SANTA BEFORE THANKSGIVING

Christmas trees after January 1

Brenda Lee’s Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree

75 degrees Fahrenheit

Christmas Muzak in elevators

K-Tel record ads

Ronco ads

Ads

Light-up plastic Santas

Light-up plastic Santas on the lawn

Plastic snow underneath light-up

plastic Santas on the lawn

Toys that say “Some assembly required”

Toys that say “Batteries not included”

Toys that don’t say “Batteries not included,” but that require them

Toys with batteries, period

Fake birds making fake bird noises in fake Christmas trees

Christmas cards without so much as a signature

People who tell you the number of shopping days left

People who tell you the number of shopping days left because they’ve finished

People who finish

Plastic garland

Plastic mistletoe

Cabbage Patch dolls

Fruitcake