Press Release of the Month

For almost any product you can think of, there is a public relations institution operating in its behalf. Recently, for example, we received a 15-page epic from the International Maple Syrup Institute supplying us with everyting you ever wanted to know but didn’t bother to ask about maple syrup (bet you didn’t know that its original Indian name was “sin-zibuckwud”).

But perhaps the most diligent product pusher of them all is the Wine Institute, operating out of San Francisco, which is forever bombarding us with press releases citing new and important reasons for buying wine. Our favorite is their recent release entitled “Wine Recommended For The Medical Problems of Women.” Citing “medical research findings,” the Wine Institute was pleased to announce a series of discoveries. Chilled Champagne is an effective remedy for nausea of early pregnancy. Sherry is effective for premenstrual tension and cramps. Chablis has been shown to be an appetite inducer in hysterectomy patients. And, wonder of scientific wonders, wine is recommended at bedtime for prenatal patients who are having difficulty sleeping.

Spurred by these revelations, we have compiled our own research findings regarding wine and have reached this conclusion: Any kind of wine has been shown to be effective both as an appetite stimulant and as a sleep inducer for magazine editors suffering from writer’s cramps.