Tuesday, August 9, 2022 Aug 9, 2022
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BEST & WORST

By D Magazine |

WELL, 1984 WAS certainly no sleeper. Big Brother didn’t arrive, but The Boss did. And Sister Boom Boom paraded her bipartisan politics all over the RNC. Sally Field brought Hollywood to Waxahachie, and TCU football coach Jim Wacker pushed his Horned Frogs into the Top 20, making him the UPI Southwest Conference and National Coach of the Year. New culinary highs and criminal lows were set, and Dallas developers kept the dirt flyin’.

Orwell, you shoulda been there!



TRACKS OF OUR TEARS: When they split up, Noel Harlan Buckner and Sondra Kay Buckner argued for six months over who would get to keep their $5,000 worth of toy trains. Judge Josh Taylor ruled that each would get to keep part of the trains, but he granted them each visitation rights to see the other party’s train sets. Noel Buckner got to keep the American Flyer set with 25 sections of Mighty Casey track. Sondra got the tin-plated 1935 aqua-and-silver Comet engine. Judge Taylor asked that he also be granted visitation rights.

BEST FREE MUNCH: Shrimp and homemade potato chips at Shrimper’s on Abrams. The second batch will cost you $1.50, but once you’re hooked, it’s worth the price.

CARD SHOP

BEST: Still The Ole Moon & Other Tales. Funk, art, one-of-a-kinds.

NAUGHTY: Crossroads Market. Bawdy, blue, off-beat…and a few nice ones, too.

BEST ITALIAN MAITRE’D: La Trattoria Lombardi’s.

FLIES BY DAY, FLY BY NIGHT, WHENEVER …: Prospect Grill. Those little buzzing creatures just love the fajitas.



LIFE IN THE INTERNATIONAL CITY



WORST IDEA: A plan to combine the Dallas and Houston U.S. Customs offices, which would mean closing numerous import firms and the cessation of all direct transatlantic flights from D/FW.

GOLDBLATTISM: On the 6 p.m. news, Oct. 29, Councilman Max said, “This is a city where we can barely speak one language good. Most international cities speak two or more languages fluently.”



SWAN SONG



BEST: The Dr Pepper shareholders’ last meeting, where they were to vote on the company’s leveraged buy-out. A chubby opera singer entered on the cue, “It’s not over till the fat lady sings.”

WORST: The stubborn persistence of Elsie Faye Heggins, who refused to concede her loss in the county commissioner’s race to former political ally John Wiley Price, even after two recounts verified that Price had won by 2,725 votes.



SOLE MEN



BEST: Dallas Shoe Repair Service at Preston Center will see that your wingtips are well-heeled while you wait.

DRIVE-THROUGH: Shoe Thru opened its first location at Coit and Arapaho and now has eight locations throughout Dallas. The business operates something like a Fotomat. They send off your sole in the evening before 7 and have it back in mint condition the next day after 5.

BEST NEW GIFT SHOP: The one at the Dallas Museum of Art.



GREATEST CROWD NOISE: Reunion Arena anytime the Mavericks are playing.



HEY, WE’RE UP HERE! A24-page advertising supplement in Fortune magazine described Dallas as a “city of opportunity.” Unfortunately, one of the pictures was of the Houston skyline.



HEY, SHE’S DOWN THERE! An Associated Press editor in New York liked the material that his Dallas writer had sent regarding the convention, but was puzzled as to why the writer didn’t mention something about Dallas’ mayor- Kathy Whitmire.



BEST JUXTAPOSITION: In the Aug. 8, Dallas Morning News, columnist Bradley Miller’s column was headlined “Understanding Mondaleans” directly opposite the column by Philip Seib, “Understanding Depression.”



BEST ANSWER TO A HARD QUESTON: In the Dallas Times Herald and later as a guffaw in The New Yorker: “Many architects seem to be discarding the tenants of modern design and are searching for a new, unifying philosophy.”



TEASIPPING



HOT: The Adolphus serves afternoon tea from 3 until 5 among Louis the XIII furniture and overstuffed chairs in its upper lobby. The tea cart carries 16 varieties of tea, from Earl Grey to Russian Caravan. The pastry cart is never far behind, with sweets, scones and sandwiches. Have your brew either a la carte or all-you-can-sip for $10. Reservations recommended.

ICED: Rocco Oyster Bar serves perfectly blended iced tea topped with a fresh mint sprig. For iced with spice, try a delicious glass at the Bronx.

BEST PLACE TO DYE FOR: Glen Domstead’s Rainbow International Carpet Dyeing and Cleaning Co. in DeSoto.

BEST CITY PROMOTION: Braum’s $25,000 “Clean Up Dallas” advertising campaign. You know what I mean, Vern?

SPORTS MANAGEMENT

BEST: Dallas Mavericks. Norm Sonju and Don Carter have a plan, they’ve stuck to it, and we see the results.

WORST: Texas Rangers. Eddie Chiles and Doug Rader have no plan, they vacillate wildly-and we see the results.

THE DEB WORLD

9 to 5: Debs, under the tutelage of Twinkle Bayoud, are breaking into the world of real estate. Said deb Pam Cov-ington in a Dallas Life interview: “We’re trying to prove ourselves. . .as rich women.”

AFTER 5: The well-publicized romance of Fort Worth deb Karen Fortson and Mark Thatcher, son of the British Prime Minister.

PUBLIC PLACE TO WATCH A FOOTBALLGAME ON TV

BEST BOOKED: The Dallas Public Library provided a tavern-size television receiver on the main floor so patrons could watch the AFL and NFL football playoff games last January. Viewers were permitted to bring popcorn and even to make noise.

BEST ESTABLISHED: Any of the several locations of The Point. Enjoy a good burger, a cold beer, an unobstructed TV and you can bet on a good time!

BEST NEW CHALLENGER: The Scoreboard in Addison offers three small televisions, one big-screen set and a ticker-tape machine that prints out up-to-the-minute scores of most professional and college sports events.

