I hated the 2008 Dodge Viper—for the first 20 minutes I drove it. It’s loud. It’s cramped. I felt every bump in the road. There’s no rear visibility. There’s an exhaust port outside the doors waiting to catch you unaware. It’s work to steer. It rides lower than a Big Wheel. The “trunk” could barely hold my laptop.
Then I got it on the highway. Oh, mama. Once I got a feel for the 600 horses under the hood, I could make the thing take off like a rocket. That tight steering? It allows the Viper, at high speeds, to feel like an extension of your will. The faster you drive, the easier it handles. It holds the road like the hand of God is pushing down on it. That cramped driver’s seat? Duh. It’s a jet pilot’s cockpit. Rear visibility? Who cares? Sure, it guzzles go-juice like Don Nelson on a post-win bender. So what? You gotta burn carbons if you wanna burn rubber.
In a town where Bentleys and Rolls aren’t uncommon, the Viper turns heads. Everyone gawked, but it was kids who loved it most. And why not? It was the Batmobile in electric blue. The Viper infects your personality. I could feel my inner douchebag emerging, and I embraced it happily. I locked the satellite radio on the ’80s channel and let the Talking Heads blast from the outstanding speakers wherever I drove. I started calling service people by their first names. I did a lot of winking. I could have closed any deal on Wall Street with a smirk and a handshake.
After a week, I considered keeping the Viper and escaping to Monaco. I won’t deny I felt younger, hipper, and more confident every time I punched the starter and heard that throaty growl. It’s absolutely an impractical, immature investment—a little boy’s toy.
And I want one so bad I can’t stand it.
THE DETAILS
Sticker price: $88,185
Engine: 600 HP 8.4-L V-10
MPG: 13 city, 22 highway
