Unnecessary Fountain Alert! Klyde Warren Park Gets New Gift, Continues to Try to Undermine Itself

First off, a few stipulations. I love Dallas. I love downtown Dallas. (Most of my new book features photos of downtown Dallas. (It’s called “promotion.” Ever heard of it?)) I love Klyde Warren Park, even though I have had a bit of fun with it over the years. Just saving you the trouble of hurling accusations at me.

Now then, the news that the park will add a $10 million so-called “super fountain” that shoots jets of water almost 100 feet in the air and looks like some extremely “The Capitol of Panem in Hunger Games” business — a feature that would be unnecessary at any time and is absolutely gratuitous now — is what people make fun of when they make fun of Dallas.

I’m sure that Nancy and Randy Best, the couple who donated the $10 million for the so-called “super fountain” that shoots jets of water almost 100 feet in the air and looks like some extremely “The Capitol of Panem in Hunger Games” business — a feature that would be unnecessary at any time and is absolutely gratuitous now — are lovely people. I’m also sure there are other, better uses of their money. They don’t need to contribute to Dallas’ seemingly incessant need to be [sighs so long you have a doctor come and check my vitals] world class.

Here’s the deal: I sort of understood when the plan to enlarge the park and add an indoor event space was hatched. (Except the part about giving space to VisitDallas.) Sort of. I didn’t really agree, to put it mildly, but I could see what they were saying. But a $10 million, so-called “super fountain” that shoots jets of water almost 100 feet in the air and looks like some extremely “The Capitol of Panem in Hunger Games” business — a feature that would be unnecessary at any time and is absolutely gratuitous now — is just an extravagance. People already like going to the park! It works! On nice days, back when it could be packed, it was packed!

But, I mean, if the new plan is just to fill Klyde Warren Park from stem to stern with ridiculous, expensive, unnecessary features, here I have sketched out my idea for a smaller version of Reunion Tower to be erected on top of the park, specifically for people who don’t want to go to the other side of downtown.