TALES OF EDUCATIONAL UPLIFT
Good: The Lewisville school district began issuing a warranty with its high school diplomas. {But is it good after 30,000 hours of TV?)
Bad: A Dallas businessman offered to let Carter High students drive his BMW if they made good grades in school.
Worse: The DISD announced a large decrease in the failure rate, then learned that they’d done the math wrong. A second set of numbers was then released. They were also wrong. The retest is on Friday.
The pits: A Piano high school principal was charged with “official misconduct” after school district officials found one of the school’s IBM computers and other equipment at his house.
PROOF THAT GOOD COMES FROM ADVERSITY
Best: When Starplex drove the Shakespeare Festival out of Fair Park, the players hied themselves to a great new natural amphitheater in Samuell-Grand Park.
Next best: SMU, post-scandal and probation, revived an by going back to Ownby Stadium for its football games. It’s one of those deals where everybody wins. Sort of.
TALES FROM A MEANER, NASTIER CITY
Round One: Councilman Al Gonzalez slugged Domingo Garcia after Garcia called him a coward. Gonzales did not seek a second term; he retired hoping to be remembered as a “peacemaker.”
Round Two: John Wiley Price got into a shoving match with Justice of the Peace Charles Rose over Price’s demand that Rose take down some political signs.
Round Three: When motor-mouthed Morton Downey Jr. came to town to host an abortion “debate,” pro-choicer Anne McKinney showed up with Danny Noonan and bodybuilder “Jeep” Swenson to protect her.
We Give Up: The Vatican labeled TVs “Dallas” “subtle pornography.” Subtle?
JUDGE WITH A GRUDGE STORY
Bad: According to Austin police, Dallas Criminal Court Judge George Shepherd Jr. freaked out in an Austin electronics store. The judge, angered over an undelivered compact disc player, had to be subdued by three policemen.
Worst: After Judge Jack Hampton gave a relatively light sentence to a man who murdered two homosexual men, he implied to a reporter that the “queers” got what they deserved. The remarks gave Dallas yet another black eye.
URINE TROUBLE STORY
Bad: Councilman Jerry Bartos, after taking a much-publicized urine test, joked that his was so clean he could sell samples to other council members.
Worst: Al Lipscomb revealed that he had drunk, taken, “sneezed,” or otherwise ingested just about every just- say- no-no-no-no in the world. But that was a long time ago. Thanks anyway, Jerry.
The Wit And Wisdom Of Your Dallas Cowboys
Jerry Jones, on the hallowed Cowboy cheerleaders: “They’re the pick of the litter.”
Jones, after reconciling with the cheerleaders: “Do you think I’d be that stupid that I’d take that second bite of cheese?” Huh?
Jones, on NBC a day after the Walker trade, spoke of “an athlete of Walker’s statue” and said he believed Herschel “had a good taste in his mouth.”
Linebacker Steve DeOssie knew that Jimmy Johnson had some bad news for him: told that he was being traded to the New York Giants, he said. “Coach, what’s the bad news?”
Nate ’”The Kitchen” Newton, who has difficulty losing weight, says he even dreams about ham hocks. Big Nate ate himself out of an $80,000 bonus after he came to camp carrying too many pounds.
CAMPAIGN STUNT
Bad: Urged on by rival Marvin Crenshaw, Mayor Strauss’s maid accused her of failing to maintain enough insurance to cover an injury the woman suffered at Strauss’s home.
Good: Peter Lesser used “No. no Annette” as his campaign thenie, but voters did not find him the Lesser of two evils.
Best: Billy Jack Ludwig attempted to walk on water at City Hall fountain to show that politicians are not perfect.
Everson Walls on the reaction to Herschel Walker’s trade: “I was thinking Martin Luther King Jr. had been assassinated all over.”
Former NFL Commissioner Pete Rozelle on Landry’s firing: “This is like Lombardi’s death.”
Backup quarterback Babe Laufenberg on Jimmy Johnson: “If he wants me to run twenty-six miles through the hills, I’ll do it. If he asks me to carry the water bottles. I’ll do it. If he wants me to go to his barber and gel a haircut like his-well, you have to draw the line somewhere.”
Business News
Best: (lie) Fortune magazine named the Dallas/Fort Worth area the best place in America to do business. And Exxon is moving its corporate headquarters to Las Colinas. Could happy limes be here again?
Worst: Donald Trump announced a bid to take over American Airlines, then backed off because of a shaky financial market.
Member Of The Bar Story
Best: A Houston lawyer and local attorney Ike Vanden Eykel made a bet: the Houston colleague would give him a case of his favorite beer for each million he helped Josephine Cauble hold onto in her divorce suit with ex-husband Rex. Soon after the verdict, sixty cases of Molsen Golden were delivered to Vanden Eykel’s office.
Worst: Anheuser-Busch sued a Dallas company for doing iron-on cartoons of the Spuds McKcnzie dog. including one of a drunken Spuds face-down on the beach with tire tracks on his back. The little guys had to cease and desist.
Vote Of No Confidence
Bad: John C. Rogers ran for a seat on the DISD board-and won-even though all his children had attended private schools.
Really bad: A Texas Rangers game outdrew the city runoff elections for two City Council seats, 40,482 to 21,758.
Worst: A Dallas Times Herald Sound Off Poll asked readers whether the efforts of Dallas Together were likely to ease racial tensions in Dallas. A whopping 92 percent said nope, no chance, forget it. Have a nice day.
Transfer Of Power
Best: At Sonny Bryan’s Smokehouse, despite the absence of Sonny and his Mercedes, you’ll find that the meat still tastes great, the people-watching is still unparalleled, and the floors are still filled with dirty paper napkins.
Worst: The switch from Schramm/Landry to the JJs may bring a winner someday, but it was a comedy of errors and dumb judgment in the beginning.
EXAMPLE OF TEAM SPIRIT
Worst: A clerk at a Lovers Lane 7-Eleven was robbed by more than a dozen men early one Saturday morning. One man threw a bowl of chili at the clerk. An ugly rumor quickly circulated: was next year’s Carter High football team getting in a little early scrimmage?
SHAFT STORY
Most expensive: Shortly after the Mort opened, thirteen people were trapped in an elevator for more than an hour. At least they got to hear some nice Muzak.
Bad: Mark Aguirre flipped the obscene gesture to his coach, thus furnishing an unforgettable part of the Aguirre legacy.
Worst: A man working construction at Starplex was trapped for more than an hour in a sixty-eight-foot-deep shaft.