RAW DEAL

BEST: Mr. Sushi.

WORST: Wilmer, Dallas’ most abused suburb, where city fathers decided to dump all their lead-contaminated soil.



CAR WASH

BEST: Our longtime fave, White Rock Car Bath, 10229 Garland Rd. For $4.99 you get your car vacuumed, your floor mats scoured, your windows washed inside and out, your whitewalls whitened and an interior wipe-down and dust. They haven’t lasted 30 years for nothing.

WORST: The Western Car Wash, 110 Metro. Once, our car was flooded when the attendant forgot to close up the windows. During a second attempt, an antenna was broken.



AL-FRESCO DINING

BEST: Cardinal Puff’s and Cracker’s. Puff’s is truly an oasis on Upper Greenville, but if topsiders give you hives, beware. The place is overrun on weekends with SMU students. Crackers is a more visible vantage point, on the edge of chic McKinney Avenue, just right for waiting for the trolley.

WORST: Sonny Bryan’s still has the best barbecue anywhere, but Saturday lunch is so crowded that you’ll end up eating in the parking lot, where the extent of the ambiance is a junk-yard to the north and In-wood Road exhaust all around.



GEM NEIGHBORS

BAD: Fluffy, the 9-foot boa constrictor belonging to Berry Wardlaw of Fort Worth. Two lumps in Fluffy’s throat were diagnosed as Tony, the tomcat, and Toad Frog, the toad frog, Fluffy’s ex-neighbors from across the street.

WORSE: The Fort Worth man who, after shooting his neighbor’s cat with a 50-pound bow and arrow, told his neighbor, “I never really intended to kill the cat. I thought the arrow would just bounce off.”

NARROW ESCAPE



BEST: When the Campus Drive overpass was struck by a semi and tons of concrete came crashing down on Interstate 20, the car of Eldora Caffey was crushed under the wreckage. Fortunately, the bridge struck the car just behind the front seat. After the dust had cleared, she was able to open the driver’s door and walk away unharmed.

WORST: Bret Douglas Adams escaped from the Cockrell Hill City Jail by slithering through a 6-by-12-inch slot in the cell door used to pass food plates to prisoners. Cockrell Hill Police Capt. Herb Strickland described Adams as a “scrawny, ornery little turkey.”



FROZEN SPLENDOR



BEST: Coconut frozen yogurt at Sundrops Natural Food Store on Oak Lawn.

WORST:Last January, firefighters used an acetylene torch to melt a 15-foot, 200-pound icicle that was clinging menacingly to the 42nd floor of the First City Bank Building.



VINTAGE CLOTHING



UPSCALE: Puttin’ On the Ritz on McKin-ney has cornered the market on higher quality, snazzy old duds.

MOST FUN: Flaunt, on Main Street in Deep Ellum, is heavy on Sixties and keen on kitsch. Here lies the heart of retro-fashion.



VINTAGE EVENING

BEST: The Wine Press Bar & Bistro features crusty bread, imported cheeses, excellent entrees and an atmosphere equaled by no other wine bar in Dallas.



MUY, MUY BUENO SOUP

BLACK BEAN: Javier’s.

ENCHILADA: Piaf’s Act II Restaurant.

TORTILLA, HIGH PRICED: The Mansion on Turtle Creek.

TORTILLA, MORE FOR LESS: Chiquita and sister restaurant, Mario & Alberto.



CONCERTED EFFORTS

IF YOU HAVE GOOD TASTE: Luciano Pavarotti’s special concert at Reunion. Breathtaking. Sorry, Michael.

IF YOU HAVE “BAD” TASTE: Van Halen’s three sold-out Reunion Arena performances concluded the group’s U.S. tour. It was hard to tell who partied harder, the crowd or the band.

IF YOU HAVE ANY TASTE AT ALL: Who else could you really love? The Boss, Bruce Springsteen.

BEST SELECTION OF WINES UNDER $10: Sigel’s liquor store on Lemmon Ave.



BEST PASTA TO GO: Pasta Plus.



BEST CROISSANTS: La Madeleine.



BEST INDOOR PLAYGROUND: The children’s area at the Dallas Museum of Art.



TELLING IT LIKE IT IS: Fort Worth’s head of the Miss Texas Beauty Pageant, B. Don Magness, remarked in a press release about Tamara Hext, Miss Texas 1984, that she had “the best body we’ve seen around here in a long time.” All he meant was that Miss Hext had been body-building for some two years and that he, for one, had noticed.



MOST SUBTLE TWIST OF THE TRUTH: A Dallas school board memorandum announced that the board was sending several school trustees to the annual American Association of School Administrators conference in “Clark County, Nevada, more commonly known as Las Vegas.”



BEST SNOW CONE: Aunt Stelle’s Sno-Cones. She has the best variety of flavors and old-fashioned crushed ice.



BEST COIN-OP LAUNDRY: Valley View Coin Laundry on Montfort. Only a quarter to dry and a free wash after 10 loads.



BEST TRUTH IN ADVERTISING: Mobile America Sales Corp., a mobile home dealership on Interstate 30, made this claim: “$6,495 and up. Mostly up.”



BEST NEW RESTAURANT: Chez Philippe. Posh, international and nouvelle.



BEST WURST RESTAURANT: Hans Mueller Sausage Co. Here you can sample heaping plates of fresh knackwurst and bratwurst.

BEEFY CHOICES



NEWBURGERS: Baskets Eatery.

GREASEBURGERS: Club Schmitz. And we mean it as a compliment.

CHEESEBURGERS: Chip’s.

COPBURGERS: Three Fort Worth police officers published a beefcake calendar featuring photos of Texas policemen. The officers later resigned under pressure, but it’s unlikely that they’re living off the royalties. The $7.25 calendars are still on sale at Taylor’s bookstores, but the price has been slashed to $3.95.

HEALTHBURGERS: Bluebonnet Natural Food & Grocery.

MAKE-YOUR-OWNBURGERS: Fudd-rucker’s.

