvhia

GOMEDY



Yeah, yeah, yeah. We’ve heard all the cliches. Laughter’S the best medicine. A good joke is worth its weight in gold, etc. But, face it, comedy can be tricky. Like, why go to a comedy club unless you’re sure the comedians are going to be funny? Welt, just like life, with comedy there are no guarantees. However, the following establishments seem to consistently make us laugh.



IMPROV The Improv is as close to Chicago’s Second City as Dallas will ever get. And, if you can stand the crowds, the smoke, and the steep cover price ($8-$10), you’ll enjoy your evening here: the headliner is almost always a scream. Corner Shopping Center, 9810 N. Central Expwy. 750-5868. Cover varies.



FUNNY BONE Funny Bone operates in about the same fashion as the Improv: two opening acts warm up the crowd before (he headliner steps on stage. And. the yucks and the gripes arc also about the same: the wall-to-wall crowd and the smoke are almost unbearable, but the comedians are usually funny. Arkansas Court Shopping Center, #253, Highway 260 and Arkansas, Arlington. (817) 265-2277. Cover varies



ALLEY CATS The singalong atmosphere here seems innocent enough until you listen to the lyrics (SMU coeds beware) and realize you are the show. Dueling pianists demand audience participation, and. trust us. it’s much easier to simply go along with the gag than to try to ignore them when it’s your turn in the spotlight. Dallas Alley, West; End Marketplace, Market at Manger



COMING SOON Igby’s. the popular LA. comedy club, is taking over the old Mistral space at the Loews Anatole. Doors open the end of June. -Lucie Nelka

GOFFEEROUSES



If you’re under thirty you no doubt think a coffeehouse is a Denny’s or an I-Hop. But you older folk know what we’re talking about. A coffeehouse is an icon of the Sixties, a funky little place where live music and lively conversation are more important than ambience, in fact are the ambience, and coffee the correct beverage of choice. You have to look for them, but here’s a start-a trio of places in Dallas that do qualify as the real thing.



UNCLE CALVIN’S Take a linoleum floor, cement block walis, a non-alcoholic, self-service menu of coffees, teas, juices, and desserts, and mix well with singer-songwriters every Friday night. Uncle Calvin’s features live performances from a variety of singing sages, including Sara Hickman. Lu Mitchell. Josh Alan, and Anne and Steve. Now. here’s the unusual part: this coffeehouse is in the fellowship hall of Northpark Presbyterian Church. 9009 N Central Expwy. 363-5457. Cover $3-$7.



PROPHET BAR The Prophet Bar isn’t in a church, it’s in Deep Ellum, but maybe it should trade addresses with Unele Calvin’s, Because it’s also not really a bar, since it doesn’t serve alcohol-it’s a Christian club. (1 know this sounds confusing, but it’s true.) More than a few years ago this ex-den of iniquity went through a spiritual transfornation. Now you can hear live ’Christian Rock” music on Friday and Saturday nights. 2713 Comment: 742-2615



DAVE’S ART PAWN SHOP

Dave’s is a very interesting place, serving an and an eclectic menu of live music to patrons along with their coffee. And no. they don’t serve alcohol here either. This is a place where you can actually hang out until the wee hours of the morning and still drive yourself home. 2544 Elm Street. 748-7111 -Anne Warren