BREAKFAST IN BED…

Last Valentine’s Day, I looked full into the steel-gray eyes of the man I love and handed him a thick-woven pair of basic black socks. He was delighted. A couple of years before, I had worked for days on his valentine gift, driving all over town to collect a silly assortment of gifts celebrating our upcoming trip to London: English Leather and British Sterling cologne, English muffins, some British snuff and a Shetland wool sweater. I wrapped each gift in pages of the London Times and baked a heart-shaped cake to top it all off.

He was still licking the pink icing off his fingers when he handed me the Walden-books sack that contained my gifts: a book on the miracles of cellular biology and a yellow ceramic tea ball I’d helped him buy “for his sister.”

The tears and stony silence that followed tipped him off that I was a little disappointed. I’d put a lot of time and love into his gift and -liberated or not -I had trouble accepting the fact that the man who was promising me a lifetime of marital bliss was courting me with a book that devotes an entire chapter to the digestive tract of the snail. I pocketed my tea ball and stormed out of his apartment.

Not wanting to allow me the glamour of a dramatic exit, my love ran down the sidewalk after me, asking why I always went to so much trouble to buy him impractical presents. What was he going to do with two bottles of cologne I knew he didn’t like, and why wouldn’t I at least look at a book he thought I would find fascinating?

A dozen or so roses later, we reconciled, and a year later, we married. He was right in one respect: The book was okay. But the tea ball will stay in the bottom drawer of our nightstand -I will never forget how embarrassed and hurt I was that day. Since then we’ve become considerably more adept at gift-giving -I know he really means it when he asks for bicycle mud flaps for Christmas. And he knows I couldn’t be more stereotypically female when it comes to Valentine’s Day. I want romance, originality, lots of thought and maybe even a surprise.

Finding the appropriate gift is still a tough order for my pragmatic mate, and it’s much more difficult to fulfill than a request for mud flaps. So, in the interest of practicality, I’m dedicating this piece to him, and to all those others, male and female, who find themselves in the same boat -in love with a dreamer they’d really like to please, but with no idea how. Consider these fantasy gifts and see what you can come up with on your own for your favorite irrational, impractical (spoiled rotten?) valentine.



CHOCOLATES



Quite a few of my fantasies involve chocolate. But those cellophane-wrapped hearts of dime-store chocolate aren’t what I have in mind, and I can take or leave the fancy so-called designer chocolates. Two companies around town – Neuhaus Chocolate Shop in NorthPark and The Sweet Shop in Fort Worth -mold or dip candies that taste better than any others I’ve tasted. And Kron Chocolatier (21 Highland Park Village) keeps adding to its clever line of novelty candies – champagne bottles, legs, telephones, records (with your private label) and greeting cards. The Sweet Shop’s chocolate is hand-dipped in its Fort Worth factory by 117 women, several of whom have been dipping chocolate for more than 40 years. The Sweet Shop uses no preservatives; the owners insist that it’s the preservatives that make most sweets so fattening. The Sweet Shop is the house chocolate for Neiman-Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue; it’s also available at Candiezo in Galleria (387-2157).



CARDS



Valentine’s may be the day that the axiom “absence makes the heart grow fonder” came to be. For those who won’t be spending the day rocking in their sweet baby’s arms, consider another tradition with a twist: Send a card, but not one of the generic variety. There are many creative options this year:

Arresta (3900 Cedar Springs, 528-3380, and 1530 Main, 741-7090) will have local artist Judy Barnes in each store customizing cards at scheduled times. Calligrapher Elissa Sabel will customize cards at Write Angles (424 Sakowitz Village, 960-0802) for 25 cents per word.

If you’d like to personalize your card in a different way, Arresta will have several props in each of its stores -pose with the moon while a photographer makes a Polaroid greeting card.

Once your card is ready to go, stamped and addressed, put it in another envelope and address that one to Postmaster, Love-land, Colo., 80537. He’ll give your envelope the appropriate “Loveland” postmark and stamp it with a four-line poem explaining that this greeting comes by way of “Loveland, Cupid’s Rocky Mountain shrine.”

If poetry is your bag, the sonneteer on contract at Arresta will compose 14 lines in the classical form especially for your loved one. Personalized sonnets are $100, and satisfaction is guaranteed. Orders must be placed by February 7.



JEWELS



Jewels are another time-honored gift, and we can hardly make any new suggestions on such a fine theme. This may be the only no-miss category in the group. For an all-out valentine bauble, consider a heart-shaped emerald or pav坢 diamond ring or a watch with a heart-shaped coral face at Fred Joaillier (in Galleria, 458-9012). What could be more romantic?



PICNICS



February is usually a pretty bleak month for frolicking in the park, and if that’s the case, you might want to move indoors with this one. But The Winery has put together a delightful valentine picnic for two for $25. It includes French almond cheese with fresh fruit and vegetable crudite, marinated breast of chicken, French white-bean salad, trattoria eggs, croissants, heart-shaped petit fours and a bottle of French sparkling wine. The meal comes packaged with wine glasses, silverware and fresh flowers.



MASSAGES



You might step out for a heart-shaped Schlotsky’s sandwich on Valentine’s Day (place your order by February 12), but your little dumpling just might prefer a massage. Alice Hughes (948-3233) makes house calls and will do body wraps, manicures and pedicures. Walter Budd (373-1892) has soothed the sore muscles of such luminaries as Linda Gray, Larry Hagman and Stanley Marcus, and he’ll bring his own table, towels and oil to your home.



