Dirk Nowitzki to Receive Key to the City

Tomorrow night, during halftime of the Mavs game with the Nets, Dirk will get a key to the city. I think we can all agree that he deserves not just his own key but a clothes drawer for the nights he sleeps over and also his own toothbrush. The city, apparently, has fixed its system for the bestowal of keys. And for that, I will take credit. My hard-hitting 2004 investigation into the city’s history of handing out keys willy-nilly has made Dallas an even better place. You’re welcome.