Travel SHIPBOARD ROMANCE

“… sea life is charged with indestructible charm. There is no weariness, no fatigue, no worry, no responsibility, no work, no depression of spirits. There is nothing . . . like this serenity, this comfort, this peace, this deep contentment to be found anywhere on land. If I had my way I would sail on forever …”

– Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad



On every sea voyage is a Special Passenger who knows how to talk Sea. Sea is a nautical language. Sailors talk Sea all the time, but they don’t expect civilians to do it. The Special Passenger does. He will say things like: “I stowed my gear and came topside.” He calls his wife his “first mate” and speaks of mizzens and packets and poop decks and demands you say “ship,” not “boat.” He will correct your every verbal error.

Ignore him.

I will tell you how hidebound this sea language really is. which is not very. Once 1 crossed from Copenhagen to Oslo on an overnight ferry. It was a fine old ship with an even finer old captain, a chatty compact man with a lifetime served on every ocean and sea. I spent the evening with him on the bridge. At night ship bridges are darkened, illuminated only by the panels and dials of the electronic gadgetry that runs all ships today. He explained the fancy space-age doodads.

At one point I asked. “What happens if you have to change course slightly? Do you give an order like ’Port your helm’ or Right rudder’ or something?”

He smiled. “Port your helm?” he exclaimed. “No, I just say. ’Turn left.’ “

Forget what you believe about ships. Except for shape and the lingering legacy of elegance, modern cruise ships have very little in common with the good old days.

Some facts and figures: Of well over 200 passenger-carrying ships around the world, at least 80 regularly serve the North American market. These ships made over 1000 departures last year, and served over 1 million people, who averaged at-sea vacations of seven days. Average passage cost was between $600 and $875. depending upon the ship, cabin location, season and other variables, with per diem costs ranging from $80 to $125. You can pay more, of course- the Queen Anne Trafalgar Suite on the Queen Elizabeth II’s 90-day cruise to the Orient will run you a cool $150,000. Correspondingly, per diem rates of $40 and less are not uncommon.

What’s more, says the International Passenger Ship Association of New York, 50 percent of all sea vacationers were so pleased with what they did on holiday they said they would cruise again at the first opportunity – probably the highest satisfaction rate in the entire travel industry. In the cases of some individual ships and ship lines, satisfaction ran as high as 90 percent.

Today’s ship cabins generally have full bathroom facilities (either shower or tub – and sometimes both), are air-conditioned, provide from one to three radio channels of music and often TV, feature large closets and wall-to-wall carpeting.

Cabins are the prime factor in cruise pricing. In fact, a good rule of thumb is that cabin plus season equals fare. Minimum-priced cabins go first (almost instantly, it seems). Cabin prices vary with location in the ship, height above the water-line, number of portholes (or windows), types of beds, type of bathroom facility, and nearness to public areas. Most expensive accommodations are midship and high above everything, like penthouse suites in hotels.

The holiday periods of Christmas, New Year’s, and Easter, closely followed by the cold-weather months of February and March, are the most popular cruising times. Most expensive, too. Spring and early summer and fall are low seasons. Mid-summer and mid-autumn are moderately priced, moderately popular. Least popular and lowest priced are the latter days of November and early December, when you may occasionally save as much as 50 percent of peak holiday costs.

“Ours was a reasonably comfortable ship, with the customary sea-going fare – plenty of good food furnished by the Deity and cooked by the Devil.”

Ships stuff you. They satiate you. They quench and gorge and glut you. Partially it is tradition, this moveable feast. Mostly, however, sagging ship tables exist for a more practical reason: Shuffle-board, bridge tournaments, even dancing under the stars are not the stuff of memories. A passenger may forget he made five no-trump to salvage third place and a tourney ribbon, but he does not dismiss from his mind armies of waiters parading with blazing baked Alaska.

Look at this chef’s suggestion (from a dinner menu of Royal Caribbean’s Song of Norway): Stewed Mushrooms Riviera; Cold Gazpacho Andaluz; Paella of Chicken and Shellfish, Valenciana; Buttered Limas Forestiere; Pommes de Terre Duchesse; Boston Mimosa With Russian Dressing; Norwegian Primula With Crackers; Swan Chantilly; and a bottle of chilled Chablis.

