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BEST & WORST

By D Magazine |

It’s happened to you before. It’s happened to everybody before. There you are, sitting in the little ItalianRestaurant, when your friend looks up from the other side of the table with a satisfied smile on his face. “You know,” he says, “this is the best pizza in this whole town.” “What?” you ask incredulously. “This stuff is cardboard compared to the pizza over at Antonio’s.” “I’ve had Antonio’s pizza,” your friend retorts, “and it doesn’t come close to this.” “You’re out of your mind …”And so it goes to the inevitable point of no resolution.

It happens the other way too. You and your friend are in the grocery store, looking for a good leg of lamb. Your friend looks up disgustedly. “This is the worst meat counter in the whole city.” “Oh no,” you argue. “Not worse than that FoodMart over on Northwest Highway.” “Oh yes,” says your friend, “much worse…” And on and on.

The next eight pages are not designed to settle those arguments. On the contrary.We just want to throw some fuel onthe fire. You might happen to disagree with someof our selections. Fine. Tell us about it. You’re probably wrong, but we’ll look into it. This is the first time we’ve done this but it won’t be the last, so you may yet have your say. There are plenty of other wonders, plenty of other horrors still to be explored. In fact, we had a terrific item ’ on the Worst Mafia Hit Man, but he asked us not to print it. He said if we did, none of us would ever push a pencil again. Which we concludedwas the BestReasonwe’d ever heard.

SHOPPING



BOOKSTORE

Best: The Bookseller, Willowcreek Shopping Center. Parnassus in Dallas. Cozy and friendly, easy library-style browsing, and big old battered armchairs into which you can sink and read at will – from Peanuts to Plato. Sorry, no Swedish films.

Worst: SMU Bookstore. Student Center. If you can find a book here amid the T-shirts, class rings, pennants, posters, and Snoopy dolls, it’s probably An Introduction to Business Law. They do, however, have a fine collection of Cliff’s Notes.



BOOKSTORE (Used Books)

Best: Paperbacks Plus, 2307 Abrams. A clean, well-lighted place. They don’t take junk and they give generous trade-ins and credits – if you have a lot of old books at home, this place will cost you less than a library card. Sorry, no used Swedish films.

Worst: Half-Price Books. A time-honored institution but time has done more than honor these stores – it seems like the dust of the ages has settled here. Your chances of finding an interesting book are less than your chances of finding an interesting spider web.



INFORMATION SERVICE

Best: Dallas Public Library. Call 748-9071 and ask for the Reference Center. Don’t be timid-they’ve heard them all here. They’re not faultless, however- they’re still trying to track down some data for the lady who asked how to grow spaghetti.

Worst: Southwestern Bell, 411. Even if they do find your number, they make you feel like you’ve ruined their day. And if they don’t find your number, it still costs you 20C.



SOUVENIR OF DALLAS

Best: A Neiman-Marcus box. Your tourist-friend can take it home to Amarillo and use it next Christmas to wrap the $2 ashtray for Aunt Eloise. Aunt Eloise will be thrilled.

Worst: The post card of the Kennedy assassination route – the one with the X’s marking the spots. What are you going to write on the back – Wish You Were Here?

FURNITURE MOVERS

Best: Tex-Sun Movers, Beltline at Central Expressway, 238-9983. For a reasonable hourly fee, a truck and two men (these are off-duty firemen) will be at your door prepared to move anything. The price includes insurance against damage, but you won’t need it.

Worst: Your best friends. They’re not insured, they’re careless with matches, and they won’t be your best friends much longer.



BARBER SHOP

Best: Inwood Barber Shop, 7715-A Inwood Road. Patrons have tried to keep the word from getting around, but a good (have-no-fear) haircut for $2.75 is hard to keep quiet about. Sorry, no avocado-apricot shampoo, but then you never really enjoyed smelling like a fresh fruit salad anyway.

Worst: The Dallas County Sheriff’s Department. Newly-elected Sheriff Carl Thomas says he runs the place “to a certain extent like a Marine regiment,” which probably means no stereo while you rinse. But rumor has it that “Shears” Thomas does a terrific white-sidewall cut if you’re looking for something a little kinky.



NEWSSTAND

Best: Commerce Street Newsstand, 1513 Commerce. They really have no competition. Where else are you going to get your morning Frankfurt Allgemeine Zeitung?

Worst: Your nearby 7-11 store. Somewhat limited in genre, though you can occasionally luck upon a back issue of Cracked magazine and there was a wonderful story last week in Real Romance about a young girl and her uncle . . . well, you probably saw it.