CRUMBLINGBURGERS: Snuffer’s. They fall apart, but they’re worth picking up.

YANKEEBURGERS: Chugg’s. The owner is from Chicago, and he gives displaced Northerners the abuse they long for.

GRANBURYBURGERS: The Nut Shoppe on the Square in Granbury. Homemade sourdough buns made in a bakery on the premises.



MARGARITA



STRONGEST: Joe T.’s in Fort Worth.

TARTEST: A tie between Genaro’s Tropical and Café Rincon’s.

BIG AND FROSTY: Chili’s.

BAD ON ALL COUNTS: Raphael’s, our one-time fave. Now they’re nothing but a margarita-flavored Slurpee.



BEST FRESH SEAFOOD: Hampton’s Seafood Markets.

BEST FRIED SHRIMP: Aw Shucks.



FISHIN’ FOR EXCUSES



BEST: After months of fishing while his buddies were in training camp, Dallas Cowboy Randy White landed with one of the fattest contracts of any defensive lineman in the NFL.

THEATER SEATS

MOST COMFORTABLE: UA Ciné on Yale at Central.

SECOND BEST: The Opera House in Fort Worth. They rock.



BEST BLOCK PARTY: The seating for the Jacksons concert was arranged according to the zip codes of the concertgoers.



BEST NEW BOOK BY A DALLAS AUTHOR: A tie between A.C. Greene’s Dallas, U.S.A. and Evidence of Love by John Bloom and Jim Atkinson.

BEST RESTAURANT IN A LOUSY LOCATION: Agnew’s at the Promenade. It’s inside a square, around a corner and nestled in between a real estate office and a shoe store.

WORST RESTAURANT IN A GREAT LOCATION: Clair de Lune at the Quadrangle.



CHOKE

BEST: The cold artichoke stuffed with seafood salad served at the Loews Ana-tole’s Verandah Club.

WORST: Rep. Ralph Hall of Rockwall did not fulfill his responsibilities as delegate to the Democratic National Convention because, he said, the party is just “too liberal.”

CLEANERS

BEST: Comet Cleaners, Marsh Lane, north of Belt Line. The owner’s mother has been known to handwash your delicate items at her own home and, your dry cleaned items are ready to wear in four hours flat.

WORST: The Republican National Convention. Remember how they said it wouldn’t cost the taxpayers a dime? Then remember when they slightly revised their estimate-by $1.5 million?



WE KNOW JUST WHAT SHE MEANS: Carol Barcellona, Bryan Place’s general manager, said of the development’s new townhomes: “There’s nothing like them anywhere in town-similar, maybe, but not like them.”



BEST BAGEL: The Bagel Emporium. Fresh, piping-hot bagels, cream cheese and lox.



I’VE GOTTA BE MESQUITE



BEST: The Mesquite City Council produced an outcry when it proposed a new law that would prohibit residents from parking their cars, boats and trucks in their front yards.

WORST. A Baptist preacher said to the Mesquite City Council during its deliberations over whether to allow a dance floor at the Trail Dust Inn: “There will be blood on your hands from drunk driving accidents if you vote yes.”



BEST LUNCH-HOUR FIX



CHINESE: Tangerine on Ross.

MEXICAN: Pepe’s Café.

VIETNAMESE: La Pagode.

BEST GRILLED CHEESE: Theo’s, a tiny diner in Deep Ellum. Their sandwich earns this distinction largely because it’s made with Texas Toast and smeared with garlic butter.



BEST FRIED ZUCCHINI: With hot mustard sauce at Caulfield’s Restaurant & Bar.



BEST COMEBACK: The Dallas Mavericks’ Jay Vincent. Last year, he was overweight, whining and on the bench. This year, he’s leaner, stronger and starting.



BEST FOLK MUSIC: Poor David’s Pub continues to highlight folk music in an age when many clubgoers can’t remember Peter, Paul and Mary.



BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE: The Austrian torte at The French Baker in Preston Royal.



LETTUCE ENTERTAIN YOU:



BEST: Houston’s Restaurant in Addison serves a chef salad with cheese toast. It wears its dressing under a couple of layers of cheese and cold cuts. Somehow that keeps the tastes separate and gives all that roughage a lot more pizazz.

WORST: Matt Shaffen and Tony Dropsen camped out at the now-defunct Kip’s Big Boy on Mockingbird and held a marathon salad eating contest. They stayed in a booth for a full seven days.



WEEKEND BREAKFAST



HIGH-RENT: The Mansion. Juice, coffee and eggs Benedict: $15.

LOW-RENT: El Bruncho at Genaro’s Tropical, $6.50.

RENT-CONTROLLED: Arrive at John’s Cafe on lower Greenville before 11 a.m. and have two eggs, two slices of toast, two meats and hashbrowns for $1.99.

BEST PROTEST: The “Free Blackie” [Sherrod] movement.



BEST FASHION: The “I Hyped Mike” T-shirts for The Dallas Morning News employees who endlessly plugged the Jacksons’ tour.



IT’S NOT DRUNK, ITS HAVING A

STROKE: While preparing a huge feast to be served at the annual TACA Ball, Henri Boubee, executive chef of the Registry Hotel, told a reporter that the classic method of slaughtering a pheasant is to hold its beak in a glass of brandy until it passes out, then finish the deed just as the brandy is permeating the bloodstream.



WORST DWI DETERRENT: Coin-operated breathalyzers in area bars. After several customers competed to see who could exceed the limit first, one bartender called the device the “world’s fastest video game.”



WORST MEDICAL DISCOVERY: A $150 conelike plastic object, sold to patients by Dr. Ann Bhuket of Piano to “draw pain” from an afflicted area. Her license was removed by the State Board of Medical Examiners.



WORST ADDITION TO THE SCENE IN ’84: Starck Club. Former ambiance creator Edwige Belmore decided who would get in and who wouldn’t. “Some people belong some nights, but don’t belong other nights. You have to be very selective at the door if you want the club to be very special.”

