I will try to set this up as thoroughly as possible, so the comments aren’t all But what about this?—though I’m sure they will be regardless.
(Before I go on, I am only talking to regular, non-pro athlete types. If you played college ball, you can also excuse yourself. For the purposes of this exercise, let’s say you are built like me: 6 feet in shoes, maybe 170 pounds if I had a big lunch.)
It has often been noted that playing with Luka Doncic makes life easier for most of his teammates, at least on the offensive side of the ball. If you get open—or even if you’re not, or maybe not aware that you are—Luka will find you, put the ball in your hands, and give you a very good chance to score the basketball as a a player. In this scenario, you are in a regulation NBA game, it’s 10:30 mark of the second quarter, and your primary defender has played about four minutes of game time. All you have to do is make one bucket. A layup for two points is just as good as a three-pointer. But it has to be a shot from the field. Free throws do not count. You have to make a shot, as close or as far away as you want. But you have to do it by halftime.
Oh, and also: everyone on the opposing team believes that you have posted on TikTok about how easy it would be to score in an NBA game, though it was really just a deep fake created by me. Well, funded by me. I don’t know how to do that, but I can project manage from time to time.
Do you think that is easier than running for a first down?
In that scenario, you have four downs to get the job done. Everyone on the Cowboys offensive line is in peak condition. It’s the first game of the season, and no one is dealing with any nagging injuries. They are as fresh as possible. Also, they have no idea what you are up to. We have created a back story for you. Your name is Pantry Greer and you are a former Division III quarterback trying to make it as a running back; the highlight video we have put together shows a shifty, tough runner who is as likely to put his head down to pick up inside yardage as he is to break a play outside and try to make defenders miss in space. You can pick whatever plays you want, including trick plays. You want to run the wishbone? Go for it. Four plays to get 10 yards.
Also, I should mention that, during the week running up to the game, several journalists have reported that you were in attendance at the storming of the Capitol.
So: which do you think you can pull off — bucket in an NBA game or NFL first down?