TAILOR

Best: Franco Rando Custom Tailoring, 1802 Main. Those who know quality menswear insist that no one else in Dallas comes close to Franco’s quality. “Unbelievable” was one adjective used to describe his work. $500 and up. Unbelievable.

Worst: Charley Taylor, Washington Redskins. And he probably can’t sew either.

PET RESORT

Best: Canine Country Club, 14300 Montfort. Veterinarians recommend it, pet owners love it, and the animals? – well, they get Christmas cards every year. No golf, but they do put out a nice Sunday buffet.

Worst: University Park. Don’t ever let Fido free for a spree inside these hallowed grounds. Dog catcher Bob Goodin is a man with a mission. And he’s got a trick – he’s so nice to the dogs that he can often get them to jump right up into the truck for a little spin to the pound. You pay the fare.

AUTO REPAIR SHOP

Best: Arthur’s Mercedes Benz, 2620 Live Oak. Arthur and John VanDerVlies scrub down their garage floors with hot water and Tide every morning before they ever go near your carburetor. Why?

“It makes the place smell nice,” says Arthur. Besides, that’s the way they do it in the Netherlands, where Arthur was a mechanic for 15 years. But they can’t help you unless you drive a Mercedes – or a Dutch car.

Worst: Precision Motors, 7814 Central Expressway. It’s hard to figure where they got their name. Our feedback wasunanimous on this one.



FRESH FLOWERS



Best: Your Florist, 5938 Northwest Highway and 13414 Dallas Parkway. The prices are a little higher than the other top contenders, but the selection here is the largest in Dallas. Besides the usual mums and roses, you can get blooms like bird-of-paradise, iris, tulips and heather, all year round.

Worst: Armstrong Parkway. Ever notice those lovely azaleas and cannas blooming on the median? Ever thought how pretty they’d look on the dining room table? Don’t do it. You go to jail, the Town of Highland Park collects $200.



ALL-NIGHT MARKET

Best: Tom Thumb, Old Town Village. If you get a 3 a.m. craving for artichokes and a late night date, you can find both here.

Worst: Cedar Springs. They always seem to be out of artichokes. And your dates will be a lot cheaper at Tom Thumb.

FOOD

AND DRINK

STRANGE DESSERT

Best: Peanut Butter Pie, Norma’s Cafe, 1123 W. Davis. If you like peanut butter, you’ll love this – a rich, rich, peanut butter cream filling with a meringue topping. If you don’t like peanut butter, you won’t order it.

Worst: The Earthquake, Swensen’s Ice Cream Shoppe. Eight different flavored scoops of ice cream with eight different toppings plus almonds, whipped cream, and a load of cherries. Nothing wrong with the ice cream – it’s delicious. But if anyone has ever eaten the whole thing, he’s dead.



BARTENDER

Best: Joe Miller, The Den In the first place, he mixes great drinks. And he and his staff make quite sure you never run dry. But the unique thing about Joe is that more often than not he’ll be on your side of the bar doing just what you’re doing – except Joe is a a hell of a lot more entertaining than you are.

Worst: Computer Dispenser, D/FW Airport. Watch carefully the next time you’re there. The bar girl pushes the button, the nozzle squirts a measured shot (and taste will tell you it’s less than the standard ounce) and the cash register instantly and automatically rings up the price of the drink. Tipping will get you nowhere.



GREASEBURGER

Best: Little Gus’, 1916 Greenville Avenue. Don’t argue. We’ve tried all those other ones too. But the Gusburger is the perfect hamburger – just the right size (6 oz.), just the right trimmings, just the right complement of grease. And prepared with Greek passion by the Mantzuranis family.

Worst: Dairy Queen. You could make a better hamburger at home out of Rice Crispies.



EXOTIC DRINK

Best: The Colonel’s Big Opu, Trader Vic’s. The main ingredients are champagne and gin, plus Triple Sec and lime juice. This may be the world’s most deceptive drink. It looks bright and delicate, it tastes light and lovely, and it kicks like a jackhammer.

Worst: Tequila Mockingbird, Tamales restaurant. This drink is made with gold tequila, Triple Sec, and boysenberry sherbet, served in a sugar-rimmed goblet. Enough said.



ROOT BEER

Best: Prince of Hamburgers, Lemmon Avenue. Their own sweet and hearty concoction, mixed fresh every morning, served in tall, frozen mugs for 25¢ Half of their secret is the double-strength syrup imported from Humbolt, Tennessee. The rest of the secret is still a secret. Also available to-go by the gallon for $1.40. Eat your heart out, A&W.

