Christmas GIFT GUIDE

Mouth-breathing, glassy-eyed Christmas shoppers move heavily, silently from store to store, mall to mall. Their burden, though self-imposed, is staggering: “Something original. What can we get that’s original, that he’ll really like?”

But stores close; stomachs growl; determination wanes. And on yet another Christmas morning Uncle Georgie will open a handsome, reusable decanter of hard candy. Sure, you could have gotten him something different; he might have really gotten off on that Sony Walkman you saw on sale, but all he ever asks for is hard candy. It’s no wonder the man has no teeth.

Seasonal fits of indecisiveness are no newer than allergies to evergreens or post-pumpkin pie guilt trips. Sometimes the moods descend and then pass quickly, with the divinely inspired purchase of an antique gum machine to house old Georgie’s sourballs. Other times, indecisiveness and formless gift lists linger until dusky Christmas Eve, putting a real damper on hall-decking.

We know you have better, happier ways to spend your Christmas season than roaming crowded stores in bloodshot clouds of uncertainty. And as our gift to you – knowing you’ve never been fond of sourballs – we’ve compiled, once again, our best Christmas gift-giving ideas. Try giving something original-if only to yourself. And most of all, enjoy. ’Tis the season!