Every ship afloat gives five eating opportunities – three major meals, a sea version of English high tea, and midnight buffet which invariably begins at 11 p.m. Other ships raise the eating marathon ante to seven with such add-on events as sunrise coffee and rolls, Continental breakfasts on deck, pre- and post-luncheon sandwich bars, cookouts around the swimming pool.

Continental is the style of cooking on ships, but one need not be addicted to fried eggplant to survive. Chefs are smart. 1 have never seen a ship menu that did not provide beef and potatoes in almost plain language. The chef may tout his glazed Medaillon of Milk-Fed Veal Or-loff, but he offers an alternative broiled New York cut sirloin steak with baked potato.

“One is often surprised at the juvenilities which grown people indulge in at sea . . . and the consuming enjoyment they get out of them.”

On ships people do things they would not consider doing on dry land – and absolutely tickle themselves giggly doing them. A ship keeps its passengers busy. A ship may be the last place on earth where you get more than your money’s and energy’s worth.

But. . . there is only one thing you are required to do: You must go to the lifeboat drill: that’s an international law. Everything else you may, if you wish, avoid, ignore, and dismiss from your mind.

Few passengers, however, do nothing. There are enough varied events to hit the interest of everybody.

What to do aboard ship? A Holland America schedule (for a Thursday) showed an exercise class, French lesson, current Hollywood movie in the theater, a golf esson, bridge lecture, filmed horse races, inter-club meeting of Lions, Rotarians, Kiwanis. and Optimists, a travel talk on the next port, lecture on buying stocks and bonds. A Nordic Prince activity sheet says passengers can spend their day exercising, taking dance lessons, playing organized deck games (including basketball), shooting skeet, or driving golf balls off the stern.

That is a sample of daytime activities only. Night is another matter entirely.

Show time: There are big bands and combos, singers, comics, clowns, often jugglers and acrobats, mimics and dance teams, big-name personalities and others with no names yet, sophisticated revues and low burlesque. I have heard Gunnar Hansen”s stylish violin in Vistafjord’s main lounge, and 70-year-old Willie Humphries’ clarinet wailing blues on the Delta Queen. There have been Metropolitan opera tenors, actors and actresses doing Broadway plays, jazz, country/ western, pop and rock music, all in differing degrees of quality but none so tedious it sent me off to stalk the decks in boredom.

A new game is being played on the high seas. It’s called theme or special interest cruising, and it is the growing thing.

For the Rotterdam it was a cruise of jazz with such performers as Sarah Vaughan, Count Basie, and Joe Williams. Holland America has produced several jazz cruises, and classical music cruises with performers like Tenor Jan Peerce and the Tokyo Quartet, and a Theater-at-Sea with Cyril Ritchard, Lillian Gish, Tammy Grimes, and others.

There have been cruises for pro-football fans, for chess and bird-watching addicts, for students studying at sea and overweights wanting something less and science fiction buffs and singles, not to mention singles and doubles for those hung up on tennis – all have cruised away on ships stressing special interests.

At the other end of the scale, however, there is a type of cruise that has no theme and no destination, either: the cruise to nowhere, an aimless sailing around for the sole purpose of non-stop partying – often at bargain rates since the ships that offer cruises to nowhere would probably otherwise be tied up in port, producing no revenue.



Robert Falcon Scott arrived at the South Pole in 1912. It looked like hell frozen over, and he muttered, “Great God, this is an awful place.”

More than a half-century later the first tourists reached the South Pole region. They thought it a splendid place for a vacation. The tourists arrived by ship, the Lindblad Explorer, an exquisite watch-fob cruiser with an icebreaker bow. The first western tourists granted entrance into the Himalayan kingdom of Nepal were passengers of Cunard’s Caronia, pausing in its 1955 round-the-world cruise. In 1974 vacationers off the France and Holland America’s Veendam crossed from Hong Kong to Canton by train, becoming the first pleasure travel groups to enter China in more than 30 years.