Worst: Jack-in-the-Box. There is only enough of a hint of root beer flavor here to make you wish you had a real one.



FROZEN FOODS

Best: Celentano Bros. These Italian specialties (ravioli, manicotti, cavatelli, etc.) are prepared in New Jersey with no additives and no preservatives, but with lots of care. You can buy them at Nino’s, 1730 W. Mockingbird. It may not be just like Mama used to make, but it beats the hell out of Spaghetti O’s.

Worst: Totino’s Pizza. Nobody tops a pizza like Totino’s. Thank goodness.



COFFEE

Best: Red Moon Cafe, 4537 Cole Avenue. This is a Creole coffee made fromMexican beans blended by Cubans in Florida. That special flavor you taste is chicory. And even with all that international input, it comes to you for only 25¢ a cup including refills.

Worst: D Magazine coffee room. Don’t argue that your office stuff is worse until you’ve tasted ours. Several staffers have resorted to starting their morning with Coca-Cola.



ONION RINGS

Best: Peggy’s Beef Bar, Snider Plaza. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again – onion rings just can’t be made any better than these little jewels. And if you’re only hungry for conversation, you can always talk to Peggy.

Worst: Burger King. Somewhere there is a farmer who grows tasteless onions. Burger King found him. The only thing worse than an order of Burger King onion rings is a large order of Burger King onion rings.



ALL-NIGHT RESTAURANT

Best: Waffle House, 6317 Gaston. People have been known to stay up past their bedtimes just to get a late night shot at one of these pecan waffles. Not to mention the eggs, the burgers, and even the steaks.

Worst: Denny’s. Unless you need hot pink and orange upholstery under sun lamps to keep you awake.



RESTAURANT INTERIOR

Best: II Sorrento. Sure it’s hokey. But it’s fun. And there aren’t any tiffany lamps.

Worst: Shanghai Jimmy’s. It doesn’t really matter, because his wonderful chili-rice transports you anyway. But Jimmy’s idea of a stereo system is a portable radio inside a waste basket in each corner. At least he tunes them to the same station.



POPCORN

Best: Orville’s Popcorn. This isn’t a matter purely of taste, but a matter of mathematics. The average popcorn kernel, you see, expands 30-35 times its size when popped; Orville’s brand pops at a ratio of 44 to 1. Orville also applies mathematics to the price -$1.59 for 15 oz. (at Simon David, 7117 Inwood) makes this the most expensive popcorn in town. But how chic.

Worst: Sears. It’s not the popcorn itself that is bad, it’s just that it makes the whole store smell like stale popcorn.

ICE CREAM SODA

Best: Highland Park Pharmacy, Knox Street. You have to wonder what ever happened to the popularity of the ice cream soda after tasting one of these beauties. Chocolate, of course, is the classic, but the strawberry here may be even better. Try to leave room for a grilled cheese sandwich.

Worst: We hate to mention the name again, but the initials are D.Q.

SIGHTS

&SOUNDS

NEWSPAPER COLUMNIST

Best: Blackie Sherrod, Dallas Times Herald. Even people who hate sports read Blackie’s column. His prose speaks for itself: “The Cowboys were like the man who decided on suicide, but was determined not to botch it. He bought poison, a gun, a rope, and climbed a mountain, found a tree overhanging a deep, dangerous gorge. He tied the rope to the tree limb, a noose around his neck, swallowed the poison and jumped. Then, dangling at the end of the rope, he aimed the pistol at his head and pulled the trigger.

“Somehow the bullet missed its mark, hit the rope and severed it. He fell thousands of feet into a deep river at the bottom of the chasm, swallowed so much water, it nullified the poison, and if the guy hadn’t been a damn good swimmer, he would have drowned!”

Worst: Felix McKnight, Dallas Times Herald. Felix was a great newspaper man in his time, but he’s semi-retired now – so he’s semi-writing semi-editorials. Unfortunately, he’s still quite intent on defending the honor of Richard Nixon.



STREET

Best: Swiss Avenue. Not just for how it looks, but for how it works. A tribute to the old neighborhood spirit.

Worst: Lemmon Avenue. At least it’s aptly named. The one good thing about Lemmon is that it ends at both sides.



SKYSCRAPER

Best: One Main Place. Elegant, unpretentious, and unobtrusive. It’s such a good-looking structure most people don’t notice it.