BEST SPORTS COLUMN: Skip Bayless on Drew Pearson-a moving appeal for the injured Cowboy to retire.

WORST: Skip Bayless on skaters at the Winter Olympics. Not every athlete needs to wear knee pads and a helmet.



CIVIL SPIRIT BEST: As a result of the cultural dragnet by the Dallas Public Library on patrons with overdue books, arrests and $50-a-day fines were threatened. One book was recovered that had been checked out in 1959.

WORST: On January 19, Confederate Heroes Day, a celebration was planned at the foot of the Confederate monument near the Dallas Convention Center, but no one showed up.

PROFUNDITY

BEST: In analyzing the breathtakingly close race for the District 6 City Council seat that Diane Ragsdale had narrowly won, City Secretary Robert Sloan said, “It could have gone either way, and it did go either way.”



BEST: In a story in the July 16 issue of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram, designer Karl Lagerfeld quipped: “There is no fashion if no one buys it.”

BEST COFFEE: The biggest mug in the city: St. Martins. Their house blend comes with an amaretto cookie.



PROPHET



BEST: The Rev. Joseph Evans of Dallas predicted 10 of last year’s 11 NFL winners on Radio KKDA’s Saturday morning talk show, including the winners of the playoff games and the 1984 Super Bowl.

ASH TO ASHES: Mary Kay Ash said on the CBS Morning News that she believed the Texas School Book Depository should be destroyed. Later that day, a small fire broke out in the basement.



BUM’S AWAY



BEST: When Dallas Cowboys owner H.R. “Bum” Bright and his wife leave town, they hire an off-duty Highland Park policeman to stay at their home to babysit their 165-pound Great Dane.

WORST: Bright, chairman of Texas A&M Board of Regents, opposed the U.S. attorney general’s ruling that girls could join the Texas Aggie band. Maybe the 20th century will just go away, Bum.



SUPER SIZZLES:



BEST BEEF FAJITAS: Baja Louie’s Grill & Cantina (best deal for the money).

ALMOST AS GOOD: Chickeria.

BEST CHICKEN FAJITAS: Casa Rosa Restaurante (full of flavor).



HOOP-LA



BEST: SMU’s Jon Koncak on the U.S. Olympic team. The odds were against him, but now he’s recognized as one of the three best big men in the U.S.

WORST: Maverick Derek Harper, unaware of the tied score, gleefully ran out the clock with 10 seconds left in the play-off game against the Los Angeles Lakers. The game went into overtime, and Dallas lost. SLAP-HAPPY: Dallas City Councilman Jerry Rucker said that when councilman Al Lipscomb jumped in front of TV cameras and shouted about the RNC snubbing minority contractors, it was as outrageous an act as one of “an autistic child who hasn’t hit a lick in years and suddenly stands up and does a moon for everybody as soon as the camera comes on.” Rucker apologized to autistic children, but not to Lipscomb.



WHO’S AFRAID OF EDWARD ALBEE: Theater Arlington, the Arlington community theatre, canceled its production of a homosexual version of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? after playwright Edward Albee demanded that it not be presented. The director still insisted, however, that Albee originally intended to use four men instead of two heterosexual couples in the play. Albee denies it.



BEST MISTAKE/WORST CORRECTION: On election night Channel 4 twice reversed the vote count between Steve Bart-lett and Jim Westbrook, his Democratic opponent, showing Bartlett losing his GOP stronghold by huge margins.



CLUB DECOR

POP VINYL: Lobello’s. The air-conditioning vent is shaped like a guitar.

POST FALLOUT: The Twilite Room downtown. Hard-core punks and washed-out poets dance beside revolutionary graffiti and apocalyptic art.



GOING APe

BEST: For four weeks, a gorilla from the Dallas Zoo named Kanda beat Dallas Morning News columnist David Cas-stevens in picking NFL games against the spread. All three major networks, both wire services and the BBC requested interviews with Kanda.

WORST: Leeza Gibbons has left P.M. Magazine, but her fame lives on-sort of. A small ape at the Dallas Zoo has been named after her.



ENTREPRENEURS



TRANSCENDENTAL: George Shrime, a Dallas engineer, developed an electronic gadget designed to help traveling Moslems perform their daily prayers. Because the prayers must be done at a certain position of the sun, Moslems now know, by looking at Shrime’s gadget, exactly when to pray and which direction to point to the Holy City.

OCCIDENTAL: East met West in Dallas when ground was broken for a Best Western hotel in Addison that features Chinese architecture and decor, a Chinese restaurant and a Chinese garden.

INCIDENTAL: Dallas builder Ron Watson began installing a computer near the front door of the homes he built. It says such things as, “The front door is open” and “Welcome home, I missed you.”

WORST PILE-UP: A city sanitation truck dumped about 30 dead animals on a downtown freeway, creating a three-mile traffic jam.



VALLEY OF THE DULLS: A group in Rochester, New York, called International Dull Folks Unlimited, ranked Dallas Cowboys coach Tom Landry as one of the 10 dullest Americans.



WE’RE BEHIND YOU ALL THE WAY. . .: More than 1,000 residents of Rockwall turned out for an appreciation dinner to honor Rockwall County Sheriff John Vance just before he began serving time in federal prison for beating a 15-year-old boy.



WHAT DO THEY KNOW? Texas Instruments Chairman Mark Shepherd Jr. was named one of the worst corporate executives in the big business category by The Gallagher Report because of TI’s disastrous experience in the home computer market.



THE QUARTERBACK CONTROVERSY DEEPENS: Dennis Klembara won a Dallas Morning News contest entitling him to fulfill the sports fantasy of his choice. He challenged Roger Staubach to a best-of-five pass completion contest at Texas Stadium. He connected on four of five; Staubach completed only three.



BEST FREE RIDE: Dallas-headquartered Trailway Corp.’s bus lines gives runaways a free ride home.



BEST TACO SALAD: Café Cancun.

