SOLUTIONS BEATING THE STARPLEX SYSTEM

By now everyone knows that the folks out at Stalag Starplex are, well, a little peculiar about the behavior of the paying customers who pass into their domain for concerts. Breathing is about the only thing not regulated at the People’s Amphitheater. But what to do about it?

We turned to Buffalo George Toomer, local junk food critic, author (American Extremes), wag, bon vivant, and wild man. Said Toomer: “These rules, like those in high school, twang something deep in my soul that starts adolescent voodoo throbbing and turns my mind to zombie fodder with thoughts of smuggling in a hibachi, patio furniture, maybe a home entertainment center. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”

Exactly. And what Toomer had to do was design D’s Ultimate Guide to Outsmarting Starplex. We wouldn’t suggest trying all these tactics at once, as George does in this photo. But remember, PACE has a nice, fat, forty-year contract. There will be time…