Bear in mind that I am a noted supporter of the YMCA of Metropolitan Dallas. I will continue to defend the basketball courts at the downtown T. Boone Pickens Y from any and all incursions from the Charlotte Hornets’ Kelly Oubre Jr. And, also, this post is really about drawing attention to the Y’s 2023 annual campaign. So if you take what I’m about to say in any way other than the loving, generous spirit in which it is intended, then that’s on you.
That said, what the hell is going on with this poster? I saw it Monday in the locker room at the Y. I was stunned. And nonplussed. And wearing a towel. This paragraph didn’t start with my first official question, by the way. Here are my official questions:
1. What the hell is going on with this poster? There. I wanted to get that question on the record. Officially.
2. Are the neighbors of this family absolutely sick of them? They’ve got a bit too much Ned Ryerson energy for my taste. If this family lived next door to me, I wouldn’t bring them Christmas cookies because I’d be afraid what the sugar would do to them. Also, I might put some Quaaludes in their well water. Something to even them out a little.
3. Is that girl doing finger guns and thumbs up? To do finger guns, you’ve got to put up your thumbs. Otherwise you’re just pointing. Dad knows this. In this family portrait, he has just shot you with his left finger gun, and he’s about to get you with his right finger gun. Pretty textbook. But the way the girl has the barrel of her finger guns pointed at each other makes me think she was trying to give double thumbs up and then got careless. I think she needs some more safety training on her finger guns. First lesson: always treat a finger gun as if it is loaded!
4. Is that mom an alien, or is she wearing a thumb extender? Take a closer look:
She must be wearing a thumb extender, right? That’s the most logical explanation. But I searched Amazon for thumb extenders, and all I could find were finger cots, which are totally different, so as unlikely as it might first seem, Mom might be an alien.
Those are my four official questions. If anyone has answers, let’s hear them. Meantime, don’t let a little mystery stop you from donating to the Y. Even if you play for the Hornets and have the 10th-worst plus-minus in the NBA this year.
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