Wednesday, November 30, 2022 Nov 30, 2022
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Health & Medicine

UT Southwestern Study Shows Vaccines, in Scientific Terms, Are Effective AF

Get out there and get stuck!
By Tim Rogers |

You aren’t hesitant about taking one of the vaccines. How do I know that? Because you are reading this. A syllogism: all FrontBurnervians trust science and are not afraid of Bigfoot; you are a FrontBurnervian; therefore, you trust science.

But you might have a friend or relative who is not a FrontBurnervian. That person might be reluctant to get vaccinated. That person might also believe that if you put a bunch of old rags in a shoebox, the rags will turn into a mouse. It’s OK. You can help these people. First, find their shoebox filled with old rags, and secretly replace the rags with alpaca dung. Problem solved!

As for the vaccine thing, tell them about these UT Southwestern data published yesterday in the New England Journal of Medicine. They’ve got 23,234 employees in Dallas who were eligible to get stuck. They started vaccinating them in December with the Pfizer and Moderna juices. Between December 15 and January 28, 234 of 8,969 nonvaccinated folks (2.61 percent) got infected, while only four — four — of 8,121 fully vaccinated folks got infected (.o5 percent).

That right there is what we scienticians call efficacious.

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