Photo via Flickr user Robert Hensley

Dating Guide

Dating Over 40 in Dallas

When you think of nightlife, you think of the 20s and 30s crowd, but I have lots of single, successful friends that are 40 to 50. Where does that age group go and not seem pathetic or desperate?

When it comes to meeting new people over the age of 40, Dallas has so many options that are viable and probable. Some of my favorite restaurants are Nick and Sams, the upstairs bar at Bistro 31, and the Mansion Bar. You can also try museum openings, gallery events, gallery walks, 5K runs, and Klyde Warren Park. What is your favorite neighborhood bar? Is there anyone at work who you connect with? Do you like going to Mavericks or Stars games? What do you like to do?

In our twenties, life seemed simple. It’s funny the way we look at our younger years with great nostalgia, but for the most part, dating back then was difficult (and sure, sometimes a total blast). We were either breaking up, moving our stuff out of an ex’s house, taking time off, or jumping into the next available relationship without dealing with the emotional and mental Louis Vuitton trunks.

Whether we put our career first, got married and divorced, or we’re widowed, we wade into the dating pool wondering how to swim, how to meet people, and how to come up for air. The major difference from dating in your twenties is the overall attitude and feeling about the situation.

Instead of seeing the process as an opportunity to meet new people and learn more about ourselves, we see it as a burden, a crisis, and an overall curse. Anytime we walk into a situation with these feelings, we’re going to act as though it’s a hassle and we’ll be stressed out. By simply shifting our angst to acceptance and crisis to calm, we immediately transition our thought process and allow ourselves to make conscious decisions on who we’d like to meet, where we can meet them, and what we truly want out of a prospective relationship.

Ask yourself some questions: What’s the worst that can happen? Where are you in your life? And what possibilities may become available to you if you look at the situation in the “right” authentic frame of mind? (“Right” authentic frame of mind means that expectations are overrated and complicate every situation, allow yourself to have fun, greet excitement, and cease labeling people and situations.)

When looking for a potential date, insecurity isn’t the proper perfume to douse yourself. We know what we’re good at and it’s important to put these things on display. Our actions are created from the internal mechanism that manifests our feelings and emotions. When we feel insecure we act insecure, we do things that insecure people do, and it rubs off not featuring us in the best of lights.

So how do you put yourself in a situation where there are likeminded individuals around? Get in where you fit in. Have fun, go where you want, talk to the people you want, say hi to everyone you make eye contact with, and know that when you least expect it, kismet will arrive!

Ashley Berges is a Dallas-based life coach, family therapist, and syndicated radio talk show host of Perspectives with Ashley Berges, which can be heard on 570 AM KLIF and 660AM KKSY.

Dallas Dating Guide

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