Lately we’ve seen a rash of worthwhile special-purpose funds to help people or groups in need: there was a special fund set up for Peggy Railey, a victim of permanent brain damage; the Dallas Black Dance Theatre made a special plea for dollars through Her Honor the Mayor Annette Strauss; a fund was established for an Arlington man who was stabbed nearly to death by a would-be burglar; another was set up to save the venerable Comet roller coaster in Fair Park from imminent destruction.
These are all good causes, but we think a few opportunities for special fund creation were missed by the community. Some suggestions:
The RoboCop Fund to protect Judge Jack Hampton’s son from assault by roving pairs of homosexual men.
The Correct English Only Fund for people who think “ir-regardless” is a word.
The Sherwood Blount Jr. Fund for valet parking at Ownby Stadium.
The Methuselah Fund for research into prolonging the careers of Nolan Ryan and Charlie Hough.
The Tower of Strength Fund to keep John Tower’s feet housed in good-looking platform shoes.
The Jesse Jackson Charisma Fund to pay for a charisma bypass operation for police chief Mack Vines, City Council member John Evans, and County Judge Lee Jackson.
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