Nobody’s Perfect Awards

Creeping Prosperity Award: To Dallas Summer Musicals Director Tom Hughes. In explaining the drastic drop in attendance of some 30,000 people for this past summer season, Hughes blamed the decline on “the soundness of the economy.” In explaining his explanation, Hughes asserted that “when people have money for large items like trips and cars they cut down on other items, including theater.” Sure, Tom. Ever thought about going into politics?



The Roger Staubach Clean Cowboy Citation: To singer and recording artist Bobby Bare for his recent RCA release: “Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through the Goalposts of Life).”



The Kroger Price Patrol Excellence In Advertising Award: To the State Auto Insurance Company for the sign on their Lemmon Avenue building: “Let’s Be Partners. We Insure It. You Wreck It.”



We-Told-You-So Trophy: In heartfelt tribute to the Texas Rangers, who made us look good by looking so bad. In the May issue of D Magazine, Norm Hitz-ges asked the blasphemous question, “How Bad Will the Texas Rangers Be?” The Rangers started hot and we heard snickers behind our backs. Norm Hitz-ges was a dirty word around the Ranger clubhouse. By midseason the Rangers were in second place and pushing Kansas City for the division lead. Then, on July 7, the roof fell in. From that date, the Rangers won 32, lost 54 – a .372 winning percentage. How Bad? The third worst team in all of baseball over the last half of the season, edged out for the title by the Chicago White Sox (.345 since July 7) and the Montreal Expos (.333). Maybe next year.



Quote of the Month: From Mrs. April Cox of Carrollton, who, in her crusade against tawdry textbooks in our public schools, said that information regarding birth control wouldn’t be necessary in the classrooms “if we hadn’t had sexual intercourse crammed down our throats.”



The Endangered Species Award: To Weather Wolf, of the Channel 13 9 O’Clock Report.

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