SIGNS OF THE TIMES

HEARTSTRINGS: KLIF billboards advertise the station’s country/western lyrics that tell a story like “I bought the shoes that just walked out on me” and “She stepped on my heart and stomped that sucker flat.”

PURSESTRINGS: Nostromo Bar, once the spot for local glitterati and hangers-on, finally put up a sign on the wall outside.

NO STRINGS: Genaro’s Tropical, which didn’t want to cater to those folks in the first place, still doesn’t need a sign.



ICE CREAM

FANCY: Gelare Ice Cream.

SUNDAE: Steve’s Ice Cream.

PIE: Andrew’s.

DRINK: Top of the Dome in Reunion Tower’s Black Forest.

SANDWICH: Famous Amos.



SALE

MOST EXPENSIVE: Ross Perot bought the Magna Charta for $1.5 billion.

MOST WELCOME: The RSR Corp. lead smelter plant in West Dallas sold to the lowest and only bidder at the rock-bottom price of $25,000.

MOST TALKED ABOUT: The Dallas Cowboys.

BEST FASHION SHOW: The Ladies Against Women, who protested the Eagle Forum fashion show at the Fairmont by staging their own affair: The Ego Forum.



WORST DOUBLE TALK: Paul Fields, operations manager for Parking Company of America, denied that his company engaged in “price-gouging” when it hiked parking prices from $1.75 per day to $3.00 per day during the Republican Convention. Explaining the distinction, Fields said: “It’s a matter of obtaining as much revenue as possible in a short period of time.” And Webster’s says…



BEST YUPPIE GEAR: Crate & Barrel. Everything from white wine glasses to electric woks.



I’M OKAY, HE’S EXPENSIVE: The city manager hired a $l,000-a-day clinical psychologist, Richard Ross, to help make city government better.



A LICENSE FOR LOVE: The $29.50 dues of Freeway Fantasies, Inc., gets you a bumper sticker and an identification decal for your car that lets other club members know you’re available. That way, interested parties can call club headquarters and get your name and number.



BEST OFFICE OUTLET: Great North American Co., an office supply brokerage. They provide supplies to businesses and sell the surplus at unbelievable bargains.

BEST PRODUCTION: Heifer the cow. Last February, she gave birth to her third set of triplets in the last seven years. Animal researchers at Texas A&M say that the odds of that happening are 7,000,000 to one.



DUCKING OUT: Dallas Mayor Pro Tem Annette Strauss was seen at D/FW airport kissing a 4-foot-tall duck. Mr. Donald Duck of Hollywood, California, then scurried aboard Duck One to continue the 15-city celebration of his 50th birthday.



I COULD DRAW YOU A PICTURE: In a heated discussion over the renovation of the restrooms in the Records Building, County Commissioner Nancy Judy demanded to know “exactly and specifically what is going to occur in those rest-rooms.”



CONGRATULATIONS! ITS A DEMOCRAT! While in labor and on her way to Presbyterian Hospital to give birth to her second child, Karyn Rogers insisted on making a detour to David G. Burnet Elementary School to cast her ballot in the Democratic Senate runoff election.



ASSAULT



WITH A DEADLY ADJECTIVE: In a seminar conducted in University Park last February, area law enforcement officers were trained in the use of “verbal judo’- the ability to disarm a suspect with words.

WITH A SLITHERING REPTILE: Three teen-agers stole 36 cans of beer from a 7-Eleven store on Pipeline Road in Bedford while the store attendant wrestled with a 3-foot garter snake thrown at him by the youths.

BEST PARTY STARTERS: On the day that everyone wears The Green, a couple of die-hard Irishmen, Helen McEvoy and Kevin Shannon, were trying to invent tradition in the form of a real downtown St. Patrick’s Day Parade. Taking a cue from those pillars of Blarneydom, Chicago and New York-the party was replete with green carnations, an 86-year-old Catholic priest and lots of foot-stompin’ musical fare. The only rain on their parade fell from the sky.

IS THE CITY OVER A BARREL? A few hours after the Citizens/Police Relations Board urged the City Council to ban the sale of handguns in the city, the Council voted to give the Dallas Police Department authority to sell confiscated handguns to gun dealers.



BLUES

PURE: B.B. King at Starfest. The King was unsurpassed.

BEST RHYTHM AND: Stevie Ray Vaughn at the Fair Park Bandshell. He kept the crowd on its feet for hours.

WORST ALL AROUND: The controversial blue bands around Palmer Center at the Quorum were so often criticized that they were repainted. The building is now charcoal grey with a red stripe around its fourth floor.

THE GOP BOX (THE COMINGS AND GOINGS OF THE REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION)



WORKING THE FLOOR: At a luncheon with Nancy Reagan at the Loews Anatole Hotel, Joan Rivers said, “I don’t do housework. That’s the fun of being a Republican.”



WELL, UH, ER, I…: Ronald Reagan videotaped a message to be played before the 1,700 people at this year’s Cattle Baron’s Ball cancer benefit. But when the tape began, Reagan welcomed everyone to the Washington Charity Dinner of ’84. Officials said there was a mix-up in tapes, but the audience still laughed when Reagan greeted Charlton Heston and Bob Hope-neither of whom were in attendance.



MOST TELLING COMMENT ON DALLAS: Syndicated columnist Robert Novak, “I think Dallas is a wonderful city for the convention. I think it’s a solid Republican city. Not a lot of crazies walking through the streets. Very few transvestites. Lots of tax shelters to keep you warm.”



INDICATION OF JUST HOW ABSOLUTELYDRAMATIC THE RNC WAS



GOOD: Danny Robinson, a five-year veteran of the Dallas police force, was suspended without pay for 5 days because, out of boredom, he wandered away from his post during the convention.

BETTER: Not once did the networks carrying the convention attract more Dallas viewers than the independent stations carrying old movies.

