We’re in for a treat this year. Thanks to some calendric good fortune, the best day of the year in Dallas, the Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day Parade, will be celebrated on March 11. Then we get nearly a full week to recover, and—pow—St. Patrick’s Day proper falls the following Friday. To get you ready for the big day(s), I conducted this Q&A with myself wherein I share my own personal plans, which are amazing.
ME: You get really pumped for this parade, don’t you?
MYSELF: Oh, my gosh. Yes. The weather is almost always beautiful. Everyone’s in a good mood, eager to shake off the winter and pour some beer down their necks. As long as you behave yourself, the cops let you wander around with an open container. And I get to wear a kilt.
Kilts aren’t Irish.
What’s your point? In Ireland, they don’t even party on St. Patrick’s Day. We’ve made some improvements.
What’s that story again about Tom Stephenson wrestling a bear on St. Patrick’s Day?
I’m so glad you asked me that question. Tom used to work here at the magazine. He’s a legend. He used to date Priscilla Davis. And he solved a murder. Go listen to this podcast we did with Tom where he talked about that murder and about how he started the parade when he painted an elephant green. But yeah. The bear story. That was 1986. Her name was Ginger. Classic Tom Stephenson.
Do you have any other links?
Back when The Fare was still in business, did you ever take your mom there after the parade had ended?
Next question.
Tell us about this plan you have. What can you share with our readers?
I kind of hesitate to tell you. It’s really a perfect plan, and someone could easily steal it. But here’s the deal: my buddy Joe and I are going to drive to the White Rock DART station nice and early. Then we are going to ride bicycles to the Barley House.
You head west out of the parking lot on the Flag Pole Hill Trail. You take a hard left on the SoPac Trail and ride that to where it joins up with the Ridgewood Trail. Take a right. Ridgewood will turn into the University Crossing Trail, and that sucker will take you right under Greenville Avenue. First right after Greenville is Worcola Street. Bam. You’re two blocks from the Barley House.
OK, so the Barley House opens at 8 a.m. That’s where the parade ends. Joe and I are still fighting about what time to meet at the DART station, but in any case, we’ll be at the Barley House and have filled our bellies with breakfast tacos before the chaos begins in earnest. Neither of us can go hard like we used to. We’ll be back on our bikes and headed toward safety before the parade has even ended. In and out like a whisper.
You really have thought it all out, haven’t you?
Yup. Now I just need to tell my wife.
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