The Mavericks tonight will play their first game of the season. They tip at 9:30 in Phoenix. You probably have just one question on your mind: what does noted basketball provocateur Tim Rogers think of the two biggest additions to the squad, Luka Doncic and DeAndre Jordan, given that he (Tim) sat courtside at the final preseason game last Friday and had a really good look at them (Doncic and Jordan)? Well, since you asked:
First, thank you to the FrontBurnervian who hooked me up with his tickets. Courtside is the best side.
Now for Doncic. My take is that he is a very good basketball player. His jab step, step-back jumper is a thing of beauty. It is languid and yet so effective. It must drive defenders bonkers. Doncic reminds me of Spurs striker Harry Kane. Both are big and white and seemingly “unathletic” — but you just got scored on, son. Doncic does things with the ball that don’t seem possible. When Allen Iverson crossed people over, it was amazing but also understandable. He was a super fast dude. When Doncic executes a similar feat of legerdemain, you go, “That was so slow! How did it work?!”
Part of Doncic’s superpowers might spring from his tattoos. I can’t even explain them. There’s a tiger and an eagle and an Illuminati eye and the Latin phrase “Non desistas/Non exieris” (“Never give up/Never surrender”). Have a look here and here. It’s all on his left forearm. And it’s all dumb. I suspect that defenders are thrown off by the ridiculous ink tableau.
Speaking of tattoos, DeAndre Jordan has a lot of them. Check this out. But Jordan’s tats are all awesome. That’s just a fact that I’m reporting. If you disagree with me, then you are wrong to do so.
Basketball-wise, I will say that Jordan is also a very good basketball player. He’s extremely tall for his age. And he has dreadlocks, which is a hairstyle the Mavericks have sorely lacked since Jae Crowder left us. (Side note: Kostas Antetokounmpo should grow some dreadlocks. It would make him look less skinny, and he’d get more run time. Also, Rick Carlisle should grow some dreadlocks.)
But here’s the important thing to know about Jordan: in addition to being a badass big man, he’s a glue guy. He’s like Bill Wennington, only he’s good at basketball. I watched Jordan late in the game, after all the scrubs had taken the court. With ice bandaged to a knee, he was the first dude on the bench to jump up and celebrate a 3-pointer by Ryan Broekhoff, a guy who didn’t even make the final roster. Jordan has a little bit of Elvis Andrus in him, the way he jacks around with teammates and keeps them light. As guys were lining up to rebound a free throw, Jordan walked up to a teammate and handed him the ball as if it were his own baby and something he needed his teammate to care for, sacrificing his life for its protection, if necessary. Hard to explain. The teammate laughed and handed the ball back to the ref. It’s a small detail but one that you’ve come to expect from Tim Rogers’ Patented Season-Starting Super Awesome Good Mavericks Basketball Analysis. It means everything. Always.
Anyway. Mavs will win 47.5 games this season. Take it to the bank.
