EXTRA! MAN MAIMED BY PAPER!

STRANGE WORLD RUSS FELLOWS knows that Sunday isn’t Sunday when the Sunday Dallas Morning News, all seven pounds of it, conies crashing through your bedroom window to slash up your face at 5 o’clock in the morning.

Fellows, 45, and his longtime girlfriend were catching some ZZZs in his ground-floor apartment on Fair Oaks Crossing just before dawn on May 20 when a Dallas Morning News carrier-named, perhaps appropriately in this case, CLIFFORD ADODO– decided to cock back and wing that big fat pile of Early Birdstuff way up onto the balcony of a second-floor News subscriber. Said Russ Fellows’s attorney, JERRY L. HUGHES, “He seems to have missed by a wide margin.”

Fellows, sporting an inch-long gash in his chin, said, “There was a terrible crashing. I didn’t know what was happening-if it was a car coming through the wall or burglars or what. Because the glass came right into the bed, I couldn’t move.”

Firemen arrived, treated Fellows’s cut, and then extricated him from his shard-covered bed. Police said he was lucky, since venetian blinds had held back much of the glass. But Fellows doesn’t feel lucky at all.

“I’ve only been in Dallas a year and a half,” he said. “I’m from South Dakota, where it’s always very quiet, and this thing has just stressed me out. Now my girlfriend doesn’t want to stay in this town any more, and I don’t even feel safe in my own bedroom. Everybody thinks it’s kind of a joke. But it’s not very funny to me,” Fellows said.

Fellows, who’s now negotiating with the News’s insurance company, has not ruled out a lawsuit. Whatever happens, don’t look for him to become a subscriber.