“Over the weekend, I noticed that my fellow candidate Donald Trump took time out of his busy schedule of being fired by various companies to take a little shot at your ol’ pal Ricky.” “Now, Captain Hairdo said, and I quote, ‘He needs a new pair of glasses to see the crimes committed by illegal immigrants.’ “ “The sand on this guy, am I right?” “First off, thanks for noticing the specs, Donnie. Anita picked ’em out, and I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.” “That’s called being polite. You’ve probably never seen it because it’s not located in a Russian model’s pants.” “OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, dang. What?! What?!” “But, anyway, as for what you said about ‘failing on the border,’ nothing could be further from the truth.” “Not just no, but HELL NO.” “I’m not gonna let some Donnie-come-lately attack my record on that, when I’ve fought harder to keep Mexicans out of Texas than Bill Paxton.” “You see that garbage? Texas Rising? Check this out.” “I mean, WHAT?” “But anyway, Rick knows the way the cow eats cabbage, so guess what, Trumpy? You win. I’ll play your game.” “Effective immediately, as acting president of Texas, I am hereby banning all Mexican food from the U.S. of America.” “Boom.” “That’s right: no more tacos, no more enchiladas, no more fajitas, no more gorditas. Nuh-uh. None of it. “NO FROSTY MARGS EITHER!” Get the D Brief Newsletter Dallas’ most important news stories of the week, delivered to your inbox each Sunday.