BEST: On the last day the platform committee met, a resolution was passed commending the delegates of the Foreign Relations subcommittee. Then a resolution was passed “to commend everyone who had not been commended.” Upon the unanimous affirmation of this resolution, the entire committee stood and gave itself a standing ovation.



PROTEST GROUP



BEST: The Ladies Against Women. Wearing uniforms of pink chiffon, pearls, white gloves and frilly aprons, these protestors showed up during the convention carrying signs like “Tupper-ware Preserves the Family,” “Ban Ms. not MX!” and “Make America a Man Again.”

WORST: A group of Yippies staged a re-enactment of the Kennedy assassination.



BEST WEATHER VEINS: On a day during the convention when the temperature at Love Field was 108 degrees, Wayne Anthony Rose of Anchorage, Alaska, was quoted as saying: “I get shorter and smaller every day. Every day I take up a notch in my belt because the ice in my veins is melting. I figured when I died, I’d go to a hot place, but I never figured I’d get here so soon.”



MAD HATTERS: The controversy between Stetson and Resistol reached the brim over just which one was the official Republican hat when The Dallas Morning News reported that the official Stetson is made of beaver felt and sells for $144.50. The official Resistol is made of straw and sells for $35.



ONE LINER: At the NCPAC party during the GOP convention, commenting on the air-conditioned tent for 5,000, Bob Hope said, “And who says the Republicans don’t care about the environment?”



WE’RE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL: Larry (J.R.) Hagman said on the Today Show, “The image of Dallas before was that of the assassination. . .and I’ve had people thank me for changing the image of the city.”

BEST PIZZA: Dallas’ Upper Crust. This small, grungy-looking place on Cedar Springs is what a pizzeria should be. The crust is thick without being chewy, and the sauce is just right, not too sweet.



WORST DIET: The Norwel Centers’ guaranteed weight-loss plan. According to a physician interviewed for Channel 8’s investigative report, you might lose more than your weight.



DIGGING UP CUSTOMERS: Although Henry David Thoreau has been dead for 122 years, that hasn’t affected his credit rating. The dead philosopher has been sent, among others, a Neiman-Marcus credit card.



THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING VANCE:The Dallas Morning News published the wrong photo to accompany a story about former Rockwall County Sheriff John M. Vance, who began serving a one-year prison term in March for beating a teenage car theft suspect. The erroneous photo was of John L. Vance, the Democratic candidate for Dallas sheriff.



BEST BUST: A “speed trap roundup” conducted on April 10, the culmination of a 3-month investigation by the Dallas Police Department and the Texas Department of Public Safety, netted 45 amphetamine dealers in Dallas and Collin counties. By the end of the year, most of the investigation’s 107 suspects had been apprehended.



TRUTH IS THE BEST DEFENSE: When the City of Garland made a fuss over the Eastgate Cinema’s showing of “unwholesome” movies, the theater proprietor responded: “I don’t know what the fuss is about. We don’t go over X.”



BEST RUSH-HOUR RELIEF: All Things Considered on KERA 90FM. This interesting radio news magazine offers consistently fine distraction from stifling traffic.



DON’T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT: When David Rockefeller was in town to speak about the Arts Magnet schools he stopped by Neiman-Marcus to buy a Mother’s Day present for his wife, but he didn’t have proper identification. N-M wouldn’t accept his check.

PRETENTIOUS BUMPER STICKERS: “Ask Me About My Baby Grand!” “Happiness is a Positive Cash Flow”

BAD TASTE: The “Memories of President John F. Kennedy Tour” offered by Personal Tour Service retraced the presidential motorcade, including a visit to the emergency entrance of Parkland Hospital, where Kennedy was taken.

PERFECT GAME, LOUSY CROWD: The best performance ever by a baseball team in Arlington Stadium came with only 8,375 fans in attendance. The California Angels’ Mike Witt pitched a perfect game against the Rangers on the last day of the regular season.

BEST LICENSE PLATE: “I SU 4U” seen on a BMW in the Park Cities.

WHY BOTHER? The multimillion-dollar restoration of the Southland Life Building and the Sheraton Hotel. The inside is beautiful, but the trouble is that this beauty resides inside a shell that could have stood revamping too.



YOU GET WHAT YOU PAID FOR: The Starck Club has a $10 cover charge, but offers no entertainment-unless you count people-watching, and that’s probably worth the money.



GET ME TO THE CHURCH OR ELSE: A 43-year-old Houston woman stole a police squad car from the basement of the Dallas Police Department headquarters and drove to the St. Andrew’s Episcopal Church in Fort Worth where she attended services.



BOTTOM LINE



BEST: American Airlines, which took a $28.1-million loss in 1983 and turned it into a $60.3 million profit in 1984.

WORST: Interfirst Bank, which floated so many bad oil loans it almost dug its own Town Lake.

WORST TEXAS-STYLE CATERING OF A CHI-CHI AFFAIR: The catered meals at the boxes during the three-day Grand Prix. “Breakfast” consisted of greasy glazed doughnuts. “Lunch” was a tray assortment of sliced American cheese, bologna and other luncheon meats, and the “afternoon snack” consisted of pretzel sticks, cheese doo-dads and Goldfish. And these were the $10,000 boxes.



NEW BUILDING ON CENTRAL



BEST: The graceful Eighty-Eighty Central, built by Criswell Development. We like it for its own sake, but we like it even more for blocking the view of Campbell Centre all the way from downtown to Lovers Lane.

WORST: What’s black and red and shaped like a hot dog? 5401 Central, the home of Ellen Terry Realtors.



FISH STORY

BAD: John and Archie Wade, lost $50,000 they’d won at the 1983 Camp Texarkana Bass Open when it was learned the 10-and 12-pound bass they allegedly caught were smuggled to Texas for the fishing tournament.

WORSE: The Dallas police reported that someone went out to a pond owned by Maurice Smith and stole all of the catfish-an estimated 9,000 pounds. “I knew people would probably fish in it and catch enough for a meal,” Smith said, “but I didn’t think somebody would take them all.”