PLACE TO PLAY MINIATURE GOLE
Best, old-fashioned: Piedmont Miniature Golf (7035 Scyene Rd., 388-7129) has not changed one iota over the last thirty-two years. Nestled among towering shade trees, its two tricky eighteen-hole courses are covered with sawdust-no artificial turf here.
Best, New Wave: Golfun, 1201 Red Oak Road West in Red Oak, (214) 576-8134. Here you putt a ball bigger than a baseball and shoot for a nine-inch cup. With tennis courts and a spacious clubhouse complete with dining facilities, it’s definitely a Nineties kind of experience.
CRIMES OF THE DART
A costumed man calling himself “DART Vader” haunted neighborhood meetings, denouncing DART’s attempt to use the Sante Fe tracks.
David McCall, former head of DART, said that DART had been investigated more times than the SMU athletic department.
An anti-DART group bought an ad on DART buses that read, “DART speak with forked tongue.” Not surprisingly, the sign was quickly stolen.
DART spent $136,000 last year to announce several public meetings that either had been canceled or had occurred before the notices arrived.
A man who rammed the car of a DART field supervisor in an attempt to kill him said he was “the Lamb of God from the tribe of Judah.”
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
Krisda’s Lucas B&B Foley’s (downtown) Steve’s Ice Cream San Simeon The Comet Rizzoli’s Starck Club Moss/Chum ley Gallery M Bank
The Crescent Gallery Herschel Walker Braniff
“Doonesbury” in the Herald Cindy’s Delicatessen Greenville Avenue Country Club
PROOF THAT THERE’S ONE BORN AGAIN EVERY MINUTE
Good: A man began selling the “subliminal necktie.” Hidden in its fabric arc the words “Jesus saves.”
Best: Police needed two sets of culls to subdue a 375-pound man who said he was eating the apple of Adam and Eve.
HOLY HARASSMENT, BATMAN
Bad: Stephen Batman of Dallas was plagued by anonymous callers singing the theme from the old “Batman” TV show. By the way. Mr. Batman does have an assistant named Robin.
Worst: After he dumped some motor oil onto his property, a man named Arnold Gallo got a strange call from someone calling himself ’”Batman.” The next day, the Bogus Battler called again and told Gallo to look at his truck. It was covered with oil and the engine had been filled with water.
TIMING
Bad: Mayor Strauss originally set April 4 as Tom Landry Appreciation Day. unaware that it was both the anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr.’s death and the opening of baseball season. The day was changed.
Lucky: The vintage car Landry rode in during the parade was totaled later that day-but not while carrying America’s Coach.
MOVIE BASED ON A DALLAS EVENT
Best: The Thin Blue line, Errol Morris’s documentary on the plight of Randall Dale Adams, may not have been perfectly balanced. Still, it offered a telling portrayal of the Dallas criminal justice operation, Seventies-style, and helped win freedom for Adams.
Worst: Fire and Rain, a made-for-cable depiction of the Delta 191 crash, not only set an all -lime low for disaster films, it also served to demonstrate once again that Angie Dickinsons on-screen work should be limited to shower scenes.
CIVIC INSULT
Bad: After the Mavericks’ pathetic ’89 slide, which included the first Tarpley drug mess, injuries to Donaldson and Blackman, the stink over Aguirre, the Dantley holdout, and the team missing the playoffs, former coach John McLeod had this to say after the last game: “We did what we had to do.”
Worst: During February’s record ice storm, some cab drivers decided to put the squeeze on local patrons by charging as much as $70, in some cases, to go from D/FW airport into Dallas.
ARTISTIC DIRECTOR
Best: Rick Brettell, the director of the Dallas Museum of Art. is as smart as a whip, he improvises blockbuster exhibits on the spur of the moment, and Wendy Reves hates him.
Next best: Tom Adams. He sold a whole year of TITAS (The International Theatrical Arts Society) as the ’”Trust Me! Season.” How many arts administrators have such impeccable taste that an audience could be persuaded to take a chance on the sometimes unknown acts he was booking?
INEXPLICABLE MOVE
Bad: The “Peppermint Place” show was banned by a Florida television station for, among other sins, showing a statue of Buddha and featuring an extraterrestrial throwing a mysterious dust. Does the City Council know?
Worst: KRLD’s management team, apparently worried that the popular Alex Burton gave the station too much local identity, fired the outspoken commentator after nineteen years.
CONCERT
Best: At Park Central /Pepsi, Ringo Starr stayed within his modest abilities and gave generous limelight to costars like Joe Walsh, Billy Preston, and Clarence Clemons. No melancholy tributes to John Lennon, either. Add the lenient picnic policy, and this was a great show. Dallas needs this venue.
Worst: The Rolling Stones at the Cotton Bowl. Mick and the inflatable floozies were great, but the crowd control was like something out of the Black Hole of Calcutta. The traffic flow was so poorly managed that human gridlock resulted at several points, especially on the ramps going into the seating areas.
ETHNIC SMEAR
Cheesiest: At a celebration for Hispanic Heritage Week, revelers were invited to become “human nachos” and slide into a I large vat of cheese. Even tor a good cause, this seems like a sticky situation to be in. May we suggest jalapeno-shaped life jackets?
Worst: A Dallas Police Academy instructor cautioned a class of recruits to be extra careful when towing away cars owned by blacks, on the grounds that blacks care more about their cars than do other ethnic group.
ARTS ORGANIZATION ON A SHOESTRING BUDGET
Best: The Texas Baroque Ensemble turns out exemplary performances of 17th- and 18th-century music.
Next bast: Undcnnain Theatre gives the world’s strangest plays and some of the country’s strongest performances. Each production here seems to have two witches and three ghosts floating around, but it works.
TRIP BACK TO THE SIXTIES
Best: Whole Foods Market on Greenville. This is the place, now in its second location, that puts the organ in organic. They’ve got great vegetables, grains, oils, spices, and New Age nostrums, not to mention a super cafe and a bakery serving eight kinds of manna from heaven. Lots of people here still wear flowers in their hair. If they have any.
GAFFE
Bad: When the Dalai Lama won the Nobel Peace Prize, Channel 8’s Tracy Rowlett quipped: “I thought that was one of those gals that used to dance at the Busy Bee…”
Worst: The Morning News ran a moving, heartfelt column by John Anders on the Vietnam memorial. Only problem was, the later edition had Marilyn Schwartz’s picture on it.
REASON TO LOVE THAT GUV
Best: The Guv joined thousands of Texans by learning to laugh at himself at a “Lame Ducks Wear Plaid” roast. Rita Clements modeled some of the Guber’s ’ favorite visions in plaid while raconteurs including Jim Wright provided the yuks.
