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How-To

How Mark Cuban’s SEC Testimony Should Have Gone

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"So, for the record, the company you invested in was called what again?"
“Mr. Cuban, for the record, the company you invested in was called what again?”

"Mamma.com."
“Mamma.com.”
"Can you repeat that?"
“Can you repeat that?”
"Mamma.com."
“MAMMA.COM.”
"Could you use it in a sentence?"
“Could you use it in a sentence?”
"Where are you going with this?"
“Where are you going with this?”
"Please, if you would."
“Please, if you would.”
"I probably shouldn't have invested in Mamma.com."
“I probably shouldn’t have invested in Mamma.com.”
"Mr. Cuban, would you consider yourself a good investor?"
“Thank you. Now, Mr. Cuban, would you consider yourself to be a good investor?”
"Oh, yeah. Definitely."
“Oh, yeah. Definitely. Absolutely. Heh heh.”
"So, you're a good investor. A smart investor. So you invest in a Canadian company -- "
“So, then, you’re a good investor. A smart investor. And you invest in a Canadian company — “
"Yeah ... "
“Yeah … “
" -- run by someone named Guy Faure -- "
” — run by someone named Guy Faure — “
"Right ... "
“Right … “
" -- and the company called itself Mamma.com."
” — and the company calls itself Mamma.com.”
"Yes, come on. You know this. What's your question?"
“Yes, come on. You know this. What’s your question?”
"Seriously?"
“Seriously?”
"Ah, dammit. OK, you got me. It wasn't smart. But you know I didn't do what they said right?"
“Ah, dammit. [long sigh] OK, you got me. It wasn’t smart. But you know I didn’t do what they said right?”
"Oh, for sure. For sure. You'd have to be the dumbest billionaire ever, right? Anyway, we have some time here. Want to make a scary face?"
“Oh, for sure. For sure. You’d have to be the dumbest billionaire ever, right? Anyway, we have some time here. Want to make a scary face?”
[monster noises]
[monster noises]