QUICKEST DISAPPEARANCE: Chris Ped-die made his debut on July 31 as the replacement for Channel 4 anchorman Moody. It was his only appearance. Two days later, anchor Clarice Tinsley told viewers that Peddie had quit because he had a “severe allergic reaction” to Dallas.



BEST THING HOUSTON DID FOR DALLAS: Took Chip Moody.



BEST MIXED METAPHOR: A Dallas Times Herald headline of September 15: “Chinese Cultures Weave Wedge Between Past, Present.” Must use some pretty tough yarn.



BEST WEATHERMAN: Adweek summed up our feelings about Channel 8 weatherman Troy Dungan. “He can’t match the authoritativeness of Harold Taft, but Dungan manages to make the weather sound more interesting than it is.”



IDEA TO PROMOTE TOURISM



BEST: Dallas developer Terry Trippet bought Southfork and plans to turn it into a very exclusive overnight facility with luxury bedrooms and gourmet dining areas. He also plans to build a ballroom for conventions and private parties.

WORST: The Ku Klux Klan filed suit in a Dallas federal court in August to force Greenville to rent a city-owned facility to it for a political rally and showing of the movie “The Birth of a Nation.”

GET ME TO THE DAIRY SECTION ON TIME: Love struck at the Tom Thumb store on North Central at Meadow Lane when Mark Strauss scooped up a carton of eggs dropped by fellow shopper Sharon Little. The two shoppers were married last Valentine’s Day at the store.



BAIT AND SWITCH

BEST: Ronald Albert Lasteed was indicted by a federal grand jury for allegedly attempting to bilk a Dallas oilman out of $10 million to finance the development of a formula to make automobiles run on water.

WORST: To promote a new project of a local development company, Trudy O’Reilly of O’Reilly Advertising sent dollar bills to a number of local public officials along with an unsigned note: “There’s more where this came from.” When advised that the gesture was legally inappropriate, O’Reilly said that she was just having a little fun, but that she would not do it again.

SWITCH AND BAIT

WORST: Phil Gramm opened his Senate race against Lloyd Doggett by declaring that he wanted a clean, issues-oriented campaign. Then he went on to accuse Doggett of being a gay-rights candidate who raised campaign funds through strip shows in homosexual clubs.

BOOKSTORE

BEST USED: Half Price Books on Mockingbird. You’ve got to find it yourself, but it’s probably here if it’s in print. This store is especially strong in classics.

BEST RARE: Booked Up on Worthington near the Quadrangle.

BEST NEW ADDITION: Rizzoli. Very pretty and relentlessly praised with good reason. It is brilliantly stocked with paperback classics, cookbooks, wonderful art and travel books. It also has a large inventory of beautiful volumes bought with more than a mass market in mind.

BEST GENERAL: Century. From Stephen King to Kierkegaard, this store is.stocked. Great magazine selection, too. If they don’t have what you want they’ll order it.



RUNNING AMOK



ON FOUR LEGS: A horse belonging to gambler Amarillo Slim Preston was auctioned for $1,300 at the Casa Manana Theater in Fort Worth. Appearing upset, the horse bolted off the stage as she was being led away, charged through the auditorium, and caused $15,000 damage to the seats.

ON TWO LEGS: Confetti’s “Battle of the Bizarre.” This contest has encouraged contestants to run over each other with motorcycles and eat cotton balls coated with dog food and whipped cream.

IN A SHELL: The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals tried to stop an armadillo race during a GOP party held at Fair Park, claiming that racing armadillos can cause them to have heart attacks. One armadillo owner said, “They’re my babies. I’m their grandma. They were born at my house.” The race went on.



EDITORIAL COMMENT



BEST: The Dallas Times Herald’s new, more aggressive columns by John Bloom and the continued acuity of Jim Schutze and Molly Ivins.

WORST: The Herald’s weekly “Community Close-Up” featuring the soporific Steve Knickmeyer.

BEST MAVERICK: Mark Aguirre has matured into a legitimate all-star.



WORST FILLER: The local television Channel 39 show called Guilty or Innocent, hosted by superlawyer Melvin Bell, in which contestants make a game out of deciding the fate of criminals.



BEST WAY TO AVOID THE INQUIRING PRESS: French racer Alain Prost to the local media: “I don’t want to speak English, okay?”



BEST OPENING: The new Dallas Museum of Art opened with no speeches and no visits from dignitaries. The ribbon was cut by Jeff Jones, the five-year-old son of Cathy Jones, a museum bookkeeper.



BARBER-IC



AW, C’MON: In a promotional scam even ridiculed by the staff of his own station, Andy Barber, KAFM’s morning drive-time DJ, announced that he had been fired because he had made some disparaging remarks about Nick Rhodes, lead singer of rock group Duran Duran. Then it was announced that if the station got 10,000 letters asking that Barber be rehired, he would be allowed to come back. Soon, Barber returned.

TUBS OF FUN: During morning drive time on August 6, Andy Barber put this question to his listeners: “Should fat people be allowed into water parks?” Barber claimed that a fat person had slid into him at White Water the previous Sunday and had given him a minor concussion.



NEWS FOR COMMUTERS

BEST. The new Channel 33 7 o’clock News, with Quin Matthews as anchorman. Dan Rather he’s not, but it’s refreshing that someone finally broke out of the 6 p.m. news mold.

WORST: A study pubished September 13 in The Dallas Morning News, laid it on the line for commuters: Traffic isn’t going to get better for some 20 years. Now why aren’t we surprised?



AIR WAVES

BEST: KRQX, Dallas’ first AM stereo station, plays hit after golden-oldie hit.

WORST: Along about September, KTKS (106) and KEGL (97) changed their formats to Top-10 or-20 to compete with market hog KAFM (92.5). Now radio button-pushers can hear the same 10 or 15 songs on not one, but three stations! So much for variety.

BEST RADIO SPORTS SHOW: Norm Hitzges on KERA-FM on Friday mornings. For eight consecutive years, the best talk show in town.