That Nepal and the South Pole were reached first by ship passengers is no surprise. The world is running out of first places to go, but ships continue running hither and yon. They go to the Caribbean, easily the most popular cruising region. Mexico’s west coast, South America, Central America, and Alaska continue to be prime cruise destinations. The Mediterranean is the classic cruising ground with the most interesting shore excursions. North Cape and Scandinavia have spectacular scenery.

But listing all cruise possibilities would fill a book (there are such books – and most good travel agents should have one or more on hand to find you that perfect cruise).

Odds and ends and leftover bits and pieces on the world of ships and cruising, much abridged:

TIPPING. Tips are endemic to cruising. Can’t really do without them. But don”t worry, there’s a precise formula to tipping. Rule of thumb, and an old one, is: Tip 10% of your cruise price. Using a hypothetical two-week cruise price of $990, your tips would total about $100. Tip on the average of $ 1.50 to $2 daily per person for your waiter, the same for the cabin steward, 50 cents to 75 cents daily per person for the table steward, 15% of the check for bartenders and wine stewards (a little more, if the check is smallish), and always more for exceptional service or if you have asked for help above and beyond what is normally expected. Tip the chief steward only if he has performed a special chore for you, such as providing a favorite table or changing tables for you in the middle of the cruise.

Some veteran cruisers claim paying half the tip in advance to waiters and room stewards ensures better service. Perhaps. Regardless, tip on the final night at sea for short cruises, every ten days to two weeks on longer ones. Traditionally, tips are handed over in sealed envelopes. Why, I do not know, but it’s done that way.

TRIPPING. You’ve landed in a port and want to find a good beach, away from everything. Ask your waiter or room steward. Experienced crew members long ago staked out excellent facilities for themselves, for the short times they have away from the ship. Too, they may have scouted out untouristy shops and side-street restaurants and good local nightclubs.

TUXING. You needed a tux in 1931, even as late as the early 1960’s, but no more. Today, it’s largely a matter of choice.

At least one cruise line has announced abandonment of all dress codes. I don’t know what that means, except that life aboard those ships will become even more informal, and I’m for that. By the way, first and last evenings aboard are informal. No dress-up at all.

KIDS. Children are welcome on ships. Ships are safe, but very young children should be watched just as at home. Cost policies on children vary from ship to ship. Some ships charge reduced rates for children under 12. Others may allow the child to be a nonpaying guest if under 6. At least one company now offers free passage for children under 16 occupying the same cabin as their parents.

Summer is the best time for children. Then, many ships have counselors aboard to keep the youngsters busy during the day. Babysitting services are offered at night. Older teenagers, of course, need very little supervision. Some ships have special disco clubs and soda bars for them. It’s best to check with your travel agent for the exact policies of the ship you choose.

PAYING UP. Most ships will let you pay for your on-board purchases and charges with a personal check. Some ask you to establish credit in advance. As for credit cards, some ships accept them; some don’t. You’ll be told one way or the other before leaving home.

BEFRIENDING. Meredith Sembler is a ship social hostess. She is dark-haired, slender, and pretty. And she knows a thing or two about making friends on ships. Rule No. 1 is, “Don’t sit in your cabin.” Get out. Do something, anything, be around other passengers. You’ll meet somebody. Rule 2 is, “Stand at the rail.” A ship’s rail, she says, is like a neighborhood bar. People talk to one another at the ship’s rail; be there for your share of the conversation as the ship is pulling out of or into ports. Rule 3 is, if Rules 1 and 2 don’t work, see your nearest social staff member. They’ll introduce you to somebody with similar interests. Women, says Ms. Sembler, are especially comfortable on ships. Back on land a woman may feel apprehensive about going alone into a restaurant or bar, but never on a ship. “”Ships are like small towns,” she explains, “places where everybody can speak to everybody else.”

And while on the matter of sea-going friendships, here is a dialogue taken from a cruise long ago.

An attractive lady, practicing Rule No. 2, was by the rail as we sailed away. Beside her was a handsome man. She opened the conversation.

“Ships are very nautical, don’t you think?” she asked.

“Yes, they are,” he replied.

And they sailed happily ever after.