PERFUME



Perfume makes a fine valentine, but it can be ho-hum if you don’t choose carefully. Dans un Jardin (Galleria, 392-0562) will custom-mix a “signature scent” for your one-in-a million. Buy her a gift certificate so she can decide exactly what Ablend of scents she likes best among Orien-tal cypress, lavender, violet, cut hay, man-darin orange – to name a few. Once her perfume’s formula is on file, it will be given a number; no other customer will receive the same mix in the same proportions. Her scent will be one-of-a-kind and if you like, a similar scent can be mixed in a burning oil for her home.



FLOWERS



A dozen roses is the impractical gift that our society’s practical community is most accepting of; roses are an almost unavoidable extravagance for even the most budget-minded Romeos. But the flowers’ beauty is as fleeting as a dozen is expensive (from $45 to $95), and even we dreamers prefer gifts with a little more staying power.

If you’re ready for a change, call Chow Catering (5621 W. Lovers Lane, 352-3390). They’ll wrap and box a dozen long-stemmed chocolate-covered strawberries ($25); long-stemmed, de-thorned, chocolate-chip cookies ($20); or pink sugar cookies ($20).

Flowers, Flowers, Flowers (4108 Lem-mon, 522-5091) has some beautiful arrangements in heart-shaped baskets. Herbs are woven into the baskets, and an assortment of tulips fills half the heart.

Lipstick plants and heart-shaped philo-dendrons make interesting Valentine’s gifts and, if your sentiments are so inclined, so do bleeding-heart plants (although they’re hard to grow in this area). Weeping cherry trees and pink-flowering crab apple trees are romantic gifts; they’re available at Dallas Nurseries Garden Center (12501 Preston, 239-1331).

MUSIC



If you’d like to jazz up that picnic or perhaps a catered dinner at home, hire a string quartet or a full-blown orchestra. At Central Casting (2522 McKinney, 747-9933), prices range from $750 to $3,000.



LINGERIE



Racy lingerie is as popular a gift idea for Valentine’s as roses, though only in recent years has it come out of the closet. The place that out-Frederick’s Frederick’s is Spotlite Lingerie (4502 Central, 823-6037); it has a full line of red, red nighties and G-strings decorated with tiny red hearts. Cora Gables, (606 Sakowitz Village, 392-0513) offers many elegant gowns and robes for ladies, but she doesn’t neglect valentines of the masculine variety. She has some lovely, heavy silk kimonos for men. The wraparound robes come in one size to fit all. Matching silk boxer shorts and pajama pants suitable for lounging are also available in blueberry, gold, white and black.



NEW ORLEANS

Or why not stage a night in New Orleans? It could go something like this: Pick him or her up at work a little before noon on Monday the 14th. (We’re assuming that any boss would understand. ) Have a chartered private plane waiting to take off from Love Field (Kitty Hawk Aviation, 350-4628, will fly you round-trip for as little as $2, 412).

Arrive at New Orleans’ Lake Front Airport at approximately 1 p. m. Take a London Livery Rolls Royce (524-7496) in order to get to Mother’s (410 Polydras) by its 2 p. m. closing time for a Barq’s Root Beer and a Ferdi Special (roast beef and ham on a poor-boy bun). Then take a tour of the French Quarter before taking your reserved seat in the bleachers to watch the Krewe of Proteus parade begin at 7 p. m. But the 14th isn’t just Valentine’s Day, it’s also the eve of Mardi Gras, and New Orleans is hopping.

If you want a dressy evening, make reservations several days ahead for Commander’s Palace Restaurant in the Garden District (1403 Washington, 899-8221). After dinner, venture on a horse-and-buggy ride through the French Quarter and end up for a show at Al Hirt’s Club (501 Bourbon St., 525-6167). After the curtain falls at Al’s place, you can dance until dawn in the Hilton’s Rainforest (2 Polydras, 561-0500).

End your evening with caf坢 au lait and beignets at Caf坢 du Monde (800 Decatur, 561-9235) before the limo whisks you back to the airport. (If you choose, Conventions a la Carte can make the above arrangements for you. Write Patty Habeeb, 301 Camp, New Orleans, La. 70130. 504-529-2121.)



BOOKS



A collection of love literature might make a spicy gift for both of you. Try reading aloud such sexy classics as Story of Oby Pauline Reage; My Life and Loves by Frank Harris; or a boxed, four-paperback set entitled Love Victorian Style, which includes Suburban Souls and A Man with a Maid, both anonymous.



WINE



Wine goes well with almost any occasion, and certainly Cupid has never turned down help from his Greek buddy, Bacchus. Try cajoling your valentine with a bottle of Louis Roederer Cristal, a rare ros坢 champagne available at The Winery (2404 Cedar Springs, 749-0250). Or why not buy your valentine a case of the best wine produced the year you met or were married?

We doubt it was a Valentine gift, but someone with a great deal of affection for city father John Stemmons (his son-in-law) gave him a clever gift you might want to copy: a personalized set of labels for all the bottles in his bar. P-M Press (2828 Howell, 827-5354) can help you come up with a label that’s just right for your valentine’s bottles.



CATERING



Breakfast in bed would make most people happy any day, but it would be a particularly good way to begin that second cold Monday in February. Chow Catering will see to it that your sweet pea is served a continental breakfast or a caviar omelet on a bamboo tray adorned with fresh flowers.