FIVE HOUR CAR-LESS BAR HOP

First, go to the West End. But, you’re thinking, I don’t wanna go to the West End. Stop whining. Yes, the place has lots of tourists. Think of yourself as an ambassador. Yes, there are a lot of college kids. Think of yourself as a role model.

A great place to start your evening is the Voodoo Bar* at Bahama Bob’s, the site of the old Oasis, It’s dark and cool and has candles, blue neon lights, and masks on the walls. There’s a saltwater aquarium above and behind the bar (they feed the fish between 6: 30 and 7 if you’re interested) and they play soft, jazzy, New Age music and reggae. It’s a great place to get your mind off the office.

Now that you’re tension-free, it’s time to move around. Head toward Dallas Alley, turn left at the first street, and proceed to Dick’s Last Resort at Ross and Record. There’s live entertainment and a hopping crowd on almost any day of the week. If it’s too crowded to get in, try the Outback Pub. It’s only a little bit Australian, but a life-size model of Paul Hogan, the Australian tourism spokesman, greets you at the door.

If it’s a weeknight, you will soon notice that there is almost no free happy hour food in the West End, beyond some gratis hot dogs at Gator’s. But even worse, there are no happy hour prices in Dallas Alley, so stick with the rest of the West End for a while. If you’re hungry, there are lots of choices-burgers at Market Street Bar & Grill, Italian food at 311 Lombardi’s, and more. A good choice is Tolbert’s Chili Parlor, where the burgers are good and the staff and customers are friendly.

If it’s a Friday or Saturday, the corner of Market and Ross is the stop for the DART About West End Shuttle that can take you down to the hotspots of McKinney Avenue. (Yes, it seems weird to take a bus at night in Dallas. Think of yourself as a European. ) The buses run every fifteen minutes and thirty-five cents will take you to Sam’s Cafe at the corner of McKinney and Maple in the Crescent, where the food is wonderful, the mood is relaxed, and the prices are reasonable. After dinner, amble down to Sfuzzi to try a bellini at the bar and check out the crowd. You have to see it to believe it, and a bellini is much better than dessert.

It’s time to hop back on the bus and hit Dallas Alley. If you’re tired from your trip, try Backstage. It’s quiet and serene, unlike the rest of the Alley. When you’re ready for something a little livelier, one cover charge will get you into Alley Cats, Take 5, Froggy Bottoms, and The Boiler Room. If you feel like listening or dancing to live music, just take your pick.

Well, it’s late and it’s almost time to wander back to that dreaded automobile, but if you’re drinking beer, you may want to walk across Lamar street and check out some of Late Night in the West End’s 105 brands of beer. Don’t try for the Late Night Hall of Fame on this trip, though. You can get your picture on the leader board, but you have to drink at least twenty-five beers to do it. If you’re in the mood for a nightcap, you might want to drop by the bar at The Palm Restaurant, which feels and is a lot more grown-up than some of the other places you’ve been.

One other note. No one in the West End will look at you funny if you order a Coke at any of these places. They want you to drive home safely, and there are always plenty of cabs waiting if you’ve overdone it. Think of yourself as sober and responsible. Or at least responsible.