Worst: The Guv placidly munched his burger while curmudgeon Harvey Goff’s joint was robbed, then left without giving police a statement. So much for law ’n’ order.
BEST REASONS TO VOTE…
For Ann Richards: Jim Mattox
For Jim Mattox: Kent Hance
For Kent Hance: Clayton
Williams
For Clayton Williams: W. N.
Otwell
REASON TO PITCH A FIT
Strike One! Nolan Ryan and two other pitchers combined for eighteen strikeouts against Toronto, but the Rangers managed to lose.
Strrike Two!! Charlie Hough tossed a one-hitter and the Rangers got thirteen hits, but lost to Seattle. 2-0.
StrrrrrikkkeeThree! Ryan notched his 5,000th strikeout against Oakland, but lost 2-0 due to anemic Ranger hitting.
ARTS WORLD CAREER MOVE
Good: Adrian Hall’s firing. For all his talent, his vision of what the theater could be, and his connections, Hall never got into the nitty-gritty detail of running the Dallas Theater Center on a daily basis.
Good for another reason: Hall’s firing allowed interim head Ken Bryant to hire his former boss as a guest director of December’s A Christmas Carol. When Hall is free to concentrate on artistic matters. he is a great director.
PLACE TO CATCH A RIDE TO THE MAVERICKS GAME
Best: Forget the standard pregame activities of nibbling on cold nachos while downing a warm beer and head to Dakota’s, 600 North Akard. Once you’ve had a martini or two and snacked on their complimentary hors d’oeuvres, catch the shuttle that’ll take you straight to (and from) the doors of Reunion Arena, ail for free.
Gun Show
Best: The Dallas Arms Collectors run several shows a year at Market Hall. The best is usually in November, featuring everything from museum pieces to trap guns.
Worst: “See the Gun That Shot J.R.” screams the billboard on I-20. Thirty miles north, the Southfork “museum” features that prop among its memorabilia. Whoopee.
ARE YOU SELLING WITH ME, JESUS?
Best: El Chico and KV1L pushed their “Great Acapulco Getaway” with this line: “The last time anyone offered this many trips for two it rained for forty days.” As far as we know, nobody showed up with two elephants, two rhinos, two hummingbirds, etc.
Worst: Wonderland Carpet advertised a special with the purchase of three rooms of carpeting: a King James Version Bible as a free giveaway.
DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES
Odd: Melvin Eugene Hanson, who had been pronounced dead in California months before, was arrested at D/FW airport traveling under the name of “Wolfgang von Snowden.” Hanson/Snowden was carrying $14,000 in undeclared cash.
Weird: A Dallas family sued a local funeral home, alleging that the morticians put the wrong body in the casket. According to the family’s attorney, someone said, “That really didn’t look like Aunt Nina.”
INNOVATION
Best: TollTags, which allow drivers to zip through the toll booths and charge the fee to their account or a credit card, make driving the Tollway faster and more convenient than ever. And the timing is perfect-Central Expressway construction wilt drive more and more of us to spend fifty cents to get to work on time.
Worst: Complaining customers at the Garland Hypermart were outraged by a plan conceived to round up stray shopping carts that called for a twenty-five-cent fee to get a cart unlocked. To make it worse, some of the carts were French-made and only accepted francs! After three days, the system was junked.
NEW TICKET SERVICE
Best: TicketQuik, the faster-than-a-speeding-bullet ticket dispenser found at twenty-six 7-Elevens around town. Seats for the theater concerts, and sporting events are but a button’s push away. You can select the event, choose your seats, pay, and be on the road in four minutes. And the computer even makes change.
POWER PLAY
Best: If you’d like to sweat it out with some of the most powerful people in town, try the workout at The Exchange Athletic Club, 700 North Harwood (953-1144), where you’ll rub weighted elbows with the likes of Harlan Crow and Tom Dunning.
Worst: We know city manager Richard Knight is the most powerful person in city government, but does he have to rub it in? Criticized for the $11,000 raise that boosted his salary to $111,218, Knight said: “Do you reckon the folks that work for Lee Iacocca would [ask him to] reconsider his?”
PROOF THAT SPORTS BUILD CHARACTER
Bad: The Duncanville girls’ basketball team stomped Kimball, 110-12.
Worst: The Carter Cow boys-turned-robbers brought shame on the community.
POLICE STORIES
Bad: Two Dallas officers donned Pizza Hut uniforms in an ill-fated attempt to bust miscreants who refused to pay for an hour-late pizza. The officers were later disciplined.
Worse: Wearing gas masks and shields, Grapevine police raided a home suspected of housing an amphetamine lab. Inside they found the family planning a funeral. Wrong house.
Worst: An Arlington officer who killed three suspects in six months was fired after he was accused of cutting notches into his gun.
Weirdest: Two Frenchmen convinced local lawmen that they were high-level anti-terrorist specialists. After riding with cops and receiving honors from the Dallas Sheriffs Department, the two were revealed to be adventurous private detectives out for a leetle fun wiz zee Americains.
Strangest: Former Dallas police officer Rodney Clark, who was run out of town on a rail for testifying against a fellow officer who had been slain trying to break up a fight, was back in town last November, trying to get his old job back.
Sickest: An Irving group soliciting $50 contributions to buy bulletproof vests for officers was accused of running “a boiler room scam” by investigators.
Most painful: A twenty-five-year-old undercover cop posing as a W.T. White student took a paddling for being tardy, rather than stay after school and miss a drug buy.
PLACE TO FIND A PICK-UP BASKETBALL GAME
Best: Preston Hollow Park on the corner of Park Lane andThackery, one block west of Hillcrest, has one full-size court and two one-on-onc courts, and the action’s in full swing right after work and all day Saturday and Sunday. Newcomers are welcome.
REASON TO BURY YOUR TV SET
Best: The commercials featuring George Zimmer, president of Men’s Wearhouse, are as tacky as the threads.
Runner-up: The “Wah-wah-wah West-w-a-a-y Ford” jingle continues to drive us crazy.
AUTHORTIES
Best: The Indian Boy, a novel by Arlington fifth-grader Melinda Eldridge, was chosen from 14,000 entries nationwide for publication by Raintree Publishing Co.
Bad: Publishers Weekly slammed Please Don’t Kill Me…, by private eye Bill Dear and Carlton Stowers, as “an amateurish, sprawling, poorly written true-crime report” that fails because too much space was spent on Dear’s “vaunted private possessions
Worst: In announcing his latest book venture, SMU economist Ravi Batra admitted that “the experts” have ignored his warnings of a global depression in 1990 for the past decade. So Batra is turning to fiction “in order to bring about meaningful political and economic reform” in his country.
