As the boutique fitness tend continues to rage on, more and more small gyms and studios have cropped up around Dallas, and those gyms and studios need names. And because there are only so many combinations using “fit,” “burn,” or “barre” out there in the world, some of those spots have had to get creative. The results can be daunting.
Does that mean these places don’t offer fantastic workouts with proven results? Of course not. But without context, a name can be deceiving, intimidating, and — at times — a little terrifying. Here, we break down the scariest sounding workouts in Dallas, and shed some light on their true identity.
What It Sounds Like: If Guy Fieri owned a gym. The high-intensity workouts provide the actual burn that the painted flames on the walls never could.
What It Is: InCinR8 actually looks pretty legit! D Magazine gave it a Best of Big D award back in 2014, and the gym’s founder Danny Connolly has been featured in Seventeen Magazine and even worked with Whitney Port during her days on The Hills. As for the classes, they focus on precision, with exercises done in short spurts. InCinR8!
What It Sounds Like: A bunch of dudes in black-and-white striped ensembles dragging around the ball and chain they have yet to free themselves of. George Clooney’s character from O Brother, Where Art Thou is the instructor.
What It Is: Parkour! Also, parkour for kids!
What It Sounds Like: Jared Leto in full Joker garb laughing aggressively as you do burpees. Or maybe some sort of fitness-centric homage to Alfred Hitchcock.
What It Is: The website states that “Cavemen + Scientists = Psycho Gym.” If you need more clarification, the studio utilizes kettlebells, ropes, and suspension trainers in a “calculated workout design” for strength training. I feel like it should be called Paleo Gym, but whatever!
What It Sounds Like: Bear Grylls guarding a backpack full of Snickers as he leads a group of Dallas women currently on a cleanse through some sort of woodsy Dallas area.
What It Is: Weightlifters flock to the gym’s all-level lifting classes. HITW also offers personal training, strength and conditioning, sport performance programs, and serves as a 10,000-square-foot open gym for members.
What It Sounds Like: Just so much pain for your core. Extreme pain to your core.
What It Is: If you’re familiar with Core Fusion (the studio’s very good Pilates/barre hybrid), this is not just an extreme version of that. It’s actually a HIIT class.
What It Sounds Like: Instructors are always reminding students to breath. No matter what this is, it just seems counterintuitive.
What It Is: A “state-of-the-art interval-based” spin class that encourages you to “go big, go breathless.” I mean, it’s at Equinox so I’m sure the class is good, but please inhale at some point.
What It Sounds Like: Like something that would give me social anxiety.
What It Is: The Lower Greenville studio basic strength movements and high-intensity conditioning that are designed to mimic basic everyday movements. The website is still a little unclear, but based on Instagram GOSM has a nice social media following and a cool looking space to do said movements.
What It Sounds Like: Pole dancing while wearing those creepy president masks robbers sometimes use in movies. It’s conjuring a lot of upsetting thoughts.
What It Is: You can absolutely do pole dancing at this Richardson-based studio (which is generally a very good upper body workout!). There do not appear to be any political affiliations to the studio.