BEST NEWSCASTER/COMEDIAN: Gerry Oher of Channel 8 with his wacky take-offs of movies such as E. T. and Ghost-busters-“Sportsbusters!”



Channel 4’s revolving anchor chair. As a guessing-game show, it’s better than Family Feud.



BEST LARGESSE: Lester Melnick and W.O. Bankston bought 2,778 playoff tickets for the Cowboys vs. Rams game, allowing underprivileged children to attend the game and allowing us to see it on TV.



BEST ONE-SIDED VIEW: At the Femmes du Monde benefit for the Dallas Council on World Affairs at the Adolphus Hotel, a model showing one of Paul Louis Orrier’s creations appeared even racier than the designer intended. The neckline of the outfit, which plunged clear to the model’s waist, suddenly and unfortunately deviated to the left during her runway promenade. The model coolly ignored the situation until she was well off-stage.



IF IT HAD BEEN A MONET IT WOULD HAVE BITTEN YOU: When they noticed a 5-foot long copperhead snake outside the 500X Gallery downtown, several chic gallery goers queried: “Is it art?”



BEST HABIT: Sister Andrea Lacosta, a registered nurse at St. Paul Hospital, began running to lose weight and became, she said, more spiritually fit.



TIMING

BEST. Highland Park swimmers Bruce Hays and Mike Heath, who both won Olympic gold medals in the 800 meter free style relay and broke the world record by 3 seconds.

WORST: The young woman who started to go into labor at the county courthouse just minutes before she and her boyfriend could get their marriage license.

WORST THEFT: Nearly all of the Braille signs posted at the Dallas Civic Garden Center’s herb and scent garden for the sightless have disappeared.



OK, SWEETHEART, TAKE IT PROM THE TOP: A camera was installed at the Lew Sterrett Justice Center to videotape suspects arrested for drunk driving. Some suspects have been given a script and asked to read a brief story on Texas history. Sgt, Ira Scott of the Dallas Police Department predicts the new procedure will be far more effective than the old method of asking suspects to walk a straight line. “Drunks practice that stuff,” he said.



SURPRISE



BEST: The fine performance by sixth-round draft choice Eugene “Mean Gene the Hitting Machine” Lockhart the Cowboys’ middle line backer.

WORST: Bill Martin, venerable owner of the now-defunct TV Bar on the corner of Elm and Harwood, was sure that the rejuvenation of the Majestic Theater would save his sagging business, but instead the opening proved to be the bar’s downfall. The disgusted bar operator said that the upscale theater patrons are “afraid they’ll get fleas on their tuxedos.”



BEST COCKTAIL WAITRESS: Beverly at Café Dallas. Not only does she remember your poison and see that your glass is never empty, she’s an attentive conversationalist on topics ranging from football to child support.

RESTROOMS



WORST: Starck Club. Three stalls for the boys, three for the girls, long lines and suspicious delays.

BEST: Starck Club. The boys can use the girls’, the girls can use the boys-that is, if you can distinguish the boys’ from the girls’.

WORST DELUSION OF GRANDEUR: CityCouncilman Jim Hart’s contention that heonce shot a robber in the midst of acrime. It was later revealed that he neverdid any such thing.

PLANNING

WORST: The newly constructed boxes atArlington Stadium are just great exceptfor one thing: You can’t see home plate.

EVEN WORSE: The Mavericks’ failure toproperly prepare the basketball court foran NBA exhibition game with Philadelphia. When the players began slidingaround on the floor, arena staff memberstried to clean it with soap and rubbingalcohol, but to no avail. Almost one hourlater, the game was called-at a loss of$150,000 in refunds.

LOVE STORY

LOVE MEANS: Two Garland sisters plotted to rub out their husbands by paying an undercover policeman money to kill them.

NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU’RE SORRY: Their husbands want them back. One of them, Frank Scrivano, said: “I don’t want to see my wife go to prison. I want her home with me.”

EXCEPT TO THE DOG:Garland residentLawayne Watts Bancker, arrested for trying to hire a hit man to kill her husband,had instructed the hit man to put the dogin the bedroom before he killed her husband because “I don’t want [the dog]hurt.”

TAKEOUT

MOBILE MEXICAN: The trick here is they take you out. Need a ride to dinner? La Botica will send its bright yellow, balloon-decked van to pick you up if you can convince at least 10 of your friends to join you for Tex-Mex at this drugstore-turned-restaurant at 1900 N. Haskell. This family-run operation offers unusually good renditions of the usual Mexican fare: enchiladas, quesadilles, and fajitas. are served, as well as some original family recipes.

CHINESE: Wok and Roll. Wait for any one of a dozen dinners priced under $5 and enjoy the never-ending rock music.

CHICKEN: Bojangles, Oak Cliff. A spicey batter that may be better than Bubba’s.



ART WORLD



BEST NEWS: Last spring’s announcement by the Dallas Museum of Art that it would acquire the Wendy and Emery Reves Collection from France. The set of Impressionist and Modern paintings and other art objects will almost double the value of the museum’s entire permanent collection.

WORST NEWS: The slashing of the Bon-nard painting.

LATE NEWS: The Kimbell Museum discovered that one of its most popular exhibits-the Romanesque apse-was a fraudulent copy. When the apse was purchased in the Seventies, it was considered one of the museum’s better purchases.



LEMONADE



FREE REFILLS: The Stoneleigh P.

BEST: Chip’s.



THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD



BEST: Deep Ellum. Zoning restrictions and a communal spirit may allow the loftiest dreams for Deep Ellum to come true.

WORST: Turtle Creek, which, at the current rate, is headed for death as a concrete slab.

HISTORY: Buckingham-When two Dallas development companies came along dangling big bucks and big plans for a “new city,” homeowners who had lived there for years picked up and moved away.

WHERE’S THE BEACH? Dallas’ own Knotts Landing is at Fitzhugh and Central. Is this pool hall the real home of Gary and Abby Ewing?