Tuesday, May 21, 2024 May 21, 2024
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Mayor Eric Johnson Makes Another ‘Friendly Belt Buckle Bet’

This time its on the Avalanche-Stars game.
This is how Eric Johnson sees himself.

The Office of the Mayor just issued a press release. I would like to share it with you and then comment on it in a way that is intended to be humorous but also (just slightly) insightful. Here’s the first part of the press release:

DALLAS — Dallas Mayor Eric L. Johnson and Denver Mayor Mike Johnston announced a friendly wager ahead of the second-round NHL Western Conference playoff series between the Dallas Stars and the Colorado Avalanche. If the Dallas Stars beat the Colorado Avalanche, Mayor Johnston will gift a Denver flag belt buckle to Mayor Johnson. If the Avalanche beat the Stars, Mayor Johnson will gift a Texas-style belt buckle to Mayor Johnston.

My first thought is that the mayor is stuck in a betting rut. You’ll recall that in 2023, when Errol Spence Jr. fought Terence Crawford, the mayor wagered a belt buckle against some Omaha Steaks with Mayor Jean Stothert. Spence lost the fight. No steak for you!

My second thought is we’ve got Johnson wagering against Johnston, which reminds me of when we traded City Attorney Larry Casto for Chris Caso. Copy editors, beware!

My third thought is about belts. Do these buckles come with belts? They should. And if that’s the case, I have some advice for Denver Mayor Johnson. Er, Johnston.

Dear Mayor of Denver: You’re probably high right now. In my experience, everyone in Denver is always high. Cool, cool. I’ll keep this short and direct. Our mayor has lost of ton of weight recently. Well, not a ton ton. You know what I mean. (Are you giggling?) I don’t know if it’s Ozempic or stress or an effort to prepare for what he assumes will be an opportunity to address the Republican National Convention—or a combination of all three! Anyway, he used to wear a 42. I’m guessing. He didn’t actually share that with me or with the court. I’d say he’s down to a 38. So when your Avs lose (and they will), keep that in mind when you go shopping.

Go, Stars!


Tim Rogers

Tim Rogers

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Tim is the editor of D Magazine, where he has worked since 2001. He won a National Magazine Award in…