MIXED METAPHORS
Bad: Al Lipscomb, supporting the proposed Fair Park surcharge, said “Some people might be saying, ’Let’s keep a Band-Aid on that seething volcano instead of taking a scalpel to it.’
Painfully bad: Governor Clements, after his successful bid to remove pesticide regulation from Jim Hightower announced: “We have extracted a thorn in the side of everyone concerned from the Agriculture Commissioner and we have put it in the hands of experts.” Ouch.
DEPARTURE
Good: Mark Aguirre left-and good riddance.
Best: The Rangers, we hope, will soon depart Arlington fordowntown Dallas.
Worst: Buddy Bell and Jim Sundberg retired. It was time, hut nicer guys never wore a Rangers uniform.
LEANING TOWER STORY
Bad: John Tower’s nomination to be secretary of defense was rejected by the Senate amid charges of boozing and “broad” experience.
Worst: Tower later signed on to write his memoirs with the same ghostwriter who produced the sleazoid book by Roxanne Pulitzer and Playboy article by Rita (Capitol Steps) Jenrette.
TRAVEL AGENT
Best: Dana Ellis at All Your Travel (3319 Belt Line, 530-6800) is known for doing the impossible-cheap. “He got us a rent car in Europe that was at least $300 cheaper than what we had paid before,” gushed one fan. With six years in the business. Ellis seems to relish tough travel assignments. Getting one of his clients to Germany on a $400 budget was one he’ll never forget.
NEW TOURIST ATTRACTION
Best: Our very own Trolley District. We recommend catching one of the four McKinney Avenue cablecars (arriving every twenty minutes or so) at St. Paul and Ross, across the street from the Dallas Museum of Art. You’ll go north into the Oak Lawn area, past such local tourist attractions as The Crescent, Hard Rock Cafe, Sfuzzi, and on up. Hop off at Tejas Cafe, introduce your guests to a taco and a margarita, then catch it on the return, all for $1.
LITTLE-KNOWN LEMON PATROL
Best: Who better to handle your car woes man the Better Business Bureau? The BBB’s Auto Line is a free dispute resolution service available to owners of Acuras, Audis, Hondas, Nissans, Saabs. Volkswagens, and all General Motors cars. Acting as mediator between car owner and the manufacturer, the BBB last year handled 924 cases, 133 of which went on to arbitration. The Auto Line at 220-2040 is open 9 to 3 Monday through Friday.
POST-GREEN BUILDING ARCHITECTURAL ADORNMENT
Worst: The lightbulbs that set off the elevator shafts at City place-they turn what is by day one of the city’s most elegant structures into what looks like a cheap bordello at night.
SELF-EFFACING PHILANTHROPIST
Most: Ross Perot gave $10 million toward building the new symphony hall, then lay low during the dedication ceremonies, preferring to defer all credit to his friend Mort Meyerson.
Least: Wendy Reves is so devoted to preserving the look of her Riviera villa as part of the DMA that she wouldn’t allow the museum to move a single painting downstairs for the Impressionist exhibit, even when it would have meant that it could have been seen right next to another painted at the same place, on the same day.
PARKING IN THE WEST END
Best: You’ll find no better spot to leave your car than in the West End Parking Garage. Located at the corner of Munger and Lamar, the garage has six levels, all of which can be reached via elevator. It’s well-lit, has its own security guard, and it’s cheap-$3 for the whole night.
TALES FROM A KINDER, GENTLER CITY
Honesty: Bryan Crelly, a bartender at Tia’s restaurant, found and returned $10,000 lost by an armored car company.
Courtesy: State Fair workers, notorious for their surly barker style, were invited to a sort of charm school where consultants told them how to make nice with the rubes.
Cleanliness: The council passed a dress and hygiene code for taxi driver
Generosity: A bartender gave away almost $4,000 worth of liquor, bar fixtures, neon beer signs, etc., to customers in a two-hour binge. The bar’s owner arrived to find his lounge cleaned out and the bartender vanished.
Dignity: The Morning News started referring to men by Mr. and women by Ms., Miss, or Mrs. on second references. Thankfully, the paper made an exception for the sports pages-no “Mr. Blackman then arched a looperto Mr. Donaldson, who slammed it in over the confused Mr. Olajuwon
Self-respecf: A man stole firearms from a University Park home, then felt guilty and turned himself in to police.
MUSTANG LOSS
Best: SMU threw a scare into the powerful, Cotton Bowl-bound Arkansas Razorbacks before succumbing, 38-24.
Worst ever: Houston’s 95-21 savaging of SMU. An inexcusable display of bad sportsmanship. (On the other hand, who set this schedule, anyway?)
PERFORMANCE BY A MEMBER OF DA JOHN VANCE’S STAFF
Best: When chief prosecutor Norm Kinne discovered that his 280Z had been stolen from the driveway of an East Dallas residence, he and a friend initiated a search for the missing vehicle. When Kinne located the car in the parking lot of a fast-food restaurant, he simply called police and got it back.
Worst: Winfield Scott’s last-minute, out-of-control effort to keep Randall Dale Adams behind bars backfired abysmally. This rampage cost Scott his job, but not before he had made Vance’s office the object of ridicule in a national media sideshow.
BEST REASON TO WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR
Troy Aikman. He does not have an arm, he has a bazooka. He’s stronger than Staubach and faster than White, and when they get him some blockers and some speedy receivers, the Cowboys are going to be the team of the Nineties.Promise.
RADIO DAZE STORY
Bad: KSCS’s Terry Dorsey, making a call on the air one morning, was put on hold. He and his audience had to listen to KVIL coming over the air.
Worst: Rodney Wheeler, a manager at Sewell Cadillac, called in to KEGL’s Mo-Pho (mobile phone) contest and was persuaded by a deejay to pull over and shave his legs. KEGL broadcast the stunt live, with Wheeler mentioning his company’s name several times. He was fired that day for conduct unbecoming a Sewell manager.
ONE-TWO PUNCH
Worst: Réné Castilla and Eric Moyé as Herald columnists. It’s admirable to have voices of the community weigh in on the op-ed page. But why doesn’t someone edit these guys?
MOVIE DEVELOPMENT
Best: The new outsize multiplex theaters on Central Expressway between Park and Walnut Hill have screening rooms large enough to remind you of a real movie house from the Thirties or Forties. They are elegantly decorated, and they often book features nobody else will risk. Worst: But try to get a parking space at the new outsized multiplexes on a Saturday night. Believe us. you’d rather tangle with the Joker.
