10 COMMANDMENTS

1. Thou shalt call the maitre d’ by his firstname, and return often to any dining shrinewhere you are addressed by your firstname.

2. Thou shalt remember the lunch hour(with its lower-priced menu) and keep it holy.

3. Thou shalt defer to the sommelier inchoices of vintage and variety, when indoubt of your wine facts, lest thou be labeled a connoisseur of Thunderbird.

4. Thou shalt order the speckled trout withcapers in a sherry sauce by saying only “I’llhave the fish.”

5. Thou shalt not kill digestion with talk ofprices, but beware of “ladies’” menuswhere prices are conspicuously absent.

6. Thou shalt deduct five percent from awaiter’s tip if he sighs more than threetimes when you ask him to repeat the daily specials.

7. Thou shalt not steal clever remarks abouta restaurant from published critics lest thoube exposed.

8. Thou shalt not be afraid to ask the priceof the plat du jour.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness to thesplendor of the decor. (Play it cool.)

10. Thou shalt not attempt to requesttagliatelle verde alla funghetto in the nativetongue, unless you can claim college creditfor at least two years of Italian.