Worst: Campbell Centre. Actually, there are others that are as offensive, but there are two of these. And the rush-hour sun reflection onto Northwest Highway and Central Expressway ought to be against the law.



LOCAL TV SHOW

Best: Bowling For Dollars. Yes, seriously. Can you name a better one? If you can, it’s only because you’ve never known the drama of being a Pin Pal.

Worst: Channel 13 Membership Nights. Unless you like to sit around and see if you can spot the obscene phone calls.



LOCAL TV COMMERCIAL

Best: Mercantile Bank. Admit it – you’ve always wanted to have that many

dominoes to play with.

Worst: Kroger Price Patrol. We’re sure they do good work and provide a valuable service. But it’s a little misleading – we’ve yet to find any good prasses at Kroger. In fact, we haven’t found any good prasses at all. Are they kind of like nectarines?



HISTORIC SITE

Best: Fair Park. A splendid and sadly-neglected monument to the architectural taste of the Thirties. It’s sad indeed that the prevailing notion is that you can’t get there from here.

Worst: The Texas Schoolbook Depository. Won’t somebody please buy it and demolish it? We could use the parking space.



SCENIC VIEW

Best: From Mountain View College. No kidding – it’s beautiful here. Why do you think they call it Mountain View?

Worst: From the Italian Pavilion Restaurant. It’s a panoramic perch here on top of the Le Baron Hotel, but what you see is the Dallas skyline rising from the ruck of West Dallas warehouses. Just keep your eyes on the scaloppini.



MUSEUM

Best: Kimbell Art Museum. Louis Kahn’s building is such a masterpiece that you hardly care what you’re looking at. They could exhibit a collection of velvet paintings here and you’d still have a cultural experience.

Worst: Dallas Museum of Natural History. If these animals weren’t already dead, the dust would kill them.

URBAN REVITALIZATION PROJECT

Best: Fort Worth Water Gardens. What could be more revitalizing than the sight and sound of moving water? And water can’t turn into a slum.

Worst: Thanks-Giving Square. The truck terminal is a fine idea. But it’s difficult to understand what a chapel and a truck terminal have in common, besides religious truckers.

SYMBOL OF COOPERATION BETWEEN DALLAS AND FORT WORTH

Best: D/FW Airport. Who cares what the TV comics say? If you live here it’s fast and it’s easy. Ever been to Logan International in Boston? Now there’s a joke.

Worst: “Metroplex.” Perhaps the ugliest word ever coined by an adman. Consult your American Heritage Dictionary under “metro” and “plexus” – it actually means “plaited womb.”



MOVIE THEATER

Best: The Lakewood Theatre. A pleasure palace from the Thirties with great double features and great prices – $1 at all times. That leaves you $2.50 for seven boxes of Junior Mints.

Worst: The Northtown Six. If you can see the screen for the teeny-bops in the aisles, the projectionist has probably put on the wrong reel upside down.

SPORTS

SPORTSCASTER

Best: Bob Lilly. Bob knows a great deal about football, possibly a function of his having played the game for 30 years. And, unlike many ex-jocks-turned-broadcaster, he can translate his knowledge and tell you things you didn’t already know. Now, if he’d just stop calling everything “super” . . .

Worst: Tom Vandergriff. Vandergriff is the Mayor of Arlington, but his first ambition in life was to be a broadcaster. Since the City of Arlington owns the radio-TV rights to the Rangers, Vandergriff hired himself to do Ranger TV games at no salary. Someone should pay him to stop.



STADIUM SEAT

Best: Section 106, Arlington Stadium. These seats are behind first base. Not only do you geta good view of the field, but you have a great shot at grabbing a souvenir baseball on errant throws hurled into the seats by Ranger infielders.

Worst: Section 20, Rows 5-8, Texas Stadium. These are the cheap seats (rather, $6 seats) and there’s a reason. If it’s sunny, you get blinded by the sun shining through the hole in the roof. It if rains, you get rained on through the hole in the roof. At the Baltimore game this season it did both.

EXCUSE FOR LOSING:

Best: Coach Ron Meyer’s 1976 SMU football roster. Ron said they’d be lucky to win two games all season. They were extremely lucky. They won three.

Worst: Toby Harrah, Texas Rangers. Toby led all American League shortstops in errors last season. When asked about the Rangers dismal record, Toby blamed it on the press. For typing errors?



HIGH SCHOOL DRILL TEAM

Best: Lincoln High School Purple Flashes. When they combine with the 80-piece band and the Black Knights ROTC Drill Team, the Purple Flashes make the football game dull by comparison. These girls shake more than their pom-poms.

