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A Bit More on Jerry Jones’ Superyacht

If you buy a superyacht, you're probably too rich.

An artist’s rendering of Jerry’s new boat. (Zac Crain)

Jerry Jones’ superyacht, Bravo Eugenia, has already been in two separate Leading Off posts, so naturally it is time to really blow it out. That is an industry term. “Blow it out.” Sorry for using jargon and for using it right away. I know that can be intimidating to the reader.

Anyway, yes, Jerry Jones bought a superyacht. It’s 360 feet long, it has a helipad, and it cost $250 million. Very few people in my estimation — and, remember, I am but a simple tree farmer — need a yacht. At least to own. Not really. And the only people who need a superyacht, a boat that costs $250 million, are supervillains. Is Jerry Jones a supervillain? I’ve tackled this before and the answer is probably “yes.”

Why is this Bravo Eugenia so expensive? (Sidebar: Bravo Eugenia is kind of an elegant name for such a display of conspicuous consumerism.) Is the hull covered with Swarovski crystals? Does it have mink carpets? Does it have floors made out of actual living but presumably sleepy or drugged or just really well-trained minks?

Does it have a laser cannon? Does it have two laser cannons? Does it have a big cannon that the real-life Cher has been paid to straddle like she did in that one video whose title escapes me just now?

Does it have a small pond on board filled with Johnnie Walker Blue? Does it have a small theater below decks where actor Josh Lucas has been hired to do a one-man show based on his part in the remake of Poseidon? (Second sidebar: I can only assume Lucas is down on his luck based on his whoa OK wow he let himself go appearance in the forthcoming Breakthrough, which seems like a movie that will only be attended by church groups who rent out the entire theater.)

Will it still float with all of the art that is no doubt on board?

I probably have 50 more questions about this boat. But I’ll finish with this one: how are they going to get it into Lake Lewisville?

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Comments

  • Kathy Wise

    Please, please, please draw more.

  • Does it have a laser cannon? Does it have two laser cannons?

    That’s actually pretty likely. They call them “anti-piracy devices” but they are often big ass lasers that blind the hell out of anyone who gets too close in the middle of the night (or off the coast of Venezuela or Somalia.)

  • Chris Ullom

    That’s more than he paid for Deion. Hope he gets his money’s worth on this one.

  • EricCeleste

    “If I Could Turn Back Time” is now stuck in my brain, because you made me say to myself, “Wait, he knows it’s ‘If I Could Turn Back Time,’ doesn’t he? Why would he not just say it? Oh … oh no … there it is … GET IT OUT!”

  • Bill Gross

    Envious, eh?

  • Joe Hunter

    Well, this little bit of money that Jones paid for this little tub, proves that he is a perfect candidate for the 70%, 80% or maybe 90% federal tax on our !%. Oh, never mind… won’t happen not until the guillotines are rolled out…….

  • Amy S

    She sure is yare.

  • Bill Gross

    Let’s look for a moment. He has the $$ to build the boat. So the company that builds the boat pays its employees for their work, pays the suppliers involved, etc. All those who earn money in this way pay taxes in one way or another. Either that or it just sits in banking account.

    If you think our government can do a better job spending it, I do have a bridge I might be interested in selling to you.