PROOF THAT THE METROPLEX HAS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN AMERICA
Best: Gretchen Polhemus of Fort Worth became the fifth Miss Texas-USA in a row to become Miss USA (and three of the five have been from Dallas or Tarranl counties).
Worst: How can there be a worst?
STREET IN DEEP ELLUM
Best: Elm Street. The clubs, restaurants, galleries, and shops have turned the best couple of blocks into something out of Italy or Mexic
Worst: Main Street. The unending street repairs have driven away the city’s two most innovative theaters. Undermain and the Deep Ellum Theatre Garage.
REASON TO KILL AN EAGLE
Best: Philadelphia’s Buddy Ryan put bounties on Luis Zendejas and Troy Aikman, then denied the clear evidence of the game films.
CAB DRIVER
Best: Alan Weinblatt of Taxi Dallas is the preferred driver of chairmen and presidents of companies all over Dallas. All you have to do is call him in his car-707-9180 or 960-9521-and he’ll pick you up at your house in his lime-green Lincoln Town Car and take you to the airport. Even better, if you give him your flight info, he’ll be waiting for you when you return.
SAFE AND SOUND STORY
Best: Money magazine named North Dallas Bank one of the 100 safest banks in the country.
KVIL STORY
Best: When a woman was trapped by high water in May’s flooding, she gave up on 911 and called KVIL instead. Ron Chapman dispatched the station’s helicopter pilot to save the stranded caller.
Also good: The “Arkansas Jones” series lampooning the Cowboys” owner was hilarious, and the voices were great
Worst: When an inventive listener started an “ears for hire” service, offering to listen for the names of contest winners, KVIL got a temporary restraining order and the man was forced to close shop. You must listen on your own if you want to win the contest, kiddies.
VALENTINE LINE
Bad: Bobby V. said that sportswriters should be fired if they have a bad year, just like managers-that is, just like other managers.
Good: When Valentine the TV commentator was accused of accusing an Oakland pitcher of cheating during the playoffs, he offered to resign as Rangers manager if the As could prove the charge. They couldn’t.
SPORTS SWITCH
Worst: On Monday. November 20, the Herald ran this frontpage headline: “Last-place Cowboys struggling to pay bills, too.” Two days later came this follow-up: “Cowboys finances among NFL’s best.” Love those quick turnarounds.
Long Night
Best: The longest we found was “Home Sports Entertainment Nolan Ryan Commemorative Poster Night.”
Worst: Ruben Sierra lost a ball in the lights and cost Ryan a no-hitter in the eighth inning.
STORY OF JUSTICE DELAYED
Worst: A court reporter from
Red Oak, a young mother, was jailed for civil contempt after failing to complete a transcript for a murder trial that ended in 1986. She stayed locked up until she finished the task. Before you start feeling sorry for her, consider that the defendant’s appeal had to be delayed until the reporter finished. And we wonder why the courts are so slow.
MOMENT IN DALLAS SPORTS HISTORY
Best: Who could forget the night Nolan Ryan got his 5.000th strikeout?
Worst (tie): How can we forget the Day Tom Landry Was Fired and the night we had to watch Mark Aguirre collect a championship ring?
FOOD&DRINK
RESTAURANT BARGAIN
Best: The lunch time buffet at the Taj Mahal Indian Restaurant, 1600 N. Piano Rd. in Richardson, is a multi-course marvel.
LITTLE-KNOWN ETHNIC BUFFET
Best: It’s never crowded at the lunchtime buffet at Mumtaz, 3101 N. Fitzhugh. It’s well worth the minor parking hassle.
TAMALES
Best: After spending the last thirty years making tamales, it’s no wonder that Ruth and Adolph Hauntz know just how to do it right. They serve up three kinds at Ruth’s Tamale House (5552 East Grand Ave): beef, chicken, and pork, just $3.99 for a dozen.
COBBLER
Best: The blackberry (or whatever they have that day) at Spatz, 2912 N. Henderson, is worth the calories.
NEW FLAVOR OF TORTILLA
Best: The oat bran at La Suprema Tortilleria, 7630 Military Parkway, is a healthy surprise.
BARBECUE
Best Barbecue Sandwich: If you want that wonderful smoky, tangy flavor that is the signature taste of great Texas barbecue, we say Dickey’s Barbecue, 4610 N. Central Expressway. And don’t overlook the excellent green beans.
Best Cheap Barbecue Sandwich: Doug’s Drive in. 7446 East Grand near the White Rock Lake spillway. Chopped beef sandwich is a buck. Sliced beef sandwich is $1.75. Great flavor, perfected over forty years, little fat.
Best Barbecue Ribs: North Main B-B-Q in Euless, where the proprietors have won the Richmond World Invitational Rib Cook off two years in a row, is barbecued rib heaven. (Hint: go to the end of the extremely long line, down to where the cookers are, and order it to go. It’ll save you hours.) 406B North Main, Euless. Lunch served Friday only, noon to 2, and dinner Saturday only, 7 to 9.
CARRYOUT LUNCH
Best: Cade’s Bowl of Beans. 2332 Good-Latinier. Traditional red beans, rice, and cornbread are the specialties, but the Cajun meatloaf deserves a four-star rating. Cade’s is about three minutes south of downtown.
RESTAURANT TREND
Best: Chaplin’s, the Buffalo Club, Malibu Cafe, the Quadrangle Grille. Spatz. Gershwin’s, and even the Mansion (if you go to The Promenade for lunch) offer excellent New American food at reasonable prices.
TEX-MEX APPETIZER
Best: Stuffed jalapenos at Primo’s, 3309 McKinney. Chicken, cheese, and light batter elevate these peppers to new heights.
SHAVED ICE
Best: Ice Delight at 265 Casa Linda Plaza serves up a gourmet version of the ballpark snow cone in thirty-two flavors. Our favorites: kahlua and hazelnut cream.
BALLPARK FOOD
Best new: Bratwurst on a bun at Arlington Stadium. Laden with green peppers and onions, and actually hot. this is a find.
Worst old: Arlington nachos. What can be said?
How they might Be even
worse: Imagine eating (hem at Texas Stadium, sans beer.
HAMBURGER
Best, regular variety: Chips (two locations), though it may be something of a hassle to order it or to find a table on which to eat it.
Best, fancy variety: Quadrangle Grille. 2800 Routh St. It’s an inch thick, it comes with melted asadero cheese, and it sits on a piece of squaw bread slathered with basil bacon mayonnaise. It tastes fabulous, and-best of all-it still tastes like a hamburger.
