Sports & Leisure

Colonial Tickets Will Cost $475 This Year (!)

Who says golf is only for elites?

As FrontBurner’s duly elected golf correspondent, it is my duty to tell you that the folks running the Charles Schwab Challenge (aka the Colonial) are proud of their 75th anniversary, as evidenced by the ticket prices they announced today. The tourney runs May 23 through May 30. Attendance will be limited by pandemic precaution. The cheapest ticket will cost $475 ($514.19 including sales tax).

You’re saying, “Tim, that’s insane! For that cash, I could buy a Cobra RADSPEED driver.”

I’m saying, “Sure. But if you bought a Cobra RADSPEED driver, it would become outdated, and you’d just wind up replacing it anyway, whereas if you went to the Colonial, you’d have an experience, a memory to cherish for the rest of your life, even though science has shown us that the more you access a memory, the more its fidelity to actual events degrades, so 40 years from now, you might be reliving a really expensive trip to Chuck E. Cheese.”

What were we talking about? Oh, yeah. With that $475 ticket, you get an all-inclusive deal, with booze and food on the course; access to the Palmer and Crenshaw villages, where you get ambassador greeters, waitstaff, shaded seats, and TVs; and use of the Colonial Country Club pool house and adjoining patio. This is the first time Colonial will have tried the all-inclusive thing. And there are more expensive options.

By the way, the AT&T Byron Nelson runs a few days prior to Colonial. It’ll be played at TPC Craig Ranch this year. The cheapest ticket I see is the $100 Bourbon Bunker. Sounds delectable, right? The bourbon costs extra.

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