At What Age Should I Settle Down?

Age is just a number, but why do we let it define our relationships?

We are raised to believe we should be married by a certain time, have children, and live happily ever after. And so, we place expectations on how and when we’re going to meet our soul mate. We fall into the trap of looking for the perfect person—not necessarily our perfect person—but a version that other people will like. We allow societal expectations to get in the way of experiencing and enjoying life. Instead of seeing all of the good in our lives, we’re conditioned to wonder why we haven’t met Mr. or Mrs. Right. 

Age, it seems, is everything and often we become frightened of where that places us in life. Are we living right? Should we be married by now? Is it too late for us? These questions swirl in our heads because we’ve been taught early on that life should adhere to the fairy tale timeline or the family formula (get married young, have children, and be happy). But the life formula has changed and today it’s about being your true, authentic self.

It may be difficult when your mother asks when you’re planning on getting married, however stick to your ticket. There’s no set time, no right age to find true love. I recently attended two weddings, on the beach, of people who were in their mid 70s and absolutely in love.  Three month ago, right before their full restaurant renovation, two friends of mine (she is in her early 60s and he is in his late 60s) found love and got engaged at Truluck’s. There is no right age to fall in love.

But to do this, you have to let go of all preconceived notions about who the perfect mate is and when you will meet them. These expectations are actually limitations that get in the way of happiness and truth. Our limitations begin as expectations. When we anticipate things to be a specific way we usually become frustrated and upset. Let go of your expectations beginning today.

Go into your next date and don’t think too much about it. Let things happen, because when we are being honest and authentic we create our own reality. The opposite applies as well. When we’re not being ourselves, not being authentic, we take whatever we can get. Being honest and open allows us to know what we want, what we don’t want, and how we plan to live our life. Begin to live your true life today. Your life is important and doesn’t need to fit in with the norm. Who wants to be norm anyway?

Ashley Berges is a Dallas-based life coach, family therapist, and syndicated radio talk show host of Perspectives with Ashley Berges, which can be heard on 570 AM KLIF and 660AM KKSY.

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