Best, greasy variety: Keller’s all locations, but especially 3766 Samuell Blvd.
FROZEN YOGURT
Best: It’s a tie: the non-fat chocolate-vanilla swirl at either “TCBY” or I Love Yogurt.
PIZZA
Best: Windsor’s Pizza (3711 Greenville Ave., 828-2240). Their supreme (with everything on it) is incredible. We’re talking wonderful crust (not too chewy, not too thin), real ingredients (they must not own a can opener), and some of the friendliest sales help around. And it’s cheap: the S7.99 (pick-up only) large supreme feeds four.
New Restaurant
Best:Monte Carlo in The Grand Kempinski Dallas, 15201 Dallas Parkway. This is one Mediterranean restaurant that actually serves the kind of food you might find along the Riviera. It’s especially good news that The Grand Kempinski has a top-notch restaurant, because this hotel has never had a dining success. (And Far North Dallas needed a fine new upscale place.)
Runner-up: Chaplin’s, 1928 Greenville. Lower Greenville badly needed a restaurant with a bit of elegance.
BRUNCH
Best on a budget: Calientes’ (6881 Greenville) Sunday spread is the best deal going for a family affair. For $8.95 ($3.95 for the tots), the fiesta includes traditional Tex-Mex fare- qucsadillas, tacos, enchiladas, and the like-but there’s more. Roast suckling pig, smoked turkey, and ham, plus a hefty array of desserts.
Best to impress: The Grand Brunch at The Grand Kempinski lives up to its name in every respect. The food spreads from corner to corner on two long tables where they’ve got things like rack of lamb, roast pork, sushi, and shrimp, but that’s just for starters; on one visit, they had 866 dessert choices!
Oriental Grocery Store
Best: Kazy Gourmet Shop, 8989 Forest Lane. It’s a small shop, but don’t let that fool you. They’ve got this place packed with every Oriental food item imaginable-from Hon Dashi (that’s fish flakes to you) to daiki, a hard-to-find Japanese radish. Prices are rock bottom and the help aims to please.
Place To Drink And Dine Before The Mort
Best: Waters, a sweet little French bistro (1923 McKinney), has a pre-performance special between 6 and 7 p.m., wherein a salad, your choice among four entrees, and a dessert can be had for $10.
SHOPPING
NECKTIE SELECTION
Best: Neiman Marcus (NorthPark location, 363-8311) has a gigantic collection. With more than 9,000 choices, we almost feel sorry for the guy looking for just the right match. They have their own NM brand as well as every designer brand known to man.
Runners-up: Britches of Georgetowne (NorthPark location, 739-0703) and Culwell & Son (6319 Hillcrest, 522-7000) also have an impressive array of ties, especially if you’re looking for more traditional weaves and color tones.
SKIN CARE
Best: At Mari’s Skin Care Salon (]450 Preston Forest Square, 980-0833), it’s $45 for a relaxing one-and-a-half-hour facial. Hint: ask for the “magic wand.”
USED COMPACT DISCS
Best: Bill’s (8136 Spring Valley Rd., 234-1496). It’s worth a trip just to browse through the mass of old, new, import, and out-of-production albums, cassettes, and CDs at Bill’s. Choose from more than 4,000 used CDs- mostly new music and rock with a little jazz thrown into the heap. Often, new CDs will turn up here minus fancy packaging for the standard price of $10 or, better yet, three for $25.
GARDEN SUPPLY STORE
Best: Mother Nature Garden Center (2001 Skillman St., 823-9421). Jack and Celia Fulcher have conducted business at their little indoor-outdoor shop in Lakewood for the last eighteen years. They’ve got great indoor plants (a four-foot palm cost us a mere $18) as well as rows and rows of the outdoor variety and a full line of gardening products. No question is a dumb question, and they’ve got all the answers.
FLORIST
Best: Mary Hakert at The Posey Peddler (9012 Garland Rd., 321-2949) creates some of the prettiest arrangements we’ve seen. Her prices are reasonable and the goods are always delivered on time. Mary also has great ideas for baskets, boxes, and balloons. If you don’t 1 know what you want, she does.
GROCERY STORE FLOWERS
Best: We’ve never been able to catch the floral department at the Tom Thumb Superstore (111 Turtle Creek Village. 522-3562) on an off day. This is the place for tulips ($8.95 for ten) and tuberoses ($1.99 to $2.49 a stem), and if your average bunch-o-flowers ($4.99) will do the trick, you and your loved one won’t be disappointed.
QUIRKY GIFT SHOP
Best: An eclectic assortment of gorgeous marble candlesticks, wonderful glass pieces, unusually scented potpourri, and some of the prettiest boxed soaps we’ve ever seen (and have never seen anywhere else) make Nuvo (3900 Cedar Springs, 522-6886) our favorite new find. The owners bring in the best from both coasts, so their stuff is always one step ahead of the Dallas market.
VINTAGE WATCH SELECTION
Best: The Tie-Coon Trading Co., 6148 Luther Lane, 369-8437. The watches here date from the early teens into the Fifties, priced from $200 to $2,000. And if you don’t find the one just like you remember granddad wearing, they’ll be glad to track down a match.
Runner-up: Stanley Korshak at The Crescent, 2200 Cedar Springs. Suite 100. 871-3600. While the selection is not as vast as Tic-Coon’s (they keep a rotating stock often on display), the Rolex, circa 1938, the 1949 Lord Elgin with the beehive face, and an original Dick Tracy watch left us envious.
VIDEO SELECTION
Best: After a mad fling with Blockbuster Video, we’re back in the arms of Sound Warehouse. But we’ve got to say this for Blockbuster: it’s so meticulously categorized that you always know exactly where the film you want would be-if it weren’t always checked out.
PLACE FOR BONSAI PLANTS
Best: Ah, yes. Father teach. Father teach that paying fifty bucks for six-inch-tall cypress, juniper, or snow rose is damned expensive hobby indeed. But if your twig is bent that way, try Dallas Bonsai Garden, with three locations at The Galleria, Prestonwood, and the West End.
SALE AT VICTORIAS SECRET
Best: Victorias Secret (522 NorthPark Center, 987-9034, four other locations) has a fabulous Semi-Annual Reduction Sale. There’s one the last week of December (continuing into January) and one right around the first of July. You can find up to half off on all those great robes, nighties, undergarments, and lingerie.
