The View from Here

So, you ask, why should we trek out to Arlington Stadium to watch the abysmal Strangers lose yet again? After all, this team traditionally starts its September swoon around April 20. Sure, Texas will score more runs this year, with veterans Toby Harrah and Cliff Johnson sandwiched around Buddy Bell, Gary Ward and Larry Parrish in the batting order, but good pitching-which we ain’t got- will beat good hitting every time, except when it doesn’t. Still, without the Rangers, how would we ever see real major leaguers like George Brett, Rickie Henderson, Jim Rice, Rollie Fingers, Eddie Murray and Tom Seaver? Huh? So take yourself out to the old ball game, and while you’re waiting for next year, use this handy guide to the best seats in the house.

For a good, even tan, baste yourself in the bleachers from the left field foul pole to the 380 marker; to avoid the sun, seek perpetual shadow in sec. 304-313, rows 13-18; to avoid Diamond Vision (which never shows any controversial replays that might make a Ranger or an ump look bad), hide up in sec. M M, rows 36-38; to analyze the deliveries of pitchers like Phil Niekro, Storm Davis and Dan Quisenberry, try sec. 122, near the bullpen; to admire neatly turned 6-4-3 double plays, sec. 207 is ideal; to be on TV in the visitors’ hometown, take your ego to secs. M and O, near the camera station; to watch Yankee right fielder Dave Winfield challenge the wall, try sec. 102, rows 1-8; to see rifle-armed Red Sox right fielder Dwight Evans throw out base runners, buy into secs. S-W; to catch easy, arching fouls, wait in secs. 306-307, rows 1-20; to snare vicious, smoking fouls and impress your friends, brace yourself in sees. 118-120 (and watch the ricochet off the blue wall!); to protest price increases, boycott the “reserved grandstand” seats in sees. A-Z (the bleachers should be the bastion of sweaty equality); to hear beer vendor Jim Street bellow his famous call, sit in secs. 106, 107, 206 and 207; to be alone, sit almost anywhere you like after August 1, but until then, try secs. 408 and 418.

If you’ve been burned-by the Rangers or the sun-too many times, catch the games in air-conditioned comfort at any of these sports-watchers’ bars: Humperdink’s, 6050 Greenville Greenville Avenue Country Club. 3618 Greenville

Dave and Buster’s, 10727 Composite

Mad Hatter’s, 7001 Fair Oaks

Scoreboard Sports Bar and Grill, 4872 Belt Line

Magoos, 8021 Walnut Hill