Worst: St. Mark’s School for Boys. St. Mark’s fielded a pretty good football team this past season. But their drill team still can’t kick higher than their kneecaps.



CONCESSION STAND:

Best: State Fair Coliseum. More specifically, the beer stand on 20¢, Beer Nights.But be careful to devalue your thirst at the same time. After all, for a mere $2 you’re liable to miss the third period ofthe hockey game – ortry to climb into it.

Worst: Arlington Stadium.At an average game withan average crowd withaverage hunger andthirst, you’ll miss anaverage of 2 1/2 inningswaiting in line for theCheese Whiz to melt so that you can pay $1.00 for nachos.

THRILLS etc.

PLACE TO PICK UP A SUGAR DADDY

Best: Lobby Bar, Fairmont Hotel. There are lots of fat wallets moving through here most any night of the week. You’d better catch one, though, or the price of drinks will eat you alive.

Worst: Downtown YMCA. While it’s a bit difficult to catalogue the clientele, you can be sure of one thing – they aren’t here because they’re rich. However, you might be able to latch on to a pretty fair handball plaver.

SAUNA

Best: The Greenhouse. In the luxury of this sauna, one doesn’t sweat it off, one dispels unwanted liquid weight.

Worst: Texas Stadium. During an August exhibition game, you can lose ten pounds before the fourth quarter – if you don’t stand up for big plays. If you get excited, you’re flirting with death. A visit to Houston is better than this.

SEXY UNDERWEAR

Best: Titches. Surprised? So are we. But we’ve deferred to a different authority and the “Skivvy Patrol” of Dick Hitt and Kevin McCarthy at KNUS report, after much research, that this is it. And these guys claim to know a good pair of panties when they see one.

Worst: Cullum & Boren Sporting Goods. Unless, of course, you get turned on by thermal long johns or steel cups.



GIRL-WATCHING SITE

Best: Escalator, Neiman-Marcus NorthPark. Besides the obvious factors, there are a few added features. For one, they can’t turn and walk the other way – they just keep getting closer. For another, you have a perfectly legitimate reason for loitering there – just waiting for the wife to finish up in the shoe department. And it could take her all day.

Worst: Maternity Ward, Parkland Hospital. Lots of curves, but these girls are obviously already spoken for.

PUBLIC TOILET

Best: Ladies room, Ports 0’ ? Call restaurant. If you hold the door to your stall open, you’ll be treated to a grand 40th-story view over all of East Dallas from right where you sit. Rest assured, they can’t see you.

Worst: Ladies room, Century Room, Adolphus Hotel. Every toilet in the place is a pay toilet – and 25¢, no less. What do you do if you’re out of quarters? MasterCharge?



BUSINESS DEAL

Best: Algur Meadows. When Meadows sold six percent of his company, General American Oil, to Mesa Petroleum last fall, speculation resulting from the sale drove General American’s stock up $15. Meadows, who owns 36 percent of General American’s stock, watched his personal holdings go up $35 million in just a few weeks. Not a bad day’s work.

Worst: 5944 Luther Lane.There is a 12-story turkey at this address in Preston Center – perhaps the biggest office buiding bust in Dallas history. This $3 million building has been standing virtually unoccupied for two years. Why? It has no central air-conditioning. The plan was for each tenant to provide his own air conditioning unit. Good plan.



1976 DALLAS/FORT WORTH STOCK



Best: Southwest Airlines and E-Systems. A tie between two high flyers. You could have more than doubled your money in either case. Nice to know, isn’t it?

Worst: Robintech. It’s been a tough year for Brad Corbett. His company, like his baseball team, started strong but hit a big losing streak. The Rangers fell from second to fourth. Robintech fell from 30 to 14.

PLACE TO GET HIGH

Best: Tarrant County Convention Center. When there’s a rock extravaganza on here, you don’t even need to bring your own. After they turn out the house lights, just count to ten, then breathe deeply.

Worst: Justice of the Peace Robert Cole’s courtroom. Do it in here and you’re in a heap a trouble, boy.

AMUSEMENT RIDE

Best: Airtrans, DFW Airport. It has to be late at night when there are no otherpassengers. Scooting along with no driver, watching the doors open and close for no one at each terminal stop, and gazing on the eerie, empty nighttime fluorescence of the airport can give you more of a futurama kick than anything Disneyland’s come up with. It’s only 25¢ and you can ride all night long.

Worst: Texas Chute-Out,Six Flags. Would you payto stand in line 45 minutesfor a 45-second elevatorride?

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