AFTER CHRISTMAS SALE
Best: The Container Store {3060 Mockingbird Lane, 373-7044, three other locations). The doors open at 9:30 a.m. on December 26, and you’d better get in line early if you want a shot at the hundreds of Christmas items that can be had for 50 percent off. We’re talking wrapping paper, packaging, ribbons, tags, tissue, baskets, and tons more. Every color, shape, size, and variety is yours for the taking.
HELPFUL BOOKSTORE
Most: Shakespeare Books (1922 Greenville, 821-9188). One of the few bookstores in Dallas that can order directly from the publisher. They actually volunteer to help you. a rarity in this day and age, and they really know something about books.
Least: Half Price Books, any location. Would someone get these people a computer, please? A phone inquiry about a specific book always gets the same response-“come look for yourself, we have no way of telling you what books we have.”
PLACE FOR CACTUS
Best: Texas Palm Trees & Plants (2023 Cadiz. 741-2310). Whatever the size, whatever the variety, and whatever the budget, this is the place to visit. They’ve got nearly 400 potted cacti to choose from with prices just as varied: you can get a pint-sized plant for $1 or the towering version for $400.
CLASSICAL MUSIC STORE
Best: The Sound Warehouse on Mockingbird. “They have the biggest selection,” says Sandra McMillen of the Mu Phi Epsilon Dallas Alumni Society (a group specializing in classical music listening). “And they’ll order stuff that nobody else will.” 3068 Mockingbird, 373-9101.
MIXED MEDIA
TRANSFORMATION
Minor: Channel 8’s Dale Hansen tried a cheapo hair-dye kit and wound up with locks variously described as auburn, frightened carrot, and orange.
Major: The Herald’s Jim Schutze went from inner-city liberal to RoboColumnist, calling for shooting drug dealers. He praised the State Fair for being “fascist” in “the very best sense of the word.”
PICTURES THAT TELL A STORY
Grossest: The huge, half-page newspaper ads for Padi the Mummy at the Science Place were truly gross.
Most Appropriate: The News finally gave gossipmeister Alan Peppard the knowing smirk he deserves.
IVINS-ISM
Good: Covering the Bush inauguration, Molly Ivins wrote: “The Republicans [wore] $1,200 red, white, and blue shoes, and gowns by Galanos and Yves St. Laurent. The homeless favored the layered look, topped by a street-chic wool cap, accessorized by mittens with the fingers worn out.”
Better: Noting that police department rules bar applicants who have had same-sex relations since the age of fifteen, or sexual contact with animals since seventeen, Ivins wondered why animal lovers got a two-year break.
REASON TO READ CLOSELY
Good: Alex Acheson’s column in the Herald, “Real Estate Spindle,” always looks like “Real Estate Swindle” on first glance. No offense, Alex.
Better: In a News story on Wade Boggs’s lurid affair with Margo Adams, we found this typo: “…Boggs apologized to teammates and fans created by the relationship
Best: From a Dallas Observer review of a band called Concrete Blonde: “…the L.A. band…applies the lessons of history in unexpected ways. embracing all the contradictions along the way. However, these dichotomies do not divide and splinter the music…” They also play a kick-ass version of “Louie, Louie.”
SERIES
Best: The Herald’s Steve Smith ennobled local journalism with his tough-minded, revealing stones on his progress through the Police Academy.
Worst: The Herald wasted space by serializing yet another sleazy Kennedy book, Jackie. More bed-hopping and pill-popping in Camelot.
BAYLESS COLUMN
Best: Skip made a gutsy point when he opined that Herschel (Goody Two-Cleats) Walker, whose wife is white, escaped racist criticism that would surely have fallen on the much-less-humble Tony Dorsett.
Worst: On the very day the long-suffering Cowboys finally won a game against Washington, Bayless wrote an asinine column in which he allowed his girlfriend to rate the Cowboys on their looks, the alleged point being that this team was not only playing ugly, they were ugly.
UNUSUAL EDITORIAL
Good: The News’ comment on the proposed Elvis commemorative stamp contained nineteen references to Presley songs. That’s right- nineteen great Elvis songs in one super editorial!
Best: The Herald’s moving tribute to Andrew David Beck, handicapped man struck by cur and killed, used verses from the poem ” Invictus” to laud his courage and determination.
TRAFFIC REPORT
Best: Dick Siegel, helicopter pilot at WBAP-AM, does a lot more than just crack jokes with drive-time jocks. He’s the preferred whirly-bird reporter of the traffic division of the Dallas Police Department, and he’s also something of a local hero. During last year’s floods, he risked his own life to save three people from drowning when their car was swept off a bridge.
SERV ICES
YARDMEN
Best: L&M Land Management, 821-8902. This dynamic duo must change clothes a lot. Pete Lucas and Tony Mantzuranis of Little Gus’ fame work full time at their Lower Greenville restaurant and still manage to run L&M Land Management, one of the best-kept lawn service secrets in town. Affordable, dependable, and knowledgeable, Pete and Tony will make sure your edges are straight and remind you when to fertilize your rose bushes.
Home Bartender
Best: No party is complete without Eddie Nesbitt (376-7431). Maybe you don’t know his name (though he always remembers yours), but you’ve seen him at many a soiree. He never forgets your drink, he brings his own ice, and he’s a very reasonable $65 for four hours.
BALLROOM DANCING CLASSES
Best: Depending on your two-stepping talent (or lack thereof), there are two ways to go: seasoned dancers swear by Jimmy Henley at Dance Tyme (5757 W. Lovers Lane, Suite 213, 350-8855). His instruction is personalized, and he makes the harder dances like the Tango look as easy as doing the Hokey-Pokey, Now, if you’re of the two-left-footed variety. Don Chesshir at George B. Dealey Recreation Center (6501 Royal Lane, 670-6256) is the man to see. He’s dirt cheap-but more important, he’s oh-so-patient.
VCR REPAIR
Best: “Yeah, bring it in Tuesday and we’ll see it” we can get it by Saturday-no, wait, we close early…make it a week. We’ll call you…” Sick of that runaround? You need the doctor-Dr. VCR, 943-6871. He makes house calls and cures 95 percent of his patients right there on the spot.
LAWN MOWER REPAIR SERVICE
Best: Jimmy’s Lock & Cycle on Lemmon Avenue. Expert and affordable service of aging power mowers. On one visit we witnessed an ace mechanic fixing a jammed starting mechanism with two jabs of his index finger…with no charge to the customer.
CHILDBIRTH CLASS INSTRUCTOR
Best: Itske Stern at St. Paul’s Hospital. Thorough… enlightening…entertaining… delightful accent…cute props. She has a direct approach to expectant parents about what they’re really in for but makes them look forward to it anyway. (Course emphasis: controlled breathing is a must, but drugs are available.)
MEAT PROCESSING
Best: Trust Hans at Kuby’s, 3121 Ross Ave., 821-3121, with any wild game or specialty cooking. He makes sure you get your own meat back and his sausage has no equal.
NEW SERVICE
Best: At last! A party guest that anyone can feel superior to. Rent-a-Nerd will send the Morris Brothers, a dorky duo of “social misfits,” to your party, promotion, etc. They’ll make tools of themselves flirting with women, drone on about their boring lives, even try to sing with the band. 221-9803.
VOLVO MECHANIC
Best: In a previous life, John Oldner (Metric Import Automotive, 183 Moonlight Drive in Murphy, Texas, 578-0348) was a pinstripe-suited computer/electrical engineer. Now he docs what he says he was born to do: fix Volvos, any year, any problem. He’s cheap, he’s quick, and he can do it all: four times he placed his hands under the hood of our problematic Swedish friend, and four limes he sent us down theroad smiling.
MOBILE VET
Best: Dr. Steven Wilson, whose twenty-nine-foot mobile cat clinic boasts lab facilities, X-ray equipment, and even surgical facilities. Wilson loves kitties; if yours are shy, never fear-he thinks nothing of playing with them a while to make them more at ease. In fact, Wilson’s whole philosophy centers around making vet visits less painful for you and your feline friend. A mobile office visit is $25. his hours are 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Monday through Friday and he serves mostly the North Dallas corridor. 907-CATS.
COOKING CLASSES
Best: Our food experts say it’s hard to top Cuisine Concepts (1406 Thomas Place, Fort Worth, 817-732-4758). Former partner at the legendary {and now-defunct) French Apron, Renie Steves teaches the fine art of cooking in her own home (which, by the way. is knock-out gorgeous). She teaches and/or sponsors at least one cooking course a month, but the best, we’ve heard, is the class taught by chef Stephan Pyles, who shares trade secrets from Routh Street Cafe and Baby Routh.
Runner-up: We”re intrigued by two classes taught at The Adolphus Hotel (1321 Commerce, 742-8200). Chef For A Day (you start your morning at the produce loading dock and eventually wind up at The French Room) and the Chefs Table. Both offer all the hands-on experience one could possibly want.
INTERIOR PAINTER
Best: David Lyles’ Fine-Home Painters (363-9239) garnered rave reviews for its work at Monte Carlo in The Grand Kempinski. You’d have thought Gauguin or Monet had been reincarnated and hired for the task. One smitten foodie waxed eloquent about the walls’ “mottled sherbet colors-lemon, lime, and orange-and faux finishes, such as the green lizard cover on the hostess stand.” Sounds good enough to eat.
In-Home Computer Help
Best: Before panic sets in, call Dallas Micros Inc. (16531 Addison Rd., 931-1219) and let them hold your hand. If you’ve got IBM or IBM compatibles, they can help. They’ll come to your home, give you a basic lesson in hardware, and then get your fingers going in the direction you want. Depending on your level of computer expertise, they charge $50 to $75 an hour.
DRY CLEANERS
Best, Old World: National Cleaners, 1900 Greenville, 824-2777. Charles E. Edwards has been running a cleaners “on the Avenue” for forty-three years. If you’re new, it won’ take long to feel you’re part of the well-cared-for fold. After taking a need-it-now shirt to three of those “One Hour Martinizing” places with no luck, we tried Edwards and made it to the church, clean and pressed, on time. The place is tiny and you’ll find it hard to believe that they’ll be able to keep up with your clothes among the clutter, but they will.
Best, New World: Seville $1.25 Cleaners, 6434 E. Mockingbird Lane. Suite 111, 821-9707. It’s really as simple as it sounds: $1.25 prepaid gets you most items cleaned and pressed. And take “most” quite literally because there are only three exceptions to the $1.25 rule: it’ll cost you an extra twenty cents per pleat and they don’t do leather or suede.
CRITTERS
The Dalai Lama-Sorry, no wordplays on Lama/llama allowed.
When the City Council considered limiting the number of pets in households, one petophile complained that Dallas didn’t even have enough police to take care of our current problems, “let alone police every home as Nazi Germany did.”
A carp was found swimming along Five Mile Road after the huge May floods.
An alligator invaded Lake Carolyn in Las Colinas, temporarily threatening the, uh, water leg of the President’s Triathlo
A 200-pound black panther was captured near the intersection of Inwood Road and Royal Lane.
A headless body floating in the Trinity River turned out to be the corpse of a kangaroo.
Orphan, a Park Cities dog, escaped from its owners an astonishing fifty-three times. thus gaining more yardage than the 1989 Dallas Cowboys.
A deranged woman roamed the halls of the Dallas County Administration Building, trying to deliver a black pup she called “Ragsdale” to Commissioner John Wiley Price.
A few months before the Ramses exhibit opened, a plague of pharaoh ants descended upon the city.
After being struck by a car, a wounded Irish terrier made its way. without human assistance. to the doorstep of a Piano vet. Yes. Shamrock had been there before, but we still think it’s a pretty neat feat.
SIGNS OF THE TIM
SIGNS OF THE TIMES
Seen at an East Dallas service station: “No longer an Exxon -and damn proud of it.”
Acronym attack! The Greater Dallas Board of Realtors formed Operation SLIME-“Slum Lords Invade My Environment”-to help the city with code enforcement.
Will Not Work for food: A counterfeit grocery coupon scam sprung up. costing merchants thousands of dollars. For $40, one ripoff shop was selling coupons worth up to $400.
The Cowboys’ plunge to the cellar spawned a slew of jokes and inspired this graffiti: “Loop 12. Cowboys 0.
Garish on Gaston: The Cowboys nightclub, 7331 Gaston, erected a hideous, Times Square-style sign to lure two-steppers.
From the what-else-can-go-wrong department: In the waning minutes of a game against the Los Angeles Rams, a referee thought Troy Aikman was calling a timeout. He was actually signaling to his receivers.
’89 started with a bang with this ad: Happy Holidays! Laser Hemorrhoidectomy speciaL!
But what if they throw canapés? The Park dries News bought a bulletproof vest and several “shell jackets” to protect reporters and photographers who go along on drug busts.
Goodbody’s Fitness Centers on Lovers Lane put out this memo to members: “We are having a problem with some people wearing too much perfume in class. It really makes those around you sick when they are gasping for oxygen. Please